More than friends-Miles Fairchild x reader

Chapter 43

Kinda sad because your finally reading the journal. And mention of cutting.

I wake up practically engulfed by Miles. I nudge him until he wakes up.

"Hmm," He groans.

"School," I say, getting up and going to his bathroom. Once I get out he is still laying in his bed.

"Come on Miles, don't want to be late," I add, going to change. I go downstairs where Miles is already ready and eating breakfast. Once he sees me, he smiles.

"Don't need as much time as you thought?" He asks rhetorically.

I roll my eyes playfully. 

When we get to school we don't have any trouble with Andre. People are still gossiping about the party but I distract Miles. 

~ 

We have another band practice after school today. 

"Yo, guys there is battle of the bands coming up in a few months," Jake says. 

"Yep there was already sign ups and I signed you guys up," Talia smiles. 

"We need to pick which song to do," Miles says.

"Yes and actually we can have two songs, one cover and one original," Talia adds.

"They we better get writing," I say, standing up. 

After they leave I go to my room and pull out Miles journal. I open to the first page.

They're dead, they're dead. I keep repeating it in my mind till it is meaningless because it can't be real. I have to wake up from this nightmare. ~

That's all that was written on the first page, I flip it. 

Fuck, I can't escape the pain. God why me, why Flora? She needs them , I need them.~

I read on.

I got this picture in my room and it kills me but I don't need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing. (Nf) (If it is a quote or something I found Ill add who said it for credit)

Sometimes, I'll still be awake at 1 am and think about everything that they will miss. My graduation. Floras 8th birthday, my 17th birthday. Her graduation, our weddings, our children. It becomes unbearable.

I tell little Flora it will be okay, that they are the stars watching over us at night. But some nights you can't see the stars, and I wonder if they are still here with us because sometimes I can feel them. ~ 

Quint has came into my room to check on me. He says he knows how to make the pain go away. That was the first time I drank. Then we did it again the next week. For a while I went with him every week. I felt myself becoming more aggressive. Mrs. Jesel seems worried about me. Right now, I don't care.~

I stop when I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in" I yell. I quickly hide the journal behind my pillow as my door opens.

"Hey," My mom says coming in, closing the door. "How you been, I know I have been busy lately," She adds, sitting on the edge of my bed. 

"Yeah, it's alright," I smile.

She nods. "Um so you and Miles are" She pauses. 

"Uh yeah," I say looking down.

She chuckles. "I don't mind, he is quite nice I think, not much Kate though," 

I laugh a little with her.

"Well, I'll let you be then," She says getting up and walking out. 

"Have a good night mom," 

She smiles. Closing the door behind her. 

I take the journal back out and read more

I found another way to cope with the pain. I know it's not healthy. But I tried it. Pressed the blade against my wrists. I only did it a few times before Quint got mad and hit me. 

I stop. I close it and go to Miles room. I knock fiercely until he opens it. I grab his arms and pull his sleeves up. Sure enough there were small scars on his wrists. I trace them with my finger gently.

"He hit you?" I asked. He didn't reply.

"Fuck, Miles," I say wrapping my arms around him in a tight embrace. I begin to cry without noticing. He pulls away looking down at me concerned. 

"I'm sorry Miles, you were so alone," I sob. 

He pulls me into another embrace. 

"It's okay, that's as far as you read?" He asks. I nod wiping my tears.

"Read farther, it gets better I promise,"

(I honestly feel like this is sheet, but whatever.)