selfish | salia

Chapter 44

it's all been going DOWN in all my books, happy to say it applies here too :)

alsoooooo!!! your gal has finally got a job, and i start this friday yayyyy!! i have no idea how many shifts im working, so if updates get slow thats why :)))

SIMON'S POV

"I'm going to get some coffee, from the cafeteria. I'll be about five minutes," I said to her, brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead before I left the room. 

Talia had been in the hospital for around five days now. The antibiotics she'd been put on didn't seem to be working, but the doctors appeared hopeful, which made me optimistic too. I hated seeing her in this much pain, but I had to put that to the side because she mattered more.

I practically had to beg her to let me tell our close friends about this, they'd started noticing us both missing, and if something did happen, it would be unfair not to tell them. 

I'd also had to phone her parents, knowing they didn't like me but still doing it for her, because she needed them with her, in case things did go south. 

As for me, how was I holding up? Not too well, but that didn't matter right now, did it? Because no matter how I was feeling, she was feeling it ten times worse. Now wasn't the time for me to complain, now was the time to look after her and reassure her that everything would eventually be alright. 

Was that necessarily true? No. I didn't know for sure that everything would be okay, but it was the best I had in me for right now. 

I lined up by the cafeteria, itching to get back to her already. 

After what seemed like ages I managed to grab my coffee and go. 

Everything was fine until I reached the corridor before her room, which was where I saw her room full of men and women in scrubs. She wasn't due for anything today, today was a normal day.

I left my coffee on a random ledge, speed walking down to the end of the corridor, stretching my legs to see if I could see what was happening in the room. 

"Excuse me sir? You can't be in here," someone tried telling me. 

"She's my girlfriend! I'm the only person she has here, what's going on?" I demanded, still not paying too much attention to the nurse in front of me. 

"Sir, please follow me and I will explain everything. But I can't do it right here, you need to let the doctor's work, okay?" She said again, and this time I looked at her, quickly looking back at the bed, still crowded around by doctor's before sighing. 

I followed her away from the room, looking over my shoulder when I could, but still not being able to see anything. I had left for five minutes. Five minutes to get a coffee so I could stay awake longer. I shouldn't have left her. I should've just stayed with her. 

We entered a different room. I could already tell that this was a room where people received bad news. It just had that type of vibe. 

"What's happened? What's wrong?" I asked, staring at the lady. 

"As you've been told, the antibiotics haven't been working as well as we'd hoped in the last couple of days. Now, we were optimistic, but unfortunately the infection in her kidney has become more severe than we thought, and she's been put on the transplant list," she tells me. 

"What happens if we can't get her a transplant quick?" I ask, worst case scenarios going through my head. 

"Fortunately, nothing fatal. We will have to keep her here, though, and monitor her closely, putting her on dialysis until we can sort out a donor. It's going to be painful, and perhaps a long wait, I really am sorry," she says. 

"Can you test me? See if I'm a match? I'd like to see if I could be a donor," I tell her, no doubt about it in my mind. 

"Sir - that's a really big decision to make so quickly. I'd advise you to think it through, talk it through with her when she's feeling a little better, talk through all your options."

"But she won't feel better, you said she needs a transplant and I'm here asking you to see if we're a match, so please test me and find out if we're a match!" I say, louder this time because I was becoming more and more frustrated by the second. I was scared. Normally if I felt like this, Talia would be the one to help calm me down. But this time, she couldn't. 

"Alright, okay. The doctor's should be out of her room for now, so I'll take you back, and then when we're ready to test you I'll come and get you," she said politely. I felt like an asshole for snapping at her, but I was terrified. 

When we entered the corridor again, her room was empty.

"She'll be unresponsive for a while, but don't panic. She'll come around eventually, she's on stronger antibiotics for today, and then tomorrow we start her dialysis treatment."

She left me at the door, reminding me she'd be back in a little while. 

I sat back down in the chair I had been in only twenty minutes ago, twenty minutes ago when we had all been optimistic this would clear up, but twenty minutes later she was on the transplant listen. 

I took hold of her hand, it was cold, and to me that was unnatural because she was usually so warm. She hated being cold, she loved summer and the warm, and she hated cold. 

"I promise I'm doing everything I can for you, Tee. I promise I'll stay by your side from now on, I won't leave," I whisper, not wanting to ever let go of her hand. 

I assume that a doctor will contact her parents, and ask them to come in to talk about her, meaning more added stress for me whilst they're here. 

I learned they didn't like me after we visited them for the first time, and sure, it was warranted back then because I was an asshole and a terrible boyfriend, but I knew I was a better person now, but they had never reached out to me, or anything so it remained hostile. The phone call the other day had been awkward as hell, too. 

"I'm getting a test to see if I'm a match to be your donor," I whisper. "If you were awake you'd tell me to not be so stupid, I know you would. You'd say something like, you can't do something that big for me, I don't deserve it, but you really do. You deserve to be happy and pain free and if I can help in anyway, I will. After that you'd probably try use the argument of what if we break up, Simon? And the answer to that is I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I'd hope you feel the same way too. There isn't a doubt in my mind about doing this for you, Talia," I finish, tears flowing freely from my eyes. 

"I never really cry, not like this," I sniff, trying to laugh a little. "But you're the best thing to ever happen to me, and I hate seeing you like this-"

I was interrupted by a wail from behind me. I whipped my head around, seeing Talia's Mum and Dad in the doorway. This was bad timing. I needed to leave. 

"I'm sorry - I'll, I'll let you two be alone with her," I say, wiping my eyes and making a go for it. 

"Simon, wait," her Dad said, stopping me in the doorway. "The nurse told us you offered to get tested as a match immediately. Thank you. We know how much you love her," he said quietly, holding his hand out for me to shake. 

Was this a peace offering? 

I took his hand, and shook it. "I really hope I'm a match. And if I'm not I'm going to search everywhere for someone that is," I promise him. 

"One of us would donate, but we aren't a match for her," he explains, looking over at his wife and his daughter. "Thank you for calling us down straight away. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but I can see how happy you make her, and how happy you both are together, so thank you," he says, and I give him one last genuine look before stepping out and leaving them together, as a family. 

I just had to cross my fingers and pray to whoever was up there that I would be a match for Talia.