𝕄𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕕 [little!RM/K.NJ] (DISCONTINUED)

3. Never Again

The whole trip goes by. Thankfully, Seokjin never brings it up to Namjoon, not asking any questions or inquiring. He seems like he's ignoring the situation.

That's actually a relief for Namjoon, considering that he was dreading telling Seokjin anything about his littlespace. It looked like Seokjin didn't even want to know.

Other than the occasional unsettling glance that Namjoon got, the subject seemed dropped. When they left the forest and returned home, Namjoon couldn't shake the feeling that something bad would happen concerning it. He tried to push the thought away, but couldn't.

He was happy to be back at home, but now he had a strange feeling. He never wanted to be caught like this again. As he unpacked his suitcase and backpack, he reached into the small sack and pulled out a pale yellow pacifier. He narrowed his eyes at it and his cheeks became hot.

It's all because of this!

I'm so dumb! I'm just a big, clumsy baby! That's why Seokjin knows now, you idiot!

He threw the small object across his large room and yelled. Nobody was around in the huge, lonely house, so he had nobody to question him or startle with his actions. He never really got angry like this, but this was too much. He'd had bottled up anxiety and anger about the interaction the whole trip. He'd tried to cope with it by painting, but that turned out to be nothing but a cutesy little landscape painting to show off to the cameras.

He didn't even get back up to pick it up. He wallowed in his tantrum and collapsed on his soft bed. He had become so upset over this. This small incident. 

It's going to ruin me.

Namjoon refused to trust Seokjin, no matter how many reasons he had to do the opposite. Seokjin has never told anyone's secrets as long as Namjoon's known him, but he couldn't help but feel suspicious of him. His feelings and thoughts alike swarmed his mind, becoming a jumble as he tried sorting them with no avail.

This wasn't just some secret that could be let go. This could shatter every perception of him that others have had, the entire professional, talented, adult persona that Namjoon had aquired... gone.

That is, if Seokjin ever told anyone.

Truth be told, Namjoon wanted to destroy the damn thing. If he didn't have it, his problem would be solved, or so he thought. 

He would destroy it. He is destroying it. This is over.

Namjoon slid off of his bed exasperatedly and walked to the corner where the pacifier fell. In a moment of pure frustration, he crushed the small thing under his foot, the soles of his sneakers breaking the plastic. When he heard the broken plastic crunch underneath his feet, he flinched. When he lifted his foot, little pieces of demolished pacifier dropped from his feet, and all that was left was the pacifier's scuffed nipple and a fragile, barely held together, chipped and cracked.

Namjoon smiled a little bit, satisfied. He left the pacifier sitting in the corner as a reminder to what he'd be forgetting. What he'd be giving up.

This shit is over. 

I'm not regressing ever again. 

That's a promise.

A/N: Yeah, sorry for the short chapter! Just trying to write his frustration and whatnot to set up the story. Thanks for reading and I'll work on the next chapter. Love you!

- Max