Remember Me, Mi Amore

35

I looked at where he lies breathlessly. His eyes are closed while his mouth is forever shut.

My lips quivered as a tear escaped my eyes and my hands wandered and the glass that sits at the top of him and the thing that was between us. My heart got punched because of the sudden realization of where I am.

I was standing before his funeral. I can't believe that the moment I got in here, this was the first thing that will greet me. I didn't have even had enough time to deal with anything. I drove towards them only to end at the destination in here. In front of him.

Kakauwi ko lang. Then he will greet me like this. He can't even say a word to me. Actually, his last words were take care of Luna. Why must he always do this? Always putting himself last before himself. Why does he... Why did he go away?

"Kaibigan na kita ngayon, Anne. Habang sinasabi mo ang nangyari sa inyo ni Luna, alam ko na... Na tinuturing mo talaga siya na kaibigan. As your friend, I want you to be back with your best friend. Actually, advice ko lang 'yan. Kasi kung gusto mo talaga si Luna, at magkaroon kayo ng mahabang pagkakaibigan, you would be back with her. Try to reconcile things. Try to mend broken things. Subukan niyang pag-usapan ang mga bagay-bagay."

His first advice to me came crashing into my head. I bit my cheeks as the sob escaped my mouth. Losing a loved one is something that should be put in the wonders of the world because it has that pain that reduces you to your last being and wondered if you are in the same reality you are living in.

I saw how one of my tears splashed on his coffin. I wiped it with my long sleeves because I can't bear to mess his bed that he will forever rest with. That made my heart clenched again because the sudden pang of realization hit me that he will be in that same place until the end. Until... I will be in the same place like him too.

"Alex," my voice shake because of me calling his name. It was just one word yet it hurts me to say it because that may be the last time we will hear the name or speak of it. "Hey, buddy. I... I just want to say, that your passing hurts. Especially here–" I pointed to my chest where my heart lies–"but that doesn't mean I hate you okay? I will never hate you. You are too pure for this world to be hated. That must be the reason why you became what you dreamt of, huh? Must be. You can finally stop all your troubles there. Love you, my friend. Rest easy there."

I turned my back at him not carrying enough the scene that presented in front of me with his breathing gone. I wiped some of my tears that caused my eyesight to blur. When my eyes had been clear, I made some eye contact with a person with who I never wanted to have eye contact.

The moment stopped when his dark brown eyes found their way onto mine. But was cut short when he looked away and cut it like my heart. Just like that. I was cut in pieces on the floor while I still looked at where he was once stood the moment had stopped between us.

Even though there had been some time when I was here and he was there too, that eye contact was the first one that we had since I landed my feet on this soil. And why must be our first eye contact hurts me so bad in my chest that it grills me into my last being making my heart pound and making me melt at the same time.

To be honest, my heart still beats for him. And forever will. With or without knowing if his heart does too like mine.

Him, looking at me for just one moment but I felt a lot of emotions in there. A lot that could make my heart be crushed again like that moment when he got away from me at that airport.

The indifference it held like I did something bad to him—I did. The pain that was trying to hide but showed was in there. I wondered if it came out because mine did too. The longing that was so obvious as he lingered to my face in a millisecond. Maybe the last one was just my brain trying to see if he still love me. I'm creating one delusion in my head just because I was desperate. I'm creating these fake realities in my head in which I thought or know that his heart beats for me. How low can I get?