tom holland oneshots

troubled

warnings : TW // postpartum depression

summary : reader has postpartum depression

word count : 770

(requested) again, sorry it took so long. on another note, i need more peter parker concepts

It started when you got home. First, the baby didn't latch on when breastfeeding. Then, you couldn't get her to sleep as easily. You hadn't changed a diaper in two weeks, and now Scarlet was starting to giggle, only it was never because of you. 

You stopped eating. Stopped sleeping through the night, and eventually, you stopped sleeping altogether. You weren't sure if Tom had noticed, because with all the pressure and stress of taking care of a newborn and trying to stay up to date with his job and the media, he was out like a light most of the time. You thought you could pull yourself back together; Tom was a great father, but it was a hard job to do alone and you knew you needed to step up and start helping. But it just wasn't clicking. 

"Darling?" Tom said, popping his head in the bedroom. "Can you get her diaper? I'm on a call," he explained, the phone against his upper chest. Hesitantly, you nodded, and he mouthed a "thank you," before leaving the room and heading back to the office. 

In the nursery, Scarlet was in her crib, crying of course. You carefully picked her up, and the feeling made you nostalgic. You had only then just realized that you hadn't held her in about a week. Damn you, Y/N. 

Setting her on the changing table, you stared in thought, spacing out on how to start. When you were pregnant, you had practiced how to change diapers and clean a  baby countless times, but after returning from the hospital, it all seemed of a foreign concept to you. 

Reluctantly, you attempted to start. Unclipping Scarlet's fuzzy body suit, the draft of her waste blew right into your face and you took a step back for a deep breath. After a moment, you stepped back into place and reached for the diapers on a shelf underneath the top of the table Scarlet was seated on. You cleaned her successfully, but glancing back and forth between her and the diaper caused your breathing to quicken and your movements to slow. You didn't know how. 

 Scarlet was beginning to cry again, and it was then that you started to join her. The droplets filled your eyes but never fell, for Tom was coming in. "Darling?" he peeped his head through the door before fully emerging. "You've been in here awhile, is everything okay?" He was coming towards you, and eventually he was close enough to see how upset you were. "Baby? What's wrong?" He asked, grabbing one of your hands.

You glanced to Scarlet and then to the diaper in your hand, before wiping your eye. "Why's it so hard?"

"What is, baby?"

"I just-.. everything." 

Tom's expression changed to a worried one, and he pulled you closer to him and took the diaper out of your hand. Gently, he taught you how to put it on her, guiding you and giving you tips before putting her back to sleep in her crib. Then, he was pulling you out of the room and into the privacy of your bedroom. 

"Baby..." he started. "What's been going on? You seem so distressed, lately."

"Tommy, I-," you weren't sure how to break the news to him, but on impulse you decided to be blunt about it. "I went to the doctors when you were at your mum's. I have postpartum depression."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I.." you glanced down to how your hands were fiddling in your lap. "I didn't want you to know how bad of a mother I've been." 

"Y/N," he said, lifting your chin up to engage eye contact. "You are not a bad mother. Don't ever say that again. Don't even think it."

"Why do-"

"You wanna know how I know you're a good mother?" he questioned, and you nodded in response. " I know because... you carried our baby girl for nine months. You stayed healthy and you were cautious and mindful of our babygirl. And then," he reached for your hands, "then you gave birth, and you went through all that pain and sweat and crying. And you know what? You stayed. You brought her home, brought her to me. And you're still trying despite going through tough shit. Y/N that makes you one of the best mothers."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

You smiled gently before getting pulled into Tom's embrace. 

"Please, Y/N/N.. don't be afraid to confide me in things like this. I love you."

"I love you too, Tommy. I promise."