Generation Infinosil

Chapter Twenty Nine

Chapter Twenty Nine - Kaitlyn

2050

"What have I done? What have I done?" Was the only question buzzing around my mind, as I ran from Shane's house.

I ran in no particular direction, anywhere would have suited me, as long as it was away from him, as long as it was away from the mistake I had just made. As if running away from my problems would solve them, I ran and ran and ran. I ran until I was struggling for breath, until my heart thumped at my ribcage so hard that I thought it would smash through it. I ran until my sore feet couldn't take another arduous step, until my muscles ached with lactic acid and my thighs burned.

Being no longer able to bear the pain that rushed throughout my body, I stopped abruptly. I surveyed my surroundings and it wasn't long before I realised that I was stood by the field again; I was stood by the field where I had previously sat having a picnic with Shane.

The rain had stopped while I was in Shane's house, but the dark, menacing clouds still remained; they threatened to burst open and release another downpour. I looked up at the sky and towards the trees that we had just hours before used as shelter against the weather. I looked at the twisting, complex network of branches and felt my heart drop as it fully dawned on me that I may have just destroyed my friendship with Shane.

I didn't know where to go, if I went to my house I would be risking my parents asking how my day with Shane was. "It was great," I would say, forcing a smile and pretending that the negative bit never happened. They'd find out eventually, when they never heard of me meeting up with him again.

I just couldn't face talking about it right now. Besides, I didn't know if Shane was comfortable with me telling my parents about his accident, I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already had.

So I decided to just go for a walk while I calmed myself down. "Why am I getting in such a state over a guy I just met?" I asked myself. And to be completely honest, I didn't know the answer. I just knew that I had never longed for someone's friendship as much as I longed for my friendship with Shane. Or was it more than friendship that I was after? I didn't even know, I just knew that it felt like everything was right when we were together. I strolled through the long, swaying grass and made my way to the tree, the tree under which we had sheltered ourselves previously that same day.

Various emotions were swirling and whirling around in my mind- anger, confusion, sadness. I didn't know whether to hate myself, hate Shane, hate the situation, or hate no one and nothing. I needed some clarity, I couldn't think straight with so many feelings getting mixed up with each other. I knew one thing; I wished things hadn't turned out the way they did.

It didn't make much sense to be surrounded by a scenery so beautiful but still feel so broken and lost. Undisturbed fields like these were hard to come by, there were few fields remaining in towns and cities and those that remained were rarely as natural as this; many of them were scattered with litter and junk. My Mum once explained to me that when she was a child, there were many more fields around than there are today. I remember feeling envious as a child when she explained the sensation of running through fields that were fresh and green, fields that were smothered with daisies and home to many colourful insects.

I have always wondered what it would be like to have been born when my Mum was born, everything sounded much less crowded and busy. It sounded perfect really. That's just the kind of world that I wish I grew up in, but then again, it's not like I would have remembered it even if I did.

I was so lost in my train of thoughts that I didn't even realise someone was watching me.