From Distant Lands - A BNHA Fanfiction

Chapter Forty-One

I walk across a cool marble floor, my footsteps echoing in the silence.

"Just imagine it, Kaida... her energy, instead of yours..." Juro's voice murmurs in my head. Hiroto kneels in front of me, eyes wide and fearful.

"Please... please, Kaida..." she begs, body shaking as I raise my hand to her. I shake my head, the image making me feel sick, and the scene changes.

"Wait! W-wait please!" I cry out, cheek pressed firmly against the wall. I see the needle coming towards me and Juro's eyes, glinting in the darkness.

"It will only hurt for a moment..." he tells me. Fear makes my entire body quiver and I can feel the panic building. No... no I was home. I was safe. Please, not again... my mind races, heart thundering. Is it possible? Possible that it was all an illusion? Katsuki... Shiori... I start gasping, dragging in frantic lungfuls of air. It can't be... I was just there... I struggle against Aneurysm's hold and instantly cry out, my side screaming with pain. I try to breathe through it, confusion and fear making it hard to focus, but it happens again, the pain searing through me like a knife in my side.

"Kaida! Hey!" I wake up dry heaving and retching, my side twinging with the pain of moving around and my head spinning. My heart races as I try to catch my bearings and Katsuki holds me up, trying to support my ribs as best he can. I wince, hunching over and holding my arm close to my injured side.

"Damn it..." I hiss, trying to let my frustration overtake my fear. It doesn't work though. My hands shake and I feel unsteady as the dream burns itself into my mind. I was... I... I suck in a shuddering breath, suddenly overcome by tears, and when I start to cry, Katsuki's eyes widen.

"What is it? Kaida, what's wrong?" he asks, bewildered as he tries to move my hands from in front of my face and check me for more injuries. I shake my head, chest shaking with sobs and ribs protesting against the offending motion.

"I... I can't..." I mumble, voice breaking as the crying just gets worse.

"Can't what? What is it?" he asks me, grabbing my face and trying to swipe the tears away, but they just keep coming. What I did to Hiroto... what he did to me... I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could forget.

"Kaida, please..." Katsuki whispers, his voice betraying how alarmed he is. I open my eyes, panic making it so hard to look at him head on, but I do it anyway.

"They made me hurt someone... Katsuki" I cry, grabbing the hand that holds my face. His eyes widen a bit and he shakes his head, not quite understanding.

"What do you...?"

"He injected me with this... this thing and I... I..." I cry harder, hardly able to breathe.

"Hey, stop... it's okay... you don't have to tell me now. Stop... come here" Katsuki tells me, ignoring his desire to know and pulling me against him instead, careful to adjust the way he's sitting so that the action doesn't hurt me any more than I'm hurt already. I bury my face against him, crying harder than I have in a long time as all of the emotions over the last few weeks overwhelm me. Fear, pain, anger... all of it converges at once and I feel like I'm drowning in it. I clutch Katsuki's arm, holding him as tightly as I can. How can I say something like that? How can I tell him what I've done? What was done to me? How do I look him in the eyes and tell him that for a split second, I was looking through my own eyes at someone I was hurting... and I enjoyed it? It doesn't matter if it wasn't really me... doesn't matter that it was under someone else's influence. It was my hand that caused the damage and my quirk that made it possible.