Once upon a time. What a cliche beginning of a fairytale. What a beautiful combination of word to describe the short-lived existence of different individuals all over the globe. You might ask where I am leading with this uncommon description? Well...
***Summer Break. Philadelphia. The Cemetery. Marigold is sitting in front of 2 graves, whose are those, I wonder***
''Hi... You know, it would be easier if you were here to say it back. But you can't...'' She said stopping at every word, uttering them with unease. '' I am sorry grandpa, I haven't been here this hole year. I didn't brought those flowers you used to give grandma in a long time...'' She added leaving a bouquet of yellow lilies on the cold stone '' Do you... Do you remember showing me that poem, you know, Don't stand at my grave and weep... You knew, didn't you? That you will have to leave? I know it is stupid to stand in front of a rock and tell you this... But... It is suppose to give me peace, right? To make me move on? We all know I am bloody awful at that, though...'' She said with a sorrowful smile '' I don't really know what I should tell you. If there is a ''you'' here... I... I moved with my uncle... Mom's brother... In New York... And if you are asking granpa, I still remember you telling me I will get to live the almighty life of the big city. But I wished you were still here to see me get there...'' She articulated with a gulp '' You know, I made a pact, let's say, with my uncle and... I guess we both are trying to face our fears... We will go to London in 2 weeks... For him to... speak, I guess?... with his parents... And I... I am here, talking with you...'' She sighted '' Does it matter if I say I missed you? Because I did. I know I didn't come to your grave since... since the funerals... I should have... I should have...'' She said shaking her head '' This is not relieving at all... I heard your song the other day. That Beatles' song, the same old Hey Jude... You remember how you taught me to sing it at the piano? How we sang it in the car, at every birthday after we sang Happy Birthday, in the garden... How grandma always looked at us as if we were crazy but mouthed the words every time... It was our song... How I am supposed to make it better now? How do I know I didn't let you down already... I really wished you were here... both of you... I wish you would give me some advice about how sorrow is just the incapacity of the soul to relieve itself of its love or something like that, grandpa... And I wish grandma would have been here to tell me to stop mopping around as if it is the most obvious thing in the world and tell me to put my best blouse on and go get her more flowers... I wished you didn't have to leave. But it was not a choice... and I know that... But... But it damn hurts. Because... Because I thought... I thought that we would have had longer. I thought that... I thought that you will help... Help me figure this hole mess up...'' She mumbled with tears streaming over her lashes and down her checks. '' Who is going to teach me to play all the instruments that exists on this planet? Who is going to teach me about flowers and plants and the world so effortlessly? It's been a damn year... And I am here in front of a rock and... and I want to scream... And I am just so tired of all the quotes from books because they aren't doing shit in this. When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and remember each other. But if I am going to be just another tragedy what's the point? Death does that to us, it's like a phone call, you always remember exactly what you should have said the moment you hang up. How do I move on? '' She said between audible sobs and tears of frustration. Because those were her grandparents. Her rock. The ones that shed light in a room engulfed by darkness and misery. They gave her a home. A place where arguing isn't screaming and being at each others throats but sassy remarks and small winks. Because they showed her what love is. They showed her that it can last. They reminded her of hope and made sure that the sorrow that kept hitting her over and over didn't turn her into a cynic.
And in an empty cemetery, a bark silhouette is hunched over two headstones hoping for peace of mind. The truth is, it is hard to move on. It's even seems impossible when the people you lost were one of your main source of light. We grief and cry and sob until that old friend comes to take you home. He may not accidentally push you in the closest lake this time. He may not use the same tricks. But he will still try. He will put on your favourite record and jump around his room singing Dancing Queen because he knows you love hearing him do that. Because we are still a bit broken and scattered. We have hard days and good days. And, at the end of the day, we have to learn how to be okay with that.
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***The End***
Hello!!!! Okay, this may have been a bit heavy( I don't know, I may be wrong). I hope you liked it. And I want to clarify something: So, I know some of you may think that losing her grandparents wasn't THAT hard to deal with for her to have a meltdown in front of their grave... But, please, take into account that she lived with them for 3 year-ish. Moreover, think about her life before coming to live with them(her dad, her not going to therapy and taking pills, the bullying) and all the trauma of losing people and being left behind. It adds up. And she really didn't let herself engulf in her sorrow either. So this is some type of comeback of her unfelt emotions. I rambled but I think it is important.
Those being said, I hope you enjoyed this because now that I finished Season 1 I can do the small little events happening in the Summer Break( I want to do some Polaroids with small memories, something similar to Josh's present).
