LOVE IMPERFECTION

44*

Kendrick's POV.

I squeezed my knee again and a groan escaped my throat even though I tried fighting it. I glanced at the watch beside my bed and it shows 9:30pm.

The room is completely dark with only a light Ray from the street light casting shadows onto my wall. I sigh, the silence is starting to get to me and I began to tap my foot.

I got up slowly after a while and stretch, the bedside has sank due to hours of sitting, I frown and looked away.

When you have so many things to think about, so many things to figure out and a whole lot of shit ahead of you, it comes to this.

It's not like I don't want to forgive my aunt, because I do. After all what's the use of not forgiving her, she will only be coming back to my house again and again and I can't stand her, not anymore but at the same time how can I forget everything, it's impossible to forget all what that woman did to me like I meant nothing to her.

I wonder what makes her even want my forgiveness all of a sudden?. I find it kind of strange though.

It doesn't matter because the point is I don't know what to do, I don't want to forgive her but if I don't I will always have her in the bad side of my heart. And that's exactly where she will always be.

I need to talk to someone, I wonder if lily is awake?

I walked out of my room closing the door as silent as I can be standing in front of Lily's room. I hesitated knocking for a while as I remembered her hugging me, it's been quite a few days since I found her but she has never initiated a hug before.

And not just that I wonder why she blamed herself for whatever happened to me, it was definitely not her fault. She had nothing to do with it, honestly am glad she hugged me, couldn't tell if I was pacifying her or her pacifying me.

So much was going on in my mind at the time but it completely left me when she ran into my arms, her little sobbing and perfume and how she felt warm and right in my arms like my arms and hugs were just fit for her.

Before you know it, I felt a smile on my face when I realized I was smiling it widen and eventually turn into a silent chuckle.

It took me a single knock for her door to open. She was already in her pajamas, her hair is packed into a ponytail. I looked into her eyes through her round glasses and she smiled, I did too.

"You ok?"
She asked and immediately stepped away.

I walked in without answering her, she closed the door and turn to me.

"Can't sleep?"
She asked again with a hint of worry.

" I dont usually sleep at nine". I told her and smile.

"Oh, sit then".  she sat and pulled me gently and I sat on the bed with her.

"I thought you were sleeping". I say, I wasn't expecting her awake

"I couldn't sleep" she replied.

"Sick?"

"No".
she smile and shook her head.

"I was thinking about you, you know,". she whispered concerned and avoided my eyes.

It felts warm and good knowing that she cares about me like this.

"You think you can forgive her?" Her question caught me off guard even though it was what I came to talk about. The smile I had a second ago wiped itself away.

"I don't know". My voice was a little hard but it wasn't intentional.

We fell silent for a while, I think she was just thinking of the right words. I like how she understands when to give me space and when to tease and joke around with me.

"Try to forgive her"
Her voice was soft like a whisper but I heard because she looked into my eyes and said it.

She placed her hand on my knee and before I could look down at it she added, "please, I know it's not easy Bc, but only then can you move on from that horrible past. There are alot more beautiful memories and more beautiful things to think about than a painful past".

I stare at her listening and sinking what she's telling me like a soothing music that you understand the lyrics only when you are in pain.

I realized a heavy breath and nod a few times. "You are right".

"Just try ok, but think about it. No one will force you, it's completely your choice". How come we are talking in a whisper. Maybe it's because I don't know  # shrug#.

Whispering is gentle and calm especially to someone who understands what you are trying to say.

I swallowed and placed a hand on her hand and she placed the other hand on mine making a layer of small and big hands.

I smile, a warm smile "Thank you". I looked at her and she was already staring at me. "For everything".  I added.

I just felt the need to thank her, sometimes the littlest of things makes worldly impact.

"For what?" She furrowed her brows.

I shrugged.

I slept peacefully after talking to lily like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Maybe it was all I really needed.

*

"Good morning ma, dad" I greeted and kissed ma on the cheek.

"Good morning". they answered in unison and ma added, "You look-can I say happy?"

"I don't know about happy but am ok". I said, taking my sit at the table.

"Where's-um-". Saying the word aunt felt like my tongue will be bitter so I refused saying.

"Grey ,Where's grey?" I asked no one in particular.

"Grey?" Ma asked.

"Yeah and his mom". I said and looked away from her confused gaze.

"Who cares". I heard her say in an annoyed tone.

"Brother." grey called making everyone turn. His mom was standing beside him with her usual guilty face.

I stood up, lily came down the stairs and we exchanged looks.

My chest felt heavy for what I was about to say, my lips felt glued to each other, I found myself gazing at the both of them. My aunt In particularly.

I took a heavy breath and swallowed hard.

"I-". I began and bit on my lip as I felt like breaking down for some reason.

"I forgive you". I got it over with and turned away in a hurry leaving the house.

*
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