Rage Against The Heart (Valdemar Series #3)

Kabanata 30

30 – Scar

I was wide awake the whole night. Hindi ako dinalaw ng antok kahit na anong gawin ko. I stopped crying when he finally fell silent and left. Mabuti na rin iyon para sa akin dahil sa tuwing naririnig ko ang boses niya ay nasasaktan ako nang sobra. Masyado nang mahapdi ang mga mata ko, I need to rest it. Mabigat ang nararamdaman ko pero pinilit ko ang sarili kong bumangon nang lumiwanag.

I prepared myself even though I wasn't on my senses. I forced myself to go to work. Hindi muna namin gagamitin ang original naming office dahil sa nangyaring pamamaril. Good thing Luigi's dad has an empty office for us.

I tied my hair and wore my coat. Iniayos ko ang puting collar ng shirt ko saka kinuha ang attaché case na ginagamit ko. I inhaled deeply and looked at myself in the mirror. My upturned eyes made me look more intimidating with my attire on. I dabbed my red lipstick on my bow-shaped lips very lightly to somehow give it a color. Namumutla ako dahil sa stress at halata na iyon sa mukha ko.

Sinilip ko ang salas mula sa second floor. Kumirot ang puso ko nang makita ko si Atlas na natutulog sa couch. I looked away when I felt my tears forming. Tahimik akong bumaba saka nagpatuloy na maglakad palabas.

I used his car to drive to our new office. Nanghihina ang kamay ko ngunit kinaya ko naman. Hindi talaga maganda ang pakiramdam ko. Buti na lang at mabilis din akong nakarating dahil malapit lang naman ang bagong opisina.

No one was there when I arrived. Napatigil ako nang makita si Luigi sa table niya na kasama na sa amin. He has no personal office unlike our previous firm. Tahimik akong pumasok saka inilapag ang gamit ko sa lamesa.

He looked at me and cleared his throat. I sat down on my chair and spoke to him. We never really had a normal conversation after my wedding.

"May balita na ba tungkol sa imbestigasyon?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Wala pa, Ally."

"Kahit anong lead, wala rin?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya saka binuklat ang panibagong folder na inaasikaso. Sinilip ko ang mukha niya at sobrang seryoso no'n. I am not used to him like this.

"Unfortunately, walang plaka ang sasakyan. The CCTV footages we collected weren't enough to identify the gunman."

I shut my eyes and covered my face with my palm. Ang sabi ni Terry kagabi ay discharged na sa ospital si Kevin. He is now in his parent's home. Hindi ko pa nga siya nabibisitang muli dahil masyado akong maraming iniisip at nakakahiya na ring puntahan siya. Nabaril siya dahil sa akin.

"I'm sorry, Luigi.."

He glanced at me. "You don't have to. Wala kang kasalanan sa nangyari."

"It happened because of me."

"It happened because someone did it. It's not your fault."

Muli niyang ibinalik ang tingin sa mga papel. He is so cold now. Ang sabi niya noong nakaraan ay naiintindihan niya at hindi siya galit. But what he is showing me is very different from what he said.

"Luigi, are you still mad at me?"

He spoke but didn't look at me. "I never get mad at you."

I got more frustrated. I want us to argue about this. I want him to tell everything to me. Dahil hangga't ganito siya ay patuloy lang akong mahihirapan. Luigi is important to me. He is my closest friend.

"That's the point. You never get mad at me but your treatment to me now is different. I know you didn't like my decision, but please stop being like this."