Take My Hand || Jinson

I Failed You...

Yugyeom woke up in Bambam's arms, his head pounding thanks to the tears that he had let flow the night before, but he didn't care because unfortunately, he was used to it. He focused on the male that had encased him and clearly had no plans to release him. Looking closely at him, he realized that the other was so skinny that it wasn't at all healthy, to top off the unhealthy look, the male above him was also pale, the kind of shade you would be if you had seen a ghost; this made Yugyeom worry about the older male who had cradled him to sleep the night before.

Later on, Bam had woken up and realized that he still had his arms wrapped around Yugyeom securely. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was actually the complete opposite, he felt at peace by hugging the younger male. That's when he saw that the male in his secure hold was also awake, but strangely quiet. This made Bambam question a lot.

'Maybe he is uncomfortable... I shouldn't have slept like this without permission.'

But what Yugyeom was feeling was completely the opposite, he felt secure, like the feeling of being safe at home with his parents, the loving and caring people he grew to love before the accident. He didn't want to move, he didn't want that to moment end. He was scared to say the least. He was scared that Bambam would leave him and never come back.

"I'm... I'm sorry" Bambam stuttered out whilst he was trying to stand up "I-"

"Ca-can we... can we stay like this? Just for a few more minutes... please" Yugyeom pleaded to the other, he wanted the feeling of being safe to never end, even if it was just for one minute, before the darkness eats him again. He knew that if Bambam left the shadows would attempt to swallow him whole.

Bambam smiled softly and nodded his head, slipping back in to the position he was in originally but this time Yugyeom encased him as a way to say thank you. Bambam's insecurities were getting the best of him things like 'I'm too skinny he won't want to be friends' 'why would he want a fag like me to be his friend?' 

Yugyeom could feel the tension radiating off of Bambam and proceeded to pull the older in tighter. "Hey Bam, I uh I was wondering if you want to talk? It doesn't have to be anything specific. Maybe it will make you feel better?" Bambam looked at Yugyeom and nodded his head understanding what Yugyeom was trying to do.

They stayed like this all day until mealtime arrived, but even then they didn't want to leave the room, so they decided to stay and ask the nurses to bring them food to their room. 

A moment later, the food arrived, and Yugyeom starts eating, slowly but still eating. He didn't finish everything that was on the plate but he ate most of it, but when he looked at Bambam's plate, he saw that he had eaten... basically nothing, and he was saying that had already finished and was no longer hungry, as if he had eaten three plates already.

"Hey... ummm... Im sorry if I bother you by saying this but... I-I think that maybe you s-should eat more..." Yugyeom said, the last part coming out in a whisper.

Bambam was surprised, the other male looks genuinely worried his facial expression making it clear that he was but... he couldn't eat, he was too fat and no one would like him...

"Pl-please... just one carrot more at least... please" Yugyeom tried pleading to Bam.

Seeing the the younger like that, encouraged Bam to eat, as the younger one said, one carrot more. He didn't want too, he was really against the idea but he couldn't deny the younger male that sat across from him.

After and internal debate he ate it, and he saw how Yugyeom's concerned frown was now a thankful smile... truly, and he felt weird, he made the other one smile, just by eating...

"Thank you... thank you so much...." Yugyeom said. But for some reason Yugyeom felt weird. watching Bambam eat had made him smile more genuinely than he had ever smiled and honestly his cheeks were starting to hurt but he just couldn't stop.

After their meal, they kept talking for a the rest of the evening, until the dark night arrived and they had to sleep. Bambam was the first that fell asleep, but Yugyeom was still awake unable to relax. Suddenly, the pain on his chest came back, the tears began to appear and to fall, and with that, the necessity of drawing on his wrist came back but this impulse stronger. He didn't want to, he tried to be strong, he wanted to be strong, but the pain was too much for him. 

Looking in his secret hiding spot he had made, he found his old friend, it feels as if it was calling for him... he couldn't resist anymore, he went to the bathroom and look at his wrist, seeing the bandage around it, reminding him of Bambam... now he felt even worse, he felt like he was failing the older, he felt that he was going to leave him, which made the pain increase, begging to make the horizontal lines that decorate his forearm and wrist, one after another, seeing the crimson liquid streaming from them, whilst at the same time tears forming. He was dying on the inside... and the outside. 

He was broken, and he had already lost his pieces. 

After washing the fresh masterpiece on his wrist, he returned to his bed, not caring that the blood was still dripping from his wrist. He sat down... and cried, even more, sadly he couldn't be quiet, waking up Bambam. Bothering him... yet again.

Bambam woke up because of the noises that he could hear, discovering that they were once again sobs, coming from his new friend...

"Hey, Yugy... What's wrong?" no answer. "Yuggie?" still no answer "Hey baby boy" Bambam said in an attempt to snap the younger out of his trance. Thankfully he wasn't paying enough attention to pick up on what the older just called him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I'm sorry..." he mutters over and over again.

"Why are you apologising? you didn't do anything wrong" He question the crying male.

"But I did, I... I failed you" He says. And Bambam can't help but to stand there astonished.

"What do you mean?" He asks once again.

"I... I..." he couldn't continue due to the hiccups he had as he was still crying, he couldn't tell him, so he just showed him... showed him what he did, showed him the art on his wrists.

Bambam wanted to be mad, he really wanted to... but he couldn't, how could he? The other male in the room is suffering, and he couldn't do anything to help but be there for him... 

He just encases the other in a hug. 'Whispering Sweet Nothings' in his ear, telling him that everything was going to okay, telling him what he needed to hear a long time ago.

When Yugyeom was feeling a bit better and had now stopped crying he turned to ask Bambam something that he thought would help the both of them....

"Can we make a promise..."

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A/N

Hey! So I just wanted to clarify something. Maybe some of you are wondering why do Yugyeom felt even worse now that he had someone, so let me explain to you. Having someone is not always as good as everyone says because sometimes, you just feel like you are failing them, failing to the only person you have, and you feel so weak, cause you are disappointing the other one and you can't do anything more than cry and disappoint yourself. And that's basically what Yugy is feeling. 

Also, are you liking the story? Please let us know! If you have any questions so far feel free to comment them and we can do a Q&A chap in the future.