selfish | salia

Chapter 40

"Simon, you've been sat at your computer reading something for the last hour and a half," I observed, looking up from my phone. "What's gotten your attention so much?"

"Nothing, just reading feedback from my last video, that's all," he said quickly, shutting down his laptop. "I have a meeting today, actually I need to leave for it soon. I'll see you tonight?"

"Sure will," I said quietly, getting the feeling he was leaving something out. Something was up with him. We had just spent over an hour in silence, and an awkward silence at that. I'd ask someone about it and make sure he was okay. 

I watched as he left the room, taking his laptop with him. I wasn't sure if it was a Sidemen meeting or if it was just for him, but either way I needed to speak with Josh or JJ. I was sure they'd know what was going on. 

For right now, I searched his name into YouTube, clicking on his latest video, the one he rushed to film yesterday after crashing from the boxing fight afterparty. 

It wasn't even a bad video, he just looked very tired because he was. And then I got to the comments. 

"Holy crap," I whispered, scrolling through the apparent hundreds of hate comments all directed at Simon. Picking apart his appearance, his personality, the video...you name it, there was a hate comment. 

Shutting my phone off and dumping it on the bed I rushed out of Simon's room, knocking on Josh's door and shouting his name. "Josh? Josh, are you in there?" I called out, knocking some more. 

He came to the door, opening it with a confused expression littered on his face. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"

"Have you seen the comments on Simon's video? His most recent one?" I asked, walking into his room after he let me in. 

"No, no I haven't. Should I?" He asked, his eyes darting between me and Freya, who is just about waking up in the bed. 

"Crap, I'm sorry if I woke you guys up - Simon's been reading hate comments all day and then said he had to go for a meeting and wouldn't be back until tonight, I'm just worried he's about to spiral," I explain to them, telling Josh the name of the video so he can type it in for himself. 

Freya and Josh look through the comments I just have, and their reactions were the exact same as mine. 

"What did the poor lad do for those type of comments? It's just a normal video, I don't understand?"

"I don't know either," I agreed in response to Josh, who was still trying to get a grip of the situation. 

"Well, what do you need me to do?" 

"Do you know if he does actually have a meeting now? Or if he's - I don't know? I know he won't do anything stupid, at least I don't think he would, but I'm still worried he's out by himself after reading the comments," I explain. 

"I don't personally know if he has a meeting, no. I'd suggest talking to El, if anyone was to know, it would be her," he said, looking a little bit helpless as he did. 

"Alright, thank you! I'm sorry for waking you up, I panicked and didn't know who else to tell first," I explained. 

"You're all good," Freya chimed in. "This is our fault for staying up until five in the morning. Everyone else in the house is awake when we're asleep," she laughed. "Try not to worry too much. I'm sure he either is actually in a meeting, or he's just blowing off steam. He's responsible," she said, and her words genuinely managed to calm me down a little. 

Before going to see El, I made a quick pit stop back to Simon's room. I tried calling his number, but it went to voicemail, meaning he either was in a meeting and had it turned off or - I didn't even want to think about the or. It would be fine. This was just me overthinking.