Lams Oneshots

Ace

Prompt: This shit is based on a great fear of mine and I am, once again, projecting my fears onto John. Yay.

TW: John suffering (kinda), slight angst, very slight NSFW

Sorry for being dead for so long and no one's probably reading this anymore but I'm still alive (on the outside) and even if I ever give up on this, I'd still appreciate votes and I'll read all comments (and try to reply).

Also: Happy crsmus, it's chrism, merry crisis, merry cristler

Alexander and John have been dating for a while now. Even living together. Though they haven't done the deed. Of course they haven't. John was asexual and Alexander knew that and, at first, he really didn't mind, but the longer they've been together, the more Alexander missed this oh so pleasurable feeling of sex. He did pleasure himself when John wasn't around, but it wasn't the same thing as actual sex. It was frustrating to him. He loved John and he respect his boundaries and would never even think of trying to force him to do this, but he has been getting some not so great thoughts lately. He told himself he wouldn't go through with them, but he's getting really desperate and masturbating simply won't cut it anymore.

John did feel a bit bad for denying his lover what he desired, but it had happened before in a past relationship. He gave in to his boyfriend's begging, despite his own best interest and afterwards he just felt... used (and sore). He hated it. Every second of it and wished he could just erase the memory from his mind for all eternity. But he couldn't and to save himself from having to relive it, he swore to himself he won't let it happen again.

He felt a bit egoistical for it, though. He knew what Alex wanted, yet he didn't let him have it because he didn't like how it made him feel. He told himself he wasn't an egoist, but there was was this little voice in his head (which everyone has) that told him he was an awful person for it. Alex said he didn't mind, but John knew he did. There's been times he thought about giving in and letting his boyfriend have his way with him, or at least suck him off, but he really couldn't force himself to do this again and even if, how would he bring this up in the first place? "Hey Alex, you know I'm asexual, but can I suck your dick?" That'd be idiotic... but funny.

As time went on, the both of them became more and more frustrated for the same but still very different reason.

One day, John went out with Laf and told him all about everything. His friend assured him that Alexander loved him even if they didn't have sex. While John did thank him for this, he still knew that Alex wanted to have intercourse and it frustrated him every day more and more. He didn't want to say Lafayette was wrong, but he knew he wasn't right either. He really wasn't wrong.

But, oh boy, he wasn't right.

When John came home later that day he heard moans coming from the bedroom. He didn't think much of it, thinking it was just Alex jerking off to porn again. Nothing unusual. But when John opened the door, he could practically hear his heart breaking in half.

On the bed was Alexander, having sex with some woman. John could barely make out what she looked like due to the tears in his eyes causing his vision to blur. They were so far gone they didn't even notice John standing there. It wasn't until he called out his lover's name that the the two realized he was there.

Alex immediately got up (after pulling out of course) and tried explaining himself, but John didn't listen. He couldn't if he tried. That  voice in his head was yelling at him that he was right and Alexander never loved him and that it was his own fault, that he was a piece of shit and he'd be better off dead.

He snapped back to reality when Alexander reached out to put his hand on his shoulder. John slapped the other's hand away. He wiped some tears from his eyes and ran out. Out of the room and out of the apartment.

Alexander felt his heart crack. He knew he had no right to be heart broken and he knew he was a piece of shit for this, but he didn't know how or if he could make up for this. He regretted this. More than anything. Not because he felt bad for himself, but because he hurt someone he loved more than his own life. He fucked everything up just because he didn't want to keep it in his pants. He hated himself for this and was sure John hated him even more.

To be continued...

(830 Words)

Gahhhhhh IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN A MONTH!!! But some stuff out of the way: I'm NOT trying to demonize sex in this chapter. I'm trying to demonize cheating on your significant other. I think I also never used "To be continued" at the end of a chapter before. I'll try make part two today. If I don't, PLEASE remind me. Anyways, hope you liked it. Have a nice rest of the day/night.  ~Vio