a sky full of stars - louis partridge

it's just too late

CHARLOTTE
SATURDAY, NOV 18th 2020

The wind was starting to get chilly as Louis walked down the street. Somehow he had ended up here again. And there he was standing outside the front of her broken home. He'd ended up here at least 10 times since he had last saw her, trying to come up with the words to make her forgive him, debating wether to tell her that none of it was true.

"Elliot my phone died" River shouted, "quickly run next door and ask if you can borrow there's." Without any hesitation Elliot ran outside, not even looking where he was going, and suddenly he felt himself crash into a tall, lanky figure. "Elliot" the voice said. "What happened" the voice continued. Elliot quickly looked up, and identified that the voice belonged to Louis. "It's Charlotte she's hurt, you need to call an ambulance." Elliot shouted. Louis ran inside, while dialling the number.

Louis thought he would have been prepared for the sight that greeted him. He wasn't. The ambulance was on its way and as Louis looked around the room, all he saw was shattered glass, and the girl the the loved, her eyes closed, unmoving. Too still to be asleep.  For a moment Louis just froze in the doorway, and then he was running, his vision blurry, eyes swimming with tears. She looked lifeless and she was filled with cuts and bruises all over her body. Sat next to her was river, holding her hand in a tight grip and whispering to her, "come on Charlotte, stay with me, okay come on, you're strong than this, and i know i barely say it but i love you and you're the best sister i could've asked for, you always took the blame for me whenever i fucked up, and i shouldn't have let you, mum always takes her anger out on you and now she's done this...oh my god, just please stay." he cried.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Louis didn't know whether he wanted to throw up or tear the room apart. His throat felt like it was tearing apart, and as he fell on his knees beside her he realised he was screaming her name. Her skin, when he touched it, was bloody, pale and cold.  He picked her up by the waist, but she was lifeless in his hands; her head fell back and her back arched as he pulled her towards him, held her in his arms. "No, no, no, no, no," he choked out, feeling as though he was suffocating. "Please no. Charlotte, don't you dare fucking leave me, not now, not after everything, please—I love you, Charlotte, I love you, I love you, don't you die on me!" 

His face was wet with tears he couldn't even remember shedding. He couldn't stop saying Charlotte's name, begging her to open her eyes, begging and begging even though he knew she couldn't hear him.  So many warning signs and he had missed them all, he knew Margaret was sick in the head, he should've been there for her.

As much as he tried not to think it, the word flashed in his head, impossible to avoid. Dead. She's dying.  His heart felt black, everything dark, everything cracking and shattering and falling to pieces around him.  "Charlotte?" a small voice said. Luke tore his eyes away from Ellie's face momentarily to see Elliot standing in the doorway, frozen, River was still on his knees and had his head in his hands. Elliot looked to his older brother, his expression a mixture of confusion and absolute terror. "What's going on, I thought she was gonna be okay? River?" That was too much for Louis. He couldn't even cry anymore crying was too basic, didn't do it justice. The sounds being torn from his throat weren't sobs or screams but just wretched, terrible pain, all the hurt and grief and agony and horror that ripped at him, cut him open like a million knives. The memories playing in his head over and over again.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, pulling her closer to him, tucking her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder as if he could shield her from everything that was happening, even now. He could almost pretend that her pulse wasn't dropping, nothing more than her just being asleep in his arms, gently breathing. "I'm so, so sorry"  He felt her chest move a slow rise and fall, barely there and stopped, pulled back slightly. She was still breathing. What he thought had been a figment of his imagination was the gentle movement of her chest as she breathed.

"Charlotte?" Louis sucked in a breath of his own, felt like his heart was about to stop. There it came again another breath, slow, barely there, but something. "Her pulse it's coming back," he croaked. "She's gonna be okay." Relief poured through him, a rush of warmth that lifted some of the ice from his veins. It was gone just as quickly; the time between each of her breaths was excruciatingly long, too long. She might still be breathing, but for how much longer? 

The moment the paramedics arrived she was whisked away from him, disappearing in a whirl of shouts and machines beeping. Louis was pushed back, out of the way, like he was some sort of annoying, obstacle, obstructing them from their task it was only Charlotte they had eyes for. They crowded around Charlotte so closely checking her pulse, giving her oxygen that all Louis could see was glimpses, brief flashes. Louis could do nothing as she was carried outside and into the ambulance, waiting on the street. Everything must have happened within a minute. Unable to bear the thought of being separated from her Louis tried to push past and follow, but a short, brunette policewoman stepped forward and stopped him in his tracks. He hadn't noticed them arrive, but three police officers had entered the house, assembling in the hall. One went upstairs to take a look at the scene, the other two had approached Louis, Elliot and River.

The policewoman who had stopped him was saying his name, asking to talk to him. "Did you hear me?"  Louis looked at the police officer and shook his head slowly. He was hardly aware of anything, he just wanted to make sure Charlotte was okay. He hadn't heard any of the questions she'd asked him, he could barely even see. He didn't know where River or Elliot were anymore. He could hear the sirens wailing as the ambulance sped away from the house and instead of being by her side he was here, completely useless, not even sure if she was still breathing, if he'd ever hear her voice again or feel the softness of her kisses.  Breathe in, breathe out he told himself. "I need you to tell me what happened." the policewoman said. He cleared his throat, before telling her what he knew.

As he stood there, aimlessly, River entered and approached him, her own interview clearly finished.  "I'm going to the hospital," he said. "We won't be allowed to see her for a while, not while they're operating, but you can come with me, if you want. Elliot's coming too." Louis just nodded. Before walking down stairs with River.