Crazy.

38.

I groan as Wesley rolls closer to me, his arm resting heavily over my stomach, 'Wes' i whisper harshly although he doesn't wake. I sigh before managing to slide out from his grip, looking at the clock to see it was 3am.

I sigh before walking out and down to the kitchen, flicking the light on before grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the tap. I lean my back against the counter as i slowly sip it, staring ahead at completely nothing until i hear soft footsteps toddling into the kitchen.

'Mummy?' A little boy speaks, His eyes wide as he looks up at me and i swallow, my heart rate picking up as the glass slips from my grip, shattering on the floor and the little boy jumps back in shock, covering his mouth with his little hands.

'Mummy?!' he exclaims, his voice muffled by his hands. 'Mumma are you ok?' he asks, removing his hands as he goes to rush forward but i put my hands out, shaking both my hands and head at him. 'Stop, the glass!' i shout and he stops at once.

'Mumma whats wrong?' he whimpers, his little eyes filling with tears. I cover my mouth with my hands to stop the sob as tears slide down my cheeks, staring at the small boy almost identical to Wesley. How?!

'H-' i begin but i'm cut off when Wesley steps into the kitchen. 'Baby, are you alright? i woke up and you were gone' he speaks, picking up the small child as he looks at the smashes glass. 'Hey buddy, why don't you go back to sleep ok? Mummy is ok' Wesley smiles and the small boy nods, wrapping his arms around Wes neck briefly. 'Ok' he giggles.

'Say goodnight to mummy' he says, handing the boy to me without stepping on the glass. He immediately wraps his arms around my neck, his head nuzzling into it. 'Goodnight mummy' he whispers and i gasp, tears pouring down my cheeks as i gently grab the back of his head, holding him to me gently.

'Ella?!' I jolt up from the bed, tears already streaming down my cheeks as i breath in and out heavily. 'Hey, hey baby, its ok!' Wesley states, pulling me into his chest tightly. I sob out, nuzzling into his neck as i shake my head. 'No, no its not' i cry, feeling him beginning to rock slowly.

'its ok, it was just a nightmare' he breaths out and i pull back, meeting his eyes thanks to the lamp he must have turned on. 'But it wasn't' i speak, shaking my head as i grip his shoulders, kneeling up on the bed with my back bent slightly so we were the same height.

His eyebrows furrow as his eyes scan over my face cautiously. 'W-We.. we had a child, a little boy, he was beautiful, so beautiful, and he looked exactly like you but smaller, much smaller' i say and Wesley frowns. 'Babe-' he begins but i cut him off.

'And, even in my dream i was shocked that he was there, i couldn't believe it even though he was right in front of me calling me mummy' i whimper and he pulls me back into his chest. 'I can't have kids Wesley, i'm never going to feel that! i'm never going to have a little boy in my life who looks so much like his father' i cry, my chest heavily dangerously fast.

'Hey, Its going to be ok' he states, his hands gripping onto me tighter. 'No. No its not. I'm never going to be able to have a child, i'll never be pregnant, i'll never get to experience that, because of one stupid, inconsiderate fucking asshole!' i almost scream, my hands grabbing onto his sides hardly.

.

 My head was throbbing when i woke up, eyes still stinging from crying as i rolled over to find the other side of the bed empty. I huff, rolling onto my back and looking up at the ceiling before hearing voices coming from down stairs.

I slowly crawl from the bed and walk to the door, peeking out in confusion. 'Ella's still asleep upstairs.. we had a um.. kinda bad night..' Wesley trails off. 'Oh? what happened?' the mystery person speaks and i frown at not knowing the voice.