Loving Him Even In Sadness

Loving: Twelve

Congratulations

I may be confident and motivated but my hands are still trembling.

Fighting the intensity of nervousness is never been easy! When the emcee announces to everybody to give us a round of applause for our performance, I told myself that this it it! I can’t back off!

I held my head down for a moment. The stage was still dark, the spotlight is still not on me since the song hasn’t started yet. Kaya nang nagsimula ang kanta ay dahan-dahan kong inangat ang ulo ko.

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song

As I sang the lines from the first stanza my eyes are roaming to the sea of people hoping I can see someone who I could fix my vision with. To cut it short, I was hoping that my eyes would be fixated to Zack. Pero hindi ko siya nakita.

Cause there's no guarantee
That this life is easy
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I
I look at you

Ang mga mata ko ay mapanghanap. I badly wanna look at Zack. He gave me motivation earlier to do better. I wanted to do better.

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I

My will to find Zack never left me. I had to find him in these sea of people. I know he’s watching me from somewhere. Sabi niya kanina na manunuod siya sa akin. He would cheer for me. I am still searchin for him, endlessly. I didn’t stop until I saw him behind the twins. Nasa likurang bahagi sila kaya siguro hindi ko nakita agad. Our eyes are locked to each other. I know it even within our distance.

I look at you

His eyes didn’t leave mine even a second. He is so serious while looking at me, but instead of panicking because of him watching me, I found it challenging. I want to show him that even against my doubts and hysterical rants earlier, I still have the urge to make this performance better.

Funny how he’s the one I think about during this whole performance!

You appear just like a dream to me

I don’t understand why and how this song feels so relatable. Bakit nga ba ito ang naisip kong kantahin? I was mentally thinking of the lyrics before picking the song, didn’t I? Do I want to sing something I can relate about?

Yes, I do. But I didn’t know that it is this relatable.

You appear just like a dream
To me

The song ended, but mine and Zack’s stares don’t have a plan to end. The crowd gets loud. Cheering us, shouting, and yelling for more. But, I don’t have time to process it for my vision and mind were all in the man I’m staring at. He’s just so great to look at with. He’s also there seriously looking at me while the twins before him are jumping.

He gestured that we should come down. Nagsimula na silang maglakad papunta sa harap at pagkatapos magpasalamat ng emcee sa amin ay agad na kaming bumaba. As I set foot in front of him, I immediately hugged him, not minding what my friends would say. The urge in me telling me to hug him was just so high! I can’t stop myself, I can’t control my feelings as well as my heart and mind. I’m a slave and follower to this mind and heart of mine. This can be both a good and bad thing. But for now I won’t be pessimistic. I will remain optimistic until those negativity will reach me. I don’t care about everyone around me as I settle my eyes to Zack.