Take My Hand || Jinson

Bambam's song; Empty

Bambam was wondering how he should write his own song, he had often seen Mark and Yugyeom using music to express themselves, but he had no idea how to. You could say he never had the luxury to actually sit down and listen to music so he could never find songs that would describe how he felt.

Should he write about his feelings? His past? His disorder? He just couldn't understand it, what was he supposed to express? He looked over searching for help and he found Jihyo available, so he called her over hoping that maybe she would have a better understanding of how to write his song, maybe even prompt him in the writing process.

"Hello Jihyo, I was wondering if you could help me. I don't have much experience with music and expressing myself through music or listening to music that resembles how I feel. I don't know how to write a song either. Let's just say I am completely lost"

Bambam ask her, suddenly feeling of discomfort and uncertainty washing over him from talking to someone other thank Mark, Yugyeom and Hyunjin for the first time. Bambam didn't know how to approach her and so he decided to be respectful and formal not knowing how she would want him to address her.

"Sure, and you don't have to try to be formal, we are around the same age so just talk to me comfortably that way you don't have to mask what your trying to say. I want to help you all by being your friend and if you want my help then we can be friends.... Unless you are more comfortable with speaking formally. It's all up to you"

Jihyo smiled at him softly, she could understand that sometimes approaching a new worker could be difficult, but she wanted to be seen as a friend rather than a nurse or doctor. She found it a more efficient way to get a patient to open up to her. It had worked all through her training and so she wanted to try it here in a real situation

"I think I get the overall idea of the activity, but what I don't understand is what I'm supposed to express when I have gone through a bunch of different situations. Like where should I start, How do I put that in to words and you know just things like that. If that makes any sense"

Jihyo analyzed Bambam's words for a while, trying to choose the correct words to make it easier for the male to understand. Jihyo couldn't come up with anything other than the simple truth. It was better than telling Bambam something that would possibly get his hopes up and lead him down the wrong path.

"You'll see Bambam, sometimes there are some situations that we keep to ourselves, feeling afraid to express it or maybe just not being able to in general. You could easily say anything to someone if you are sad, but there are things that aren't that simple to tell, for example the feeling of emptiness. You can't explain it with words but you know you are feeling it; those are the kind of things you express with music. You scream to the world how you feel and why, hoping to be listen and also taking the opportunity to relieve you from all the things you have carried alone over" Jihyo said stunning Bambam 

"Are you sure we are the same age? You sound way more wiser than me, But then again, you are a nurse so you probably are smarter than I am." Bambam said back, Jaw still hanging open from the shock of Jihyo's words to him.

Jihyo smiled at Bambam after hearing his comment, she wasn't sure if she helped the male or not, but at least he didn't seemed as lost as before. Bambam smiled back kind of piecing together what Jihyo was saying finally. It all eventually making sense. Bambam's smile only getting wider as he understood it more.

"We all have our own knowledge, you may know a lot of things that I don't. Anyways I'll get going, good luck!" Jihyo said before taking her leave and moving on to help the next person.

Bambam kept thinking about Jihyo's words for a while but before he could feel sure about something, the feeling of throwing up suddenly washed over him on waves. Before he knew it he ran to the bathroom and managed to arrive just in time. That morning Yugyeom convinced him to eat all his yogurt, and after a long time, he didn't pay attention to the calories or felt any guilt after eating, but his body didn't felt the same way. No matter what he ate, his body rejected all of it.