a sky full of stars - louis partridge

the letter

CHARLOTTE
SUNDAY, NOV 1st 2024

It was a sunny day in Paris as Charlotte walked back into her home from work. "Hey this is for you" River said, approaching her with what looked like an envelope. River was almost 17 now, he had matured so much, he was barely recognisable.The only thing written on it was her name, the address on the back and a Big Ben stamp. As soon as she saw the handwriting she knew who it was from. But it can't be? she thought to herself. She jogged upstairs and sat down on the bed in her room. Slowly, she ripped the envelope, unfolding the paper. She looked down, and began to read.

Dear Char,

From the moment I first saw you I felt a connection to your soul. I can still remember exactly how you looked the day we first met. It was raining that day, but your hair was still dry and your makeup was still in place because you had your hood up. Your beautiful blue eyes captured my heart and your smile erased any and all pain that I had ever experienced. When you opened your arms I stepped into your loving, kind embrace and knew that I was "home" right where I had always belonged.

You knew just the words to say to put me at ease and when your hand reached out to hold mine, I realised that I had found my future, my soulmate and the love that I had always dreamed of discovering. We spoke for hours about every possible subject and never ran out of words to say to each other.

I could see the longing and passion in your eyes and I'm sure that it was a reflection of the incredibly intense desire that I was feeling at the same moment. The world had ceased to exist and there were only the two of us dancing in the rain, your fingers joined with mine and the experience of emotions that we had never felt before began.

The night we danced in the rain to the 1975 was the best night of my life. You were flawed yet a masterpiece, misery and happiness and emotion in a wild mess on a canvas, beautiful despite the chaos. I don't think you ever knew the power you held over me.

I loved you like the moon loved the stars and the sea loved the shore, and it was all crashing like waves against my heart. My joy was richer, deeper and more intense than I had ever dreamed to be possible. I can remember the tears of happiness in my eyes as I turned to look at you. The first kissed we shared that night in the park was one I shall never forget. having to tell you good night and return you home without me was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do in my life. Even knowing that you would call me on the phone later to wish me good night once more made our parting no easier to bare.

Them moments we spent apart seemed like a bit of eternity and I could barely wait until the next time I would see you or talk to you. Never have distances seemed so long and cold and lonely.

I remember how angry my mates would get when I used to ditch football so I could see you instead. And the way I would swing into the seat next to you on the bus every morning. Or the countless times I got lost in your eyes. You stuck in my head like the lyrics of a song. You were on my mind like a reoccurring  loop since the moment we had first met.

The night you got kicked out and ended up at my door, was the best night of my life.
When I got home that night I painted that picture of you beneath the stars. Remember that apartment in central London I bought for when we wanted to escape from our shit show of lives at home? well I live here now, it still looks the same just with more painted canvases then I ever thought I could complete. But painting is the only thing that helps with the pain.

I wish you could see the painting of you hanging in our living room above the couch.  
I've tried looking at it a couple times, with no meaning, but that's impossible. Everyday it reminds me how it felt getting so lost at the thought of how beautiful you were. I wish I could see how far you've come. I know you'll be doing big things.

My intention of writing this wasn't to make you miss me, or to make you feel like coming back. I know that Paris was your dream, and I am so glad that your dream came true. I just feel like I owe you the truth, the real reason I broke your heart. I knew it was gonna hurt us both more than anything else in the world but I couldn't be selfish. I had to let you go. You deserved happiness so I left. I couldn't keep you in England I knew how far back it was holding you. The only way I could be sure that you would get everything you ever wanted was if i broke you. Words will never be able to explain how sorry I am for that. Seeing you so broken those last couple of weeks you were in London absolutely shattered me. But I had to be the bad guy, it was the only way. We had a connection like no other. A connection that would've lasted a life time and I knew that it would be impossible for us to both achieve everything else we wanted while being together.

You were everything I ever wanted, and so much more, all wrapped up in a 5-foot -4, blonde haired, blue eyed women. Whether it was your smile or your or your sense of humour or your desire to put a smile on everybody's face around you, you made me fall for you. It's been three years and it all still gets to me sometimes. It was a unique experience to love someone as intensely as I loved you and even though it broke us both in the end, I wouldn't change it if I could. I suppose it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I hope you know that you never let me down for a second. You were the one. I took things slowly with you because I loved you, I adored you and I thought we had all the time in the world. I knew that you saw the hurt behind my smile. Someone in my past hurt me very deeply and I was afraid to trust you. To this day I still don't know how you figured that out. Your plan from the very beginning was to get me to trust you, To lower my defences and let you in and so that's what I did.

It has been just over a three years now and there are still people who keep on asking about us. They ask me if we're still friends, they ask me how we've been and if we still talk.
I don't know but whenever someone tries to bring up the past, whenever someone tries to bring up what happened, my heart aches at the thought of you walking out the door.

Out of respect for you and the the life you've built, I don't not expect a response. I understand that moving on is the only option. I wish you the very best. I hope River and Elliot are loving it over there.

- lou

and it was at this moment she knew that the worst tragedy in the world was when two people who loved each other oh so much just couldn't make it work.

Charlotte read the note over and over again until her head ached and her eyes burned. Part of her wanted to tear the damn thing into pieces, but still she couldn't look away from it. From his messy cursive handwriting saying how much he loved her, to the memories of them in the rain. Things so simple yet characteristic of him, things she wasn't sure she would ever see again or hear again.

Charlotte folded the note with her numb fingers, slid it into her pocket and got up on her feet. She felt cold, freezing cold, everything in her turned to ice. As she walked her way back to the kitchen she was greeted with a kiss by a green-eyed, blonde haired boy. After loving Louis she knew she could never love another with brown eyes like his again. She had now fallen in love with the colour green. It reminded her of the tall, muscly man who kissed her goodnight and made her laugh like no other, a man that didn't keep secrets, someone that she could trust. If the letter had come a couple years earlier she would've jumped at the idea of going back to London to see him but she had now fallen in love with her new life and there was no going back from here.