a sky full of stars - louis partridge

no going back

CHARLOTTE
THURSDAY, NOV 16th 2020

After the fight and her tears had left her completely, Charlotte fell asleep, curled up with her legs to her chest. Dried tears stained her cheeks, tinted black with her makeup.  She woke up earlier that usual this morning. Actually that was a lie, she never really had gotten to sleep, she had only just finally stopped crying. She decided to go for a walk, to clear her mind. It was around 5am and the cold breeze blew against her skin. She could barely feel it though. The cold was nothing compared to the pain of her broken heart.

The park seemed deserted. No one was on the footpaths, no one was on the playground, nothing was outside on the streets surrounding it except pigeons and empty cars. Charlotte wandered aimlessly. She had no idea where she was going, all she knew was that she didn't want to go home, she couldn't put up with margaret, not now, not while she felt so broken. The weather had finally started to warm up as sun rised, but despite the sun, Charlotte didn't feel warm. She just felt numb. Somehow she found herself on a bench, only a few metres away from where Louis and her had first kissed.

She stared into the distance blankly as the memories played like a movie inside her head, until suddenly she heard a voice. "Oh, hey, Charlotte." Charlotte's head jerked up and she jumped, startled, but it was only Johnathon. She let out a heavy breath, and he laughed quietly. "I was definitely not expecting to see you out here," he said. "I wasn't expecting to see you either," she said, turning her attention back to the weeds at her feet. "I felt like a smoke break." He said taking a seat next to her. "Do you smoke?" She shook her head silently, watching as Johnathon pulled a lighter and a box of cigarettes out of his pocket. Instead of lighting up, he just sat there for a while, clicking the flame of the lighter on and off, on and off. He didn't say anything. Charlotte's thoughts drifted away from the lighter in Johnathon's hand, and turned to Louis. She wondered where he was now. Asleep, most probably, unless he had snuck out with Bianca. The thought of them together made her feel sick to her stomach.

She still couldn't quite wrap her head around the events of that night. She sat there and stared into empty space. Distant. Numb. She had felt the same way she had felt then ever since it had happened. Back in the park, Johnathon broke her from her trance. He nudged her in the side and held out a cigarette. "Want one?" She stared at it for a moment. "I don't do it for no reason, you know." Johnathon placed the cigarette between his lips instead. "It takes the edge off whatever pain you're feeling." Charlotte smiled. "I've had my fair share of pain." "You wanna try it, then?" he asked, and this time she nodded without hesitating. He pulled out another cigarette and placed the end of it in her mouth for her. He pulled out his lighter, cupping his hand around her face to protect the flame from the wind. She had never seen him so close up before. He had very blue eyes. The smoke burned all the way down her throat, she coughed a little and scrunched up her face, covering her mouth with her left hand. Small puffs of grey came out with each cough. Once she could breathe with some sort of regularity, she tried again. This time it was slightly easier, it burned less, hurt less. She didn't cough.

Johnathon lit up his own cigarette, and Charlotte watched him as she took a few more drags of her own. He smoked a lot more naturally than she did, easily, like it was some sort of art that he had mastered. It was another two hours until they got up and parted ways, just before the clock hit 8 o'clock. Before that they had stayed in the car park, smoking  and listening to Charlotte's music and talking. She learnt more about Johnathon than she had ever expected to, like his troubled love for Katherine, one of the most popular, gorgeous girls in the entire school truthfully, one of the most popular, gorgeous girls Charlotte had ever personally encountered. He told her about how he was living with his uncle across the city instead of with his parents because he only ever fought with them, and about how his little sisters hated how much he smoked, and that he felt terrible because they meant so much to him but no matter what he did he couldn't stop. Maybe he just didn't want to. He didn't know what the difference was anymore. And Charlotte told Johnathon about her mum in exchange, about her family that was so torn to shreds it was no longer even remotely reparable. How sad her little brother River was all the time and how he let it all out through anger. She didn't tell him how sad she was, or how lost she felt, She didn't tell him that she had felt happier than she ever when she was with Louis.