Lafayette x reader

but if you had to choose

a week had past since the dinner with everyone, i had been spending a lot of time thinking about  how i truly felt, meaning i didnt been going to see thomas as much as i normally did, i decided i'd go to the cabinet today, i wanted to chat with martha about this or maybe washington but he was probably to busy, i walked with alexander to the cabinet and made my way to the room where me and martha would chat while the boys had their meeting,  i talked to her about what had been going on and we chatted about it for awhile, she told me that i'd know in my heart who i truly wanted to be with, even if it took time to figure out, i couldnt help but sigh at that, i just wanted someone to tell me that i was stupid and that i should obviously stay with thomas, because, thats what i had been telling myself but unfortunately that wasnt the advice i was getting, hours passed and the meeting ended washington entered the room and smiled at me, i smiled back and asked him if he had a moment to talk, i wanted a second opinion, luckily he did, i walked with him to his office

"y/n, what did you want to talk about?" washington asked, he seemed concerned

"i..i wanted to ask you some things.." i said then continued to speak after a small pause "i-i think i still have feelings for lafayette even though i've been with thomas for so long and lafayette left for years..and now..i..just dont know if i even have feelings for thomas..i dont know what to do.." i looked up at washington, i wasnt tearing up as i talked about this which was surprising

washington took a moment to think before speaking "would you say you love thomas?" he questioned

"of course i do.." i said without hesitation 

"romantically?" washington asked

"...what?" i gave a confused look

"do you love thomas romantically? or like a dear friend who you wouldnt wish to lose" washington questioned, sitting down 

"i..i feel like i should say romantically...right?" i looked at him

"if you're asking me that, i think the answer is no, and i think you know that, you just dont wish to admit it" washington said "now, with lafayette, would you say you love him?" he asked, looking at me

I blushed "uhm.." i looked away from him "..yes.."   

"do you love lafayette romantically?" washington asked

i slowly nod, i didnt even really think about, i looked at washington as he stood up 

"then i think you know exactly how you feel" washington said and walked over to me "are you going to have a talk with thomas about this?" he asked

i stayed quiet "..i should...shouldnt i?..." i sighed softly

washington nodded and pulled me into a gentle hug, i hugged back, soon leaving his office and going to find thomas, after all we did need to talk even if i really didnt want to, i soon found thomas, walking up to him, arron and james, i held thomas' hand which made him look at me, i just smiled, he finished up his conversation with arron and james then wrapped his arms around my waist

"hello doll" thomas smiled

"hi.." i looked up at him 

"are you ready to go?" thomas questioned

"yeah.." i leaned onto him a little, i walked with thomas to his house, holding his hand, once we got there i almost immediately walked him to the living room, sitting on the couch, thomas seemed confused but sat next to me "thomas..." i started the conversation "we need to talk..." i told him

thomas sighed "is this about lafayette?" he questioned 

"what?.." i looked at him

"is this about lafayette?" thomas asked

"i..no?..yes?..i..why are you asking that?" i suddenly got really nervous

"well, you've been distant ever since whatever happened at the dinner and you havent talked about it" thomas sighed

"what?.." i looked at thomas

"doll...whats goin on with you?.." thomas looked at me, his expression saddened

"i..thomas..i dont know.." i sighed 

thomas hugged me, i burried my face in his chest "its alright doll..what do you want to do?.."  he asked

"..what?" i questioned and looked up at him

"y/n..what do you want to do..i promise i wont be upset.." thomas smiled at me

i look up at him "...i..i want to end our courtship" i told him as i stopped hugging him

"i see.." thomas let out a soft sigh "alright..would you like me to walk you home?"  he asked

"you're..really ok?" i questioned 

thomas chuckled softly "i understand doll, dont worry about me" he smiled softly, he looked hurt i could tell, but i didnt say anything "so, would you like me to walk you home?" he asked

"..yeah.." i nod, thomas walked me home, when i got home i decided to help philip with writing to take my mind off of how calm thomas was about all of this, soon i was helping philip with his 3rd poem of the day, i didnt want to deal with life anymore but i had to, in fact i had to comfort lafayette soon, which was not going to be fun, considering last time i saw him all i did was yell at him and cry, i figured he probably hated me now, i looked around then walked to my room, philip had gone out so i no longer had a distraction, which was not fun for me, but i decided i'd try to take my mind off of everything, i started writing, i wrote about my thoughts just to get everything in order, i also wrote some things i could say to lafayette down, seeing what would be best to start the conversation i would eventually have with him, soon i stopped writing, i went to go get a glass of water when i saw that alexander was with his friends, great, i hid in the kitchen hoping none of them noticed me, when, of course, i heard a french accent 

"y/n?...are...you alright?" lafayette questioned softly

i looked over at him "..im fine, and im sorry about..well..you know..yelling at you.." i told him, taking a shaky breath, i was nervous being around him still

"its fine..i do not mind..." laf smiled softly at me "how are you and thomas?" he questioned 

"oh..uhm..about that.." i laughed nervously "we..ended our courtship.." i told lafayette

"...you did?..oh" lafayette gave a small nod, kinda like he didnt know how to react

"yeah...but its for the best.." i stated simply "i..dont really think i have those kind of feelings for him.." i sighed softly

"really?..i see.." lafayette walked over to me "is there a reason you think this?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow

"uhm.." i blushed softly as i looked at lafayette, did..he know? or was he just hoping its because i love him "yes, there is.." i pause for a moment "it's because i can't get you out of my head lafayette..its..annoying..and i know you know this already but..i dont hate you..i just..didnt like that i still have such strong feelings for you" i told him, while looking away

lafayette smiled softly "..so you still like me?.." he sounded happy

"yeah.." i look up at laf

"im glad" laf smiled brightly