All for you

Chapter 12

His voice clocked through my mind like a strike of lightning. Even though his masculine tone had barely announced a full sentence, my thoughts seemed to be already consumed by his facial features despite their visibility to me.

His eyes, the way I knew they'd dilate just like they always did at the sound of my voice never failing to leave a grin plastered upon my own face.

His hair, the way it would fall gently upon his upper brow after his decision to grow out the usual short tamed mane he carried so perfectly.

His eyebrows, the way I pictured his fingers gently rubbing over each stretching out his hand as his worry built.

"Jo, please tell me you're there" he finally announced again over a connection I knew already would be costing a fortune.

"Answer him Jo," Anna said lowly from my side as silence consumed my end of the line, her gaze sending me just the right amount of encouragement allowing me to finally speak up.

"Hero" I gasped emptying the full capacity of my lungs.

"J-jo, it's you, you're actually there" he announced in a way I knew meant he never expected a response.

"I'm here" I spoke to my best ability trying to break out of the state of shock I was trapped in.

"How are you? I spoke to Anna, she told me something was wrong. Is everything okay, are you okay?"

Every syllable he spoke felt sacred. I knew all along with my separation from him wouldn't be simple, that I would feel more ounces of pain than I'd ever once before when lacking his presence. But all along, the whole entirety of his time out of my own grasp, I knew I was doing it for him.

Not only that, but the extra torture of seeing his sculptured skin wasn't there as he escaped back to London just in time for lockdown.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"Good, I've just been so worried about you I-"

"Please, don't get worried over me. I'm sure you've got better things to occupy your mind with" I announced sharply, completely changing the tone of the conversation like a light switch, a flip I could only blame on the hormones seeming to be taking full control of my body.

"Jo look, about that pictur-" he spoke seeming to realize the deeper meaning behind my simplistic words.

"Look Hero you did nothing wrong. Your single, she, I also suppose is single, I'm happy for you" I lied through my teeth interrupting the voice I found myself enjoying hearing far too much as the one spitting foul words in my mind made an entrance into the real world.

"What the fuck do you mean I'm single Jo? Last time I checked you chucked me out without a fucking explanation. We never broke up Jo. You may have told me that you never fucking loved me but you know in yourself that's nothing but shit. I know you do." he spoke in a tone which I knew meant his anger was building with his voice echoing showing I was on speaker available to the prying ears of those unknown to me.

"Look Hero, I'm not having this discussion right n-"

"When will you allow us to have this discussion then Jo. The next time I call? When quarantine's over? When we fucking have to go and film a bloody movie together? All I want to know is what changed baby, what changed to make you try an end our relationship? God we were far from perfect, we had our argument but that shit doesn't matter love"

His use of 'baby' and 'love' returned the sickening feeling spiraling around my stomach. Despite it previously sounding so natural, it now sounded angelic leaving the lips I imagine to be so plump hiding behind the screen.

"Please Hero this call is probably costing you a fortune and it's late ther-"

"You think I give a fuck about how much this costs Jo? I'd spend every last penny I've ever fucking earned just to talk to you" he started, making the pain of our separation even larger than previous.

"Don't you fucking understand I love you with every ounce of my heart Jo. I'd do anything, anything at all for you, you've given me a purpose. I'm not entirely sure about my future Jo, the exact date I want to get married or how many kids I want, god I don't have a fucking clue" he started up again, the very mention of kids widening my eyes along with the three other pairs who have gradually moved closer to me as the conversation progressed.

"But what I do know, no matter what happens I want you, Jo. I have no idea what I've done but please baby, tell me and let me fix this mess." He ended in a tone I knew meant tears were now trailing down his delicate cheeks, folding over his dimples and soon after swimming to the ground.

Just as I was about to speak and give up the shield I'd spent 3 weeks building up, the voice I knew to be Felix's made itself known.

"Bro, good you're fucking awake. That chic Chanal I think has been banging down the fucking door for half an hour saying she wants you or some shit. Shall I let her in or-

Before I even allowed the rest of his best friend's statement to flow through my ears, I pull the phone away and instantly click down on the red button I should have used far too long ago.

Within seconds, tears started gushing out of my eyes as his lies bit me back in the face. His words of love towards me, him calling me 'baby', all of it was nothing but absolute shit.

Before any one of the surrounding body's even had a chance to move, the sound of my phone buzzing with his face started up again. This time, I didn't look at the picture as a man I once loved, all I saw was a pure sadistic liar.

With the water still rolling down my face in a gentle rhythm, I grabbed the device and headed straight for his name. Anger still flowing through my veins, my finger touched a second symbol I should have already connected with. The words "are you sure you'd like to block" flashed up against the dark screen taking me only seconds to click.

Throwing the device to the ground, I didn't care about the cracks that would be left on the screen. I knew my hormones were amplifying the situation to new depths but right now, I couldn't even think straight about normal things never mind how I'd soon have to add on the expense of a phone.

"Jo" Hallie spoke wiping the tear pouring out of my left eye as she wrapped both arms around my back in the most caring manner. Soon, the other two women in the room followed in her footsteps, giving me soothing words which I knew were probably forced in front of there own confusion.

Everything about this situation is a mess, everything about my life is a mess.

I was trying so hard to force my new priorities forward but there always seemed a new situation blocking that idea completely. Where I'd go from here, how I'd tell him about his child, I had no idea, but right now, I solely need to let out my pent up emotions revolving around that entire conversation.