Take My Hand || Jinson

Jinyoung; I Am Me

After listening the example that Doc. Lee gave, Jinyoung could understand why he was given that activity to the group. He took a piece of paper and a pen to started writing his song.

He pressed his pen to the paper, but he couldn't move it, he couldn't write anything. Hoseok told them not to think about it too much, and to write what they felt, what their heart told them; but his heart didn't tell him anything. It was relatively quiet.

Write what you feel, but what if he didn't feel anything? Suddenly he forgot all the emotions he had felt before. Emotions are ephemeral, he read that once and he finally understood. Jinyoung's eyes were empty, there was no emotion in them, just like before. The person he didnt want to be was once again coming back.

"Jinyoung-ah, is something wrong?" Jinyoung heard from behind him, The sudden voice scaring him slightly.

Hoseok looked as Jinyoung's empty page and he didn't look well. He knew that the activity was going to be hard for Jinyoung, but he decided to include him to see how much he had advanced with his treatment.

"Doc. Lee, you told us that we should write what we felt, but I don't feel anything. I can see how everyone is easily writing their songs, but I can't do it myself. At times like this I hate being me. I just want to be like everyone else. Able to feel and empathize with another person or feel sympathy for someone. But NO, everyone feels sympathy for me instead." Jinyoung blurted out a little louder than he expected but thankfully no one paid any mind to the situation.

"Listen Jinyoung-ah, you have felt things before right? Why don't you try remember how it felt or what made you feel like that? It's okay if you can't write a whole song, but maybe you can write a sentence. You have shown an amazing progress in the last few weeks and I'm really happy about that, so don't feel disappointed or discouraged because right now you don't feel anything; you are not like before, you are better! Don't give up so easily, I'm not the only one who trusts you"

After saying that, he left to help Yugyeom with something, but Jinyoung didn't pay any attention to that, he kept thinking about what Hoseok said, he was progressing, he wasn't that monster that his family thought he was. He was a changed person and he was determined to become the best version of himself he could possibly be.

Monster, the word stayed in his mind for a while; he wasn't a monster, not anymore. Maybe he could begin with that. He took his pen again and began to write.

«I'm not a monster
I'm a human just like you
I can feel, just like you
I'm just me
I am me»

Jinyoung looked at the paper and smiled, for the first time in his life he felt proud, proud of himself and his progress and maybe, just maybe he was going to be able to understand and feel the feeling his parents talked about proudly and happily.

Love

The word had been a foreigners word but recently Jinyoung was starting to understand it.

Jinyoung sat at the table and continued writing his lyrics thinking of everything that had happened up until now whilst he was in the clinic. From meeting Jaebeom in their room, to meeting Jackson and the start of the warmth that would regularly spread in Jinyoung's chest, to the most recent event which was just before the session when Jackson had given him a gift he thought he would never receive, The gift of emotion. Jackson had made him feel and he was thankful.

By the time Jinyoung had thought of some more lyrics he had seen that he had already written a bunch of lyrics that he didn't know he had written. He got up and walked over to Jihyo explaining what happened

"So yeah, I was thinking and then when I finally thought of something, I already had half a page of lyrics... What's happening with me?" Jinyoung said in a hushed but hurried tone. Jihyo giggled thinking Jinyoung looked cute in his worried state and assured him that it was fine.

"You absentmindedly wrote lyrics whilst thinking of everything. It is completely normal and the fact that you only thought about good things means that YOU are NO MONSTER and that you are learning and gaining, that's all." Jihyo said before telling him to go back to his seat and sit down, maybe even continue writing his lyrics. Jinyoung nodded and moved back to where he was sitting next to Jackson

Jackson gave Jinyoung a bright comforting smile before turning back to what he was doing and writing his own lyrics. Jinyoung knew that he had what he needed right in front of him and now that he recalls it he roughly remembers Jihyo's words of wisdom....

----

'the ones in the clinic care about you, DON'T YOU DARE push them away and let them be with you and help you, and remember to help them as much as you can'

----

Jinyoung smiled lightly as he thought back to what she had said. He looked over at Jihyo who was helping Jaebeom and Youngjae but had happened to look over at Jinyoung at the same time. The two smiling at each other before going about what they were doing.

"Jinyoung-ah" Jinyoung heard from next to him and he knew who it was so he looked up at the male sitting at his desk. "Yes?" Jinyoung replied a smile still present on his face. "I read your lyrics when you went to go talk to Jihyo and I love what you have so far, it shows pure emotion and I know you will soon learn much more as I show you bit by bit."

Jackson now looking at Jinyoung seriously and Jinyoung looking back with glassy eyes. Jinyoung knew Jackson meant what he said and now he was more than determined to stand by Jackson's side and never leave for as long as he could.

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A/N - FINALLY! AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME THERE IS FINALLY A NEW CHAPTER. WE WILL TRY HARDER TO PROVIDE MORE CHAPTERS FOR ANYONE WHO IS STILL READING THE BOOK!

- M.