Erase Herゾごホ

あなたに戻って - back to you

"I will always pick up your pieces."

I swallowed hard, my fingers brushing the handle of Shota's front door.

How could I leave him like that?

"You're my problem child."

I shook my head, debating on running away again. I could go to my old place, I haven't been there in months and it might be a bit dustier than normal, but I could manage. Maybe space is what's good for us right now, maybe time apart could help. I winced at the burning feeling in my stomach, as I pressed my palm into the metal of the door knob.

Why am I even trying to lie to myself?

Running away feels wrong and somehow it hurts to imagine more than anything. I don't want to be apart from Shota. I felt the tears well in my eyes as I tentatively put my lip in between my teeth. But what if he's mad? What if things can't ever be the same? What if I made things worse? The tiniest part of me wanted to sprint in the opposite direction, to pretend that the last couple months didn't happen, to just disappear back into who I was because that would be easier. It would be a lot easier than confronting my problems, resolving my own issues, fixing the pieces I broke. It would be easier to just disappear.

"Coming home to you is the best part of my day."

I twisted the handle without thinking anymore because if I did I would definitely take the cowardly way out as illogical as it seemed. I don't want to be that person anymore, I'm not that person anymore. I've grown so much, I've stretched out my limbs from the consuming dark void that circulated my center. I've crawled my way out of the ache that once swallowed me whole.

I'm stronger than that now.

"I will never let anything bad happen to you ever again."

I have to push past this ridiculous fear, for him. I opened the door with no troubles, surprising since I had no key, which meant he had left it unlocked. The tightening in my chest made my heart rate sky rocket as I thought about all the awful things that could've happened while I was having my temper tantrum miles away. He could've been hurt, he could've been kidnapped, he could've been anything and it would've been my fault for missing it, for not being there to protect him. I swung the door open without any thought, my eyes looming over the sight ahead of me quickly, before softening. The beating of my heart slowing down as I drew in a deep breath, leaning against the doorframe.

Shota was okay. He was sitting on the couch, facing the door with his arms crossed, lightly snoring, fast asleep, waiting for me to come home.

I furrowed my brows together, the guilt that plagued me thickening as I made my way towards the sleeping man, admiring him as I moved. His head was tilted back, resting on the sofa because obviously he didn't plan on falling asleep. I had put him there, worrying him sick, running into the dead of night with no way of contact, no way to get back home. Not only that, but I was so cold, leaving him alone with my harsh words and his own thoughts. I can't imagine anything good coming of that.  I let out a small sigh, the feeling of regret suddenly hitting me like a wave from a violent and relentless sea. I took off Dabi's jacket, placing it on a chair close by as I stood over the peaceful looking Erasure Hero, grabbing a blanket on the arm of the couch, holding the edges in between my fingers with a nasty frown.

"I don't deserve you, you know that?" I whispered, leaning over him as I gently draped the blanket around his sleeping body. His breath quietly whirring in and out with no regard of my presence. I smiled softly, extending my fingers to brush the skin of his cheek, but hesitating. The ends of my lips curved into a downward as I remembered everything I had said to him in vivid technicolor. I shook my head, tucking some wet strands of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry." I mumbled, tears finding their way down my cheeks once more. I wiped my eyes with my clenched fist, sobbing quietly, "I'm so sorry."

Why am I so stupid? So naive and inexperienced in situations like these? I've never been in love, I've never had a healthy relationship. The closest thing I had to normality was a seven month relationship with Mirio Togata. Of course, he was good to me, he was everything a boy could be for a girl, but he wasn't enough to rip me from my own dark corner of the world.

He wasn't like you.

So I ended up fucking up things between me and the blonde haired boy. Pushing him away until we ended mutually. Then I spiraled. Twisting down a path of pain I thought could be quenched with older men and never ending buzz. And that's where I met you.

You made me feel like I could experience other things rather than just pleasure. That maybe I shouldn't close myself off to the wanderlust emotion known as love. That maybe I deserve it, I can accept it, and I can give it back tenfold.

Now here I am, fucking things up with you too.

Shota Aizawa.

I glanced down, feeling his hand wrap around my wrist, yanking me onto his lap and burying his face into the crook of my neck. I let out a gentle gasp as his arms tightly wrapped around my waist, squeezing me against his body, his nose inhaling my scent as his body lightly trembled. I blinked at the feeling, slowly having my arms circling around his neck, cupping the back of his head.

Why?

"You came back." He said, muffled by my skin, his fingers entangling themselves in my hair. How could I not come back? How could I even think about running away from this, running away from my sun, my moon, my stars, my fucking galaxies? How could I ever be apart from the man who filled my soul and soothed my heart?

"Sho-."

"I thought I lost you." He said under his breath, holding in a sob as squeezed me harder. His voice shook with so much feeling, so much raw pain it made me feel sick.

I hurt him. I hurt him. I hurt him.

"You came back.." He said again, the vulnerability quivering almost as hard as he was. The words he spoke carried too much weight for him to convey properly, too much too out of character for someone like Shota Aizawa. Someone who rarely softened his edges for people, someone who maintained such a neutral demeanor. But this? This kind of Shota was different. He was like a child, clinging to me for dear life, whimpering like a dying animal. This was not the Shota I had come to know, this was the Shota I had broken him into. I did this. My teeth clenched as I held him closer, pulling his head into my chest.

"No matter what happens, I will always come back to you, remember?"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Promise.

I promise.

No matter how hard it is.

I'll find a way to get back to you.

No matter how many tears I shed, how much blood I lose, no matter how long it takes, I will

always,

always

come back

to

you,

Shota Aizawa.

Across the room the softest buzz from my cellphone could be heard as it rested on the kitchen table.

From: Unknown

You and me Sherlock, 5pm, scene of the crime. Bring your big girl pants.

- Onii-Chan

_______________________________

I know this chapter was mediocre at best, but I really wanted to show sad boy Aizawa because it's important (y/n) understands how much she means to him and how badly she can hurt him.

!!!!!!Also, I have a lot planned for the next arc of this story!!!!!! I'm so excited for it!!!!

I hope you guys are staying safe during these times and are enjoying my story.

I hope I don't let you guys down! <3 :))))