A Devils Number

Chapter 14 •Six•

"Lay down."

I made a weird face at him as he patted a spot next to him. "Why?" I asked.

"You're all tensed up, just lay down." Silas grabbed my arm as if he was trying to get me to crawl over his body. I sighed out shakily and moved onto the bed, crawling over his body slowly. I glanced at him once I sat down and shifted to lay on my side, facing my back away from him. His eyes were glowing and I was scared that if I looked into them for too I would get my soul trapped in them.

"At least face me. How am I supposed to speak to you?" He sounded...amused. I frowned and slowly rolled over, looking up at him slowly. Silas propped his head up with his hand and stared into my eyes. They were still red, but they weren't glowing anymore which made me feel a little more comfortable.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" I asked quietly. Silas sighed through his nose and seemed to examine my face.

"Why did you do that? Lock your self in the bathroom and cry, I mean. Did I...piss you off?" He asked with a calculated tone. I didn't know what to say.

"...I'm not sure." What was I supposed to say?

"There's no way you aren't sure about what made you cry. Just fucking tell me already, you know how hard you are to fucking read?" Silas growled and sat up a little. I looked up at him in shock and frowned at how frustrated he sounded.

"You don't let me read you," I said, looking away slowly. "I can never tell if your mad at me or not. Your hard to please too because you don't seem to want me like my-...." I stopped and pressed my lips together. "They seem to want me more than you do. You don't even forgive me after I do something wrong and when I offer to fix it, you freak out and get even more mad at me."

"You offered your body to me. That's not how you even ask for forgiveness." Silas narrowed his eyes at me and leaned close.

"But that's how I've always....how I've always been forgiven," I whispered lowly. "Is it bad or something?" Silas blinked and stared down at me with a surprised look written on his face.

"Do you even like to do that?"

I stayed quiet and looked away. "No."

"...I haven't been mad at you. I've just been fucking pissed at everyone except for you. Everyone around you." What does that mean?

"Like Ella too? And Nick? Isn't he a friend? Why are you mad at him?"

"No. Not them. People who've Uh...looked at you funny or tried to hurt you. It pisses me off. I know why but I'm not exactly sure how the fuck I'm supposed to tell you anything right now." Silas suddenly reached out and placed a hand on top of my head before he grabbed a fist full of my hair with a gentle tug. He wiggled my head a bit and smirked down at me slyly. "Ya know, snowball, you're pretty cute when you cry. Kind of makes me want to see you cry a lot."

"I don't like to cry, why do you want to see me cry?" I reached up and placed a hand on his as he tugged at my hair a little more. It didn't hurt it just felt weird. Oddly enough, it did relax me a little so I dropped my hand and let him get away with it. I didn't like that he called me snowball though. It reminded me of a pet name for an animal.

"Don't worry, not like sad crying or anything," He chuckled out. I frowned. But crying was a negative feeling.

"You're fucking weird," I said, licking my lips slowly and hesitantly. He looked away from my eyes, downward instead.

"You've kissed people, right?" Silas asked as if he was testing me.

"...Yeah...I don't like it..."

"Why's that?"

I wriggled my nose to itch it and chewed on the inside of my cheek in thought. "It's always wet and awkward. In movies it looks nice but it's not actually nice. I never want to kiss people when they want to kiss me either. So when they do it, I try to close my mouth tight. They wipe their spit all over my mouth and it stinks." Silas sighed through his nose and I notice that his grip tightened on my hair. He looked mad again. "What's wrong?"

"You shouldn't have to kiss someone you don't want to. Maybe that's why you don't like it. Have you ever wanted to kiss someone before?"

You.

What? No, not Silas.

"I don't think I have..." I averted my eyes to the curtains and continued to tear the flesh from my cheek.

"You've never fallen in love with someone?"

"No, I haven't. I don't think I could ever be in love with someone."

"And why's that?" Silas leaned even more closer to me than he already was.

"Well...who would love me? No one has ever told me that they loved me. I can't love someone that doesn't exist." I whispered to him like I was sharing an intimate secret. Silas' lips pulled into an odd smile. Gentle and strangely warm. I stared at his lips with a weird tingly feeling crawling up my spine.

"What if they do exist?" I blinked out of my trance and looked up at him.

"Huh?"

"Do you want me to kiss you?"

I really don't know how it happened but the minute he asked that, I leaned up and pecked his lips with mine. It was slow and a soft kiss, nothing hungry about it. Silas didn't kiss me back at first but after I began to pull away, he jerked me back forward and deepened the kiss. Even though he pushed his tongue into my mouth, it didn't feel like he wanted to use me. Maybe that's why I let him kiss me for so long. My hands slowly crept up his chest, grasping the clothing that covered his pectorals. My eyebrows furrowed and a strange noise fell from my lips around the same time I began to cry. I didn't even know why I was crying but I felt strangely desperate while he kissed me.

"Silas..." I mumbled breathlessly. He hummed as if he new exactly what I wanted and wrapped his arm around me. It was like I was being hugged in a warm blanket. After a while we stopped kissing but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to see his face I just wanted to pretended he was someone that loved me. That's why he did it in the first place right? This was a pity kiss that was supposed to give me some sense of feeling. Silas kissed me face gently and repeatedly and....and very slowly. He kissed my eyelids, my cheeks, my forehead, my chin, my nose, and my neck like he was praising me. No one had ever done this to me so at first I wanted to shove him away. But I found it strangely comforting and it was beginning to lull me to sleep.

I was half asleep when I felt him whisper in my ear.

"Goodnight, baby."

Why am I having a dream like that?