Problem Solving

Identity 2.0

Lana's POV

This morning I show up to school kinda late, I often see Marina with her friends on Friday mornings but today I didn't.

I was picking up Ashley, Alex and Blake because they needed a ride. I am a little bitter with them though because they stopped me from seeing my girl.

I've decided that she is mine, because I think it'd kill me to see her with someone else. I'm not going to date her, but I know I don't want her to be with anyone but me.....

Makes no sense to me, either. Don't worry.

In math class Ashley and I talk the whole time, irritating our teacher and what not. Sometimes we throw shit at him, like erasers and bits of paper, but we only do that if we get really silly. We didn't today.

I would want to do that in front of Marina I don't think, I'd feel embarrassed to misbehave so much. Maybe she'd enjoy the show, but still it's cringe.

As always, we share these looks the entire lesson. I don't know what they're looks of but they make me nervous and excited at the same time. Today she doesn't make me feel as nervous, because I know that the hickey I made on her the other night is still there under the makeup she covered it with. Gives me one up on her; she's ridiculously pretty, but I marked her as mine.

On the way out of math class, the girl Marina's friends with stares at my ass as always. I think her names Jess. Ashley doesn't like her much, she's caught on to how she looks at me and she thinks it's weird. She says it's no different to if a guy stared, which is totally true. But anyway, I see Marina scold her for staring and it makes my day.

I like that she gets jealous over me like I do her. I'm seeing her in English, and tonight too, so I'll be able to talk to her about it then. Not so much in English in case we give ourselves away to those around.. But I don't think they'd ever assume I was gay, right? I don't look gay. I just look alt. Big difference.... I think...?

Anyway. We get to English at the same time so exchange awkward and transactional lines in the queue to get in. The usual quieted 'hey..' 'how's it going?'. Awkward, but awkward is cute on her, and only ever temporary. When we get into class and away from everyone else is when we really start to talk.

"Gosh I'm so sick of.." she starts to complain, I kind of zone out and focus on how pretty she is, even when disgruntled.

"I'm sorry, you're sick of..?" I tune back in

"Myself" she rolls her eyes and takes out her book.

"Don't say that.." I take out mine too

"Wouldn't it be so much easier if my identity was just.. fixed, and real?" She quiets the last part, I nod a little

"I get that too. But we did it for a reason and we only have one year left of high school" I remind her, making sure not to use that harsh tone I sometimes slip into. I hate myself when I do take that tone with her.

"I suppose you're right.." she opens her book "date?"

"Electra.." I give her a look, she smiles

"March the..?" Oh.. that type of date.

"Tenth, I think."

"Thank you.." she writes down the date. Her hand writing is pretty, I've probably said that before though.. I wish she'd let me read more of what she writes. I think it'd really let me into her mind. "I can't write."

"You're kinda giving mental-burden-carrying vibes today, that's perfect writing condition to me. You wanna talk about it?" I ask. It feels uncommon coming out of my mouth and I can't really believe I just asked that. I hate talking about mental health but I'd so badly like to help her with hers.. but she just shakes her head a little