22.2

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May 2022
Brooklyn, New York

May 2022Brooklyn, New York

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Onika "Nicki" Maraj

My mother was talking to Beyoncé and they seem to be getting along pretty well. It was scary watching them laugh, I never shared a laugh with my mother before. Beyoncé caught me looking and nodded me over, I slowly approached them, "your mother was just telling me you've always had a thing for music. Rap is your favorite."

"Yea...it's nothing."

"Nothing, Nicki I used to walk by your room and listen to you. I thought your career choice would've been music, cosmetology is a shock to me."

"You never told me you listened to my songs." She smiled, damn we got the same smile. "Well I'll leave you two alone, my mother is calling me." Bey got up walking to the kitchen. I was trying my best to open up but it was weird, I'm not used to affection from a mother or admiration.

I didn't know what to make of this, "uhm, can we...can we slow down for a bit I'm kinda freaking out. This is too much too soon."

"Onika I'm your mom y-"

"Your not my mom, mom is a cute nickname you give your maternal parent or a mother figure in your life. You were neither. You were cold and you allowed my father to beat me almost every day." She looked down into her lap, "I remember the first time he hit, I was four. I bumped into the table and dropped a cup and water spilled on the floor. My father took his belt off and beat me until he split the skin on my leg. I cried out to you and you just turned away."

"Onika...I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I'm asking for a second chance to be your mother."

"Why should I let you, you failed the first time."

"Because I love you. It may not seem like it but I do, when you left I actually reflected on everything."

"Did you do it because he's hitting you or because you feel guilty and actually want to make things right."

"I want to make things right." I stared at her in complete disbelief. "Why now? Why not when I really needed you?" She cupped my face, I didn't mean to but I flinched. Her being her was messing with my nerves, I didn't want to be touched. Not by her and not by anyone, "I screwed up. I knew what kind of man he was but I choose not to believe it, he never wanted children and I let him manipulate me into thinking I didn't want you. But when I saw you walk across the stage.... I realized how wrong I was. The way your friend hugged you when you threw your cap in the air I saw a side of you that I wanted to know. Then the way your eyes lit up when that beautiful little girl calls you momma, a part of me wishes we had that connection and that's what I want. I want to fix the bridge between us, I want to be your mother." I could tell she was speaking from the heart. She wasn't just trying to worm her way back for personal gain, she actually wanted...me.

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