The Walls We've Built (Lashton)

13

Maybe Ashton should've handled this better. Actually, not maybe, he definitely should've handled this better. He should've responded to that text instead of leaving it hanging. But that's what he did. Just seeing those 3 words almost gave him a heart attack, it scared the living daylights out of him. His breath hitched and his phone fell from his grasp, it looked like he just seen a ghost.

All day, thoughts chaotically running in his mind on what to do. Telling himself that this can't happen, that he shouldn't have led Luke on this long. Now, as guilty as ever, knowing what needed to be done. So he did it. Kind of.

Ashton never responded to Luke's text. Even when the day turned to night and repeated itself the next day. He never responded. He couldn't, the whole thing just overwhelmed him too much because the thought about having a relationship, feelings, hurt, just became too much. He knew what relationships bring. Pain, misery, emptiness. That's what he didn't want and will do everything in his power to avoid.

It may have not been the best option to go to, he should've talked to Luke like a mature person, but he didn't. That text lingering in his phone for a couple days now, just waiting to be replied to. He couldn't bring himself to do it though.

One of the reasons why he couldn't text back was because he wasn't sure how he felt. Sort of. Liking Luke was something way beyond Ashton that he was still learning to do and this sudden bomb that's been dropped just broke everything. He needed more time, this wasn't supposed to happen yet, but I guess that's the thing with bombs. They're unexpected.

Ashton has feelings for him, yes. They're also growing, he knows that, he feels that. Maybe that's why he's so scared, never feeling like this before can do some serious nerve racking scares. Although, he's talked about his feelings before, he needed time to actually come to terms with it. Does he actually like Luke or is it just because he is the first guy to actually show an interest in Ashton?

This could all be happening for nothing, what if Luke actually said that when he doesn't really mean it fully. Ashton did not want to reply when not knowing 100% what he feels. He needed to be absolutely sure.

As Ashton looked at the text again, seeing the small notification that indicates it was delivered two days ago, —thank the heavens he didn't have his read receipts on— he heard someone speak next to him.

"Are you snooping?" He asked his mom. "No." She replied trying to cover up the fact that she was. She never was a good liar. So giving her a knowing look with a head tilt making her cave. "Okay fine. Honey, he said he likes you. Why haven't you replied back? I'm sure he is thinking a lot of negative things about himself right now."

"I know. I'm just—"

"Scared?" Ashton nodded with a sigh. "Of relationships in general. The fact that this very well could be my first one. The fact that I could mess it up, he could leave me, lose feelings or just not want me. Wouldn't be the first time someone didn't want me." He frowned. "I know you're very hurt about that and you have every right to be, but you shouldn't project that onto Luke. I can't say he's different from the guys you've been with cause, well, you haven't been with anyone, but I can tell he wants to stay Ashton. Now all you have to decide if whether or not you'll let him."

Sighing again thinking very carefully and deeply about his mother's words, because she was right. He didn't mean to treat Luke like everyone else in his life, it's just being so used to not having any one, so actually having someone was totally out of his comfort zone he just didn't know what to do. With one last thought, he exited the car that felt like it lasted forever then walked into his school.

This is the only time when he actually wanted to go to school, to get his mind off things, which he honestly shouldn't, he should just text Luke and get it over with. But that's not Ashton. He can't. He needed time to think this through and that's what's been happening within the last couple of days.