Remember Me, Mi Amore

34

I received a message that made my heart skipped a beat. I gathered all my things then drove towards that place. Everything was a blur as I rushed my feet to my destination. The sounds passed in my ear like the wind as my feet ran and ran towards my destination.

I twisted the doorknob on the door to reveal the thing that made my heart skipped a beat, made my feet run in the wind, and made me paint a smile on my lips. I ran again. But this time, towards my mother.

"Ma!" I shouted happily as I ran towards her and enveloped her in a hug.

I could feel her arms enveloping me too as she laughs. A laugh that had a sense of relief and happiness at the same time. That hug lasted for what felt like a lifetime of happiness but the truth is it's just a minute.

"Anne," she whispered through my ears.

My arms moved out of our hug but my eyes turned to her. The image of what I was used to, disappeared in my eyes. The white ivory skin that she held because of too much medication and her sickness, was slowly disappearing on her body. Her lips that are dry and chapped along with the quivering, disappeared. The pink colour was slowly settling. Her weak body was slowly becoming stronger.

"Anne," my mother said to me again with her shaking voice.

"Yes po, Ma?" I asked her, with the same shaking voice she had when she called me.

Small streams of water came pouring in her eyes to her cheeks. I bit my cheeks as my eyes wandered on my mother who was crying and sobbing. I stood there, frozen on my spot because of the incapability of doing anything as seeing my mother cried. Somewhere—everywhere, I felt my heart being sliced again, I felt my whole body slicing. Over and over.

I went to her then kissed the top of her head, trying to calm her down. But, for an unknown reason, a sob instead came of her mouth.

"Anne, thank you." She said to me which made my two eyebrows became one. "Because if you were not here, I would've been... I would've not gotten better..." she whispered the last word underneath her breath.

Despite the small voice she used, those words still passed on my ears. Now, it was my time to let a tear of regrets. Because of what she said, I self-reflected. I thought of all the times that I've let her down just because of my stupid childishness.

"Ma, you don't have to thank me," I said to her. Because I was at the top, she can't see the water streams pouring down my eyes to my cheeks. So I try so hard not to make that obvious to her. "I should've been by your side all this time. I should've made up my mind so you..." There was something on my throat that can't say the next word.

What followed was silence. I can't say the next words that had been circling on my head. Until my mother suddenly held my hand that settled at the top of her head. She kissed it like I used to do when she was lying unconscious there too.

"I'm sorry Mom..." what followed was a silence of pause. I had said this word for what felt like a million times to her. Whether she was awake or not. But no matter what happens, no matter how many times I had said this to her, I will still say it.

"I should have been there by your side. I should have listened to you, answered your calls... I should have... Dapat nag-isip ako ng mabuti and not let my emotions take over me. I'm so sorry mother. I should have been more mature at that time. I'm sorry for pushing you away from me," I said to her, sometimes stopping and trying to find words, trying to find the right words. Sometimes, too, a sob was coming out of my mouth.

"Anak naman," she said to me as she looked up and our eyes met. She had a smile while the tears streamed down her face. "You are making me cry."

Her words scared me because of the word cry. felt my heart beating nothing but pure pain as it goes and goes. I put my hand against her cheek and used it to wipe the stain of water.