From Distant Lands - A BNHA Fanfiction

Chapter Twenty-One

**DISCLAIMER - This chapter involves themes that include violence and blood. 

The next morning I wake up early to go for a run, putting in my earbuds and losing myself in the monotony of running in circles. It's easier to deal with my emotions when I'm training or running, or, I guess in this case, it's easier to try and ignore them. I didn't spend long at the dance after my conversation with Bakugo, pinning it on an upset stomach, and once I got home, I buried myself under mountains of blankets until I finally fell asleep. Now, my focus is on my muscles propelling me forward, heart pumping and breath quickening. I can feel the energy inside me like its own living and breathing entity, steady and strong, but it's strange to me that I can be stronger than ever before and simultaneously more out of control. It seems like lately, the more insane my personal life has gotten, the more expertise I gain over my quirk. I run for a while, so long that I start to feel like my legs may actually give out under me, and when I finally stop, I have to double over to catch my breath. Sweat drips down my forehead and I wipe it with the back of my hand as I stand, lungs aching with the marathon I just put them through. It feels... better.

"You're up early" I hear Shoto say faintly, just over the music in my ears. I pull out one of the buds, turning to stare at him in surprise.

"Hey" I greet, remembering the last time he caught me training. Things were so different between us then... it seems like a lifetime ago even if it was only a matter of months.

"How are you?" he wonders, still stretching as he gets ready to start his own run. Looking at him like this... it makes my heart flutter and guilt makes it sink. How can I feel this way about two people? I clear my throat.

"I'm good. Fine... um, what about you?" I ask, scratching my arm absently. Shoto smiles a little, but it's a bitter sweet look. In an instant, I wish I could kiss him. Wish I could just walk over there right now, wrap my arms around him and tell him without a single doubt... it's you, Shoto. It will always be you. But I don't know that it is. All of a sudden, I realize that I can't say something like that, even to myself, because every time I see him and imagine myself with him again, Bakugo's eyes flash through my mind and the memory of his kiss burns against my lips. It makes me think Shiori was right when she called me a monster... what kind of person does this to someone?

"Are you really alright?" Shoto asks, hand under my chin. I blink in shock at the unexpected touch, not realizing I'd fallen so quiet. I swallow, looking into those unbelievably caring and concerned eyes. It's the gaze that drew me in, in the first place.

"Yeah" I murmur, turning my face away in shame. I don't deserve to be handled with respect or concern. Not by him or Bakugo.

"Did you enjoy the dance?" I wonder before he can ask any more questions. He lets out a tense laugh.

"Ah... it was okay" he replies. I raise an eyebrow.

"Not your scene?" I ask. The look he gives me makes me feel instantly nervous.

"It felt... incomplete" he admits and my heart thumps. I catch my breath, looking away again.

"I'm sorry" I murmur and he laughs that laugh again. It's a painful sound and I'm sad hearing it.

"Don't be... I'm glad you enjoyed yourself" he says and I flush, my entire body red with embarrassment. Is he... talking about Bakugo? I look up at him and he shrugs, a pained look in his eyes.

"I told you to figure it out, right?" he adds and it feels like a blow. I want to collapse in on myself or throw myself through a window, anything to get rid of the guilt and confusion lying heavy on my chest.