Gone with the Wind (Upper East Side Two)

Chapter Thirty-Three

33 - Pause

I woke up feeling empty. Siguro dahil iyon naman talaga ang nangyayari sa akin ngayon. My pain came rushing down again. Why can't I just forget it?

Naramdaman ko nalang ang sunod-sunod na tulo ng luha mula sa akong mga mata. As soon as I heard the door opened, I looked up never minding my tears cascading on my face.

"Thalia..." Tawag ng isang pamilyar na boses. It was Tita Yna. I just looked down.

I never had a complete family. Maybe, I did, but I just felt it for a bit of time. That was when I was young, and I had my Mom and my... dad.

"You need to leave, Titania." I heard that outside of their room.

"Regis... huwag namang ganito." It was my Mom.

"I'm tired, Titania." Halos hindi ko na marinig ang boses ni daddy doon.

I didn't understand what they're talking about back then. Hindi ko lubos maisip na seryoso pala ang pinag-uusapan nila dahil sa murang edad ko ay hindi pa ako mulat sa ganoong katotohanan at pilit pa ring umiintindi sa mga nangyayari.

That was why when they decided to end it... when he decided to abandon us and push us away, instead, I know that it will hit a big impact on me. I just wanted for the time to pass faster for me to shorten the time I feel pain.

I matured at an early age. I was a child who always wanted to be alone. Kaya wala rin akong naging maraming kaibigan.

Luckily, I felt glad when I met Zoey. She's my bestfriend. Natuto akong maging bukas sa mga tao. I learned to open up again and I was right.

But when I met Zavi, I felt home. Kay Zoey, natuto akong magtiwala ulit. Pero kay Zavi, natuto akong sumugal at magmahal. Learned how to love without expecting something in return. But, maybe, in my most private dreams, I did.

The moment I laid my eyes on him, I just wanted to be with him. I just wanted for the time to slow down to savor every moment I have with him.

Siya lang ang minahal ko nang ganito. I love him all out. Sinugal ko lahat. Pati ang puso ko.

I just wanted to be with him and feel his love because I thought he truly felt the same way as mine. Maybe not the same intensity of feelings that I have for him.

But I was wrong all along.

Maybe I made up this whole thing in my head... in my heart. That actually happens, right?

You see one thing... then, you'll think it means something that makes your hopes up, and pretty soon, you're acting like it's real. Even if it doesn't, really.

"Anak..." Nag-aalalang sabi niya sabay tayo at lumapit sa akin dahil nagsimula na akong humagulgol.

I saw Tita Yna, and concern was visible in her eyes as she looked at me. My gaze turned with the next person who went inside my room, and I met Zavi's bloodshot eyes.

Looking at him, made me think of something important.

That when we're alone... with our backs against the wall, everything comes rushing down. All the hopes... all the dreams... All the make-believes... Until you realize that something that's telling you already probably knew... is the one that is always almost right.

Na kung may pagkakataon na naisip kong, hindi naman totoo lahat ng ito, maaaring tama ako at nagpumilit lang para sa panandaliang kasiyahang naranasan ko.

I saw how his eyes widened as he saw tears coming out from my eyes. He immediately went to me and reached for my face.

Anger gushed through my system with what he did. I slapped his hands away from my face.