Take My Hand || Jinson

Knowing Each Other

The relationship between Jackson and Youngjae was getting better but was not yet satisfactory. They couldn't call each other friends, even though they so desperately wanted to, the only problem is that Youngjae wasn't ready to be friends yet. Although Jackson kept saying that it was fine and that they didnt have to be friends yet, Youngjae knew what the other really wanted deep down. This hurt Youngjae knowing that he was the cause for the sobs that left the others mouth late at night.

Youngjae wanted to be friends with Jackson, he really did but he just couldn't. He was afraid. The fear that grew over the years is probably what Youngjae hated the most about himself. He decided that he would talk to Dr. Hwang and ask for advice, he needed and wanted to know what he had to do in order to get rid of this 'irrational' issue.

After talking with Dr. Hwang (later learning that his name was Hyunjin) He realised that one way or another he would never be able to talk to Jackson without the feeling of anxiety being too powerful that made youngjae do something he didn't want to. When Youngjae attempted to talk to someone he would open his mouth only to close it a second later. His eyes would frantically look around wherever he was and would make for a quick exit

Jackson, on the other hand was weirdly a different situation. Youngjae didn't really feel very pressured when he did say a few words to his roommate, but the anxiety feeling still lingered. 'Maybe it will be different?' He mutters to himself as he leaves Dr. Hwangs office.

The walk back to his room occupied by the internal argument Youngjae had. He even thought it over and weighed the options to the situaion ultimately deciding that he was going to do it. Today he was going to talk to his roommate in an attempt to get over his fear of communicating with others.

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Free time had finally come and everyone was now moving off to do whatever they choose once their plates were cleared. Some were still eating, some were reading, the one boy sitting in the corner with the therapy dog as usual.... everything seemed normal, but to Youngjae, this one of the scariest moments of his life.

"heyjacksoncanwetalkasfriendsplease?" Youngjae rushed to say when he walked in to his room. His roommate sitting on his bed currently doing a puzzle.

Jackson sat there baffled... "uhhh sorry?" He questioned not able to understand what the male in front of him had said.

"Can we talk please?" Youngjae repeated, this time not being in a big rush to get the words out. He looked up and saw a scared Jackson.

After hearing that, Jackson began to panic not knowing if he had done something wrong to the younger. It was probably just Youngjae wanting to confirm that they would never be friends. Maybe he would like to be alone again... Jackson in one swift movement had made it to the door so the other didnt have to say anything more.

As Jackson went to walk out of the room, he felt a hand grab his wrist.... "Please don't leave, It's nothing bad, its just that I want to talk with you... as a friend" Youngjae said, a soft smile tugging at his lips

Friend? Does he consider me a friend? Jackson thought as he slowly made his way to sit back on his bed, his eyes not leaving the other for a second

"Sure, wh-what do you want to talk" Jackson managed to stutter out.

"I don't know introduce ourselves...." Youngjae said with a shrug
"Maybe even why are we here? All in all let's just try to know each other and see where the coversation goes?" He suggested, Youngjae feeling proud he has lasted so long in front of this male.

Well can we talk about me first then?" Jackson questioned as he saw Youngjae was tense in this situation. Youngjae nodded and then exhaled not knowing he had been holding his breath.

"Well I dont know if you are aware but I suffer Bi-Polar disorder which is one of the hardest disorders to treat because I am either extremely depressed or extremely euphoric there is no in between. I was told by many that the only way I would ever be able to control it to a certain degree is with medication. I was convinced by a friend that I should seek proper treatment after he.... uhhh.... a-after he passed away. In his last message to me he said that he had a bank account in my name with enough money to pay for treatment. He was really the only person I had to lean on before I came here....." Jackson said as he explained why he was here.

"What about you?" Jackson finishes as he looks to Youngjae awaiting an answer

"Firstly, I am sorry for your loss." Youngjae says sympathetically Jackson smiles softly

"My story isn't as complicated as yours I guess." Youngjae started, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"I developed this phobia called 'Phylophobia' that is basically being afraid of falling in love due to previous experiences in my life. By developing this phobia I ended up also developing Anxiety. And because of the Phylophobia and Anxiety together I was unable to make friends with others. Eventually I just gave up and isolated myself so I wouldn't have to deal with the constant fear lingering over me when I attempted to talk to someone else" Youngjae said. He scanned Jackson's confused face in hopes to find some sort of bad reaction... No sign of a bad reaction made Youngjae sigh in relief.

They continued talking for a while, getting to know each other, building a beautiful friendship that would last until the end. Even the nurses struggled to get them to sleep because the two boys' energy were radiating from each other. In the end they both had stayed up all night getting to know each other and slept just about all day.