Loving Him Even In Sadness

Loving: Six

Dinner

I’m a mess because of him the rest of the week. I didn’t eat on time. Sleep late and woke up late. Didn’t do basic workouts anymore, never talks calmly, hindi na lumalabas ng kwarto only if needed and my family doesn’t seem to care.

Mukha tuloy akong broken hearted sa lagay na ito!

Now it’s the day before my birthday and I scolded myself because of my irresponsibility. It would be a big embarassment tomorrow if I look like a mess on my birthday.
          

Instead na magmukmok, naligo na lang ako, nagbihis at bumaba na para kumain. In short, I am conditioning myself! Hindi dapat ako magpa-apekto kay Zack. The hell with him!

Regrets filled me so much after realizing what I did to myself. My face is so pale, mukha akong may anemia!

When I went downstairs, I asked Nay Eda to prepare me some foods. Be it rice and veggies, meats, desserts and fruits but I didn’t expect that she’ll prepare so much food in front of me!

“Nay Eda, ba’t ang dami?” Nagpapanic na tanong ko sa kanya, ikaw ba naman paghandaan ng napakaraming pagkain sa hapag tapos ikaw lang ang kakain?

The twelve-seater dining table almost filled with foods above it! I can’t believe Nay Eda!

“Zen hija, ngayon ka lang ulit nagpahanda ng pagkain, baka sa susunod hindi ka na naman magpahanda kaya nilubos-lubos ko na," umiiling-iling ako habang nakikinig sa kanya.

Pero wala naman yatang masama kung susubukan kong kainin ito lahat. But, will I be able to finish all of these?

Contrary to what I was aiming, I did eat a lot of what was prepared in front of me pero hindi ko totally naubos. Sino ba ako para makaubos nito?

“Wow! May pa-fiesta ka girl? Sa susunod na buwan pa ang fiesta dito ah,” sarkastikong sabi ni Leigh habang kumakain ako ng palabok.

The reason that I coughed so much and I choked! I gestured her to hand me a glass of water but she ignored me! The hell! Kung mamatay ako ang rason lang ay nabilaukan! I stood up on my own and got myself a glass of water.

“So, nahimasmasan ka na?” Tanong niya.

“What do you mean?” I raised a brow to her to show her my confusion.

“Nahimasmasan ka sa katotohanang hindi siya darating,” kalmado ngunit mapanuksong tugon niya sa akin.

Bakit parang may alam ang isang ’to!

“What are you talking about? Can’t understand you Leigh,” I'm faking my talk here. Baka mabuking ako!

“Our little Zen is already keeping a secret and is already denying! Hmm, nagdadalaga ka na nga talaga!”

Tumawa pa siya pagkatapos niya iyong sabihin. “Kain ka nang mabuti ha, para mayroon kang lakas umasa,” she said while caressing the strands of my hair.

Para akong nanlumo sa kanyang sinabi. Does she know a thing behind everything I did these past days?

Though, they know that I idolized Zack but they don’t know about our interactions in social media.

Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa pagkain at hinayaang umalis si Leigh.

It’s afternoon that’s why they’re home already. At lahat sila naabutan ako sa dining table. Hindi ko rin alam na almost afternoon na pala ako bumaba. Instead of joining me here in the dining area, umakyat silang tatlo, Zia, Kuya Lemnuel at si Mom.