Generation Infinosil

Chapter Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty Six - Kaitlyn

2050

I... I umm... I had an accident two years ago.

His words echoed in my mind, like footsteps often echo in an empty, hollow corridor.

Momentarily, I wished that those footsteps could belong to me; I wished that I could run away to a place where none of this chaos existed.

I didn't remember.

Shane didn't remember.

As this realisation dawned on me, I could have sworn that I heard a faint crack, as my heart split into two pieces.

"That... That must have been traumatic for you." I said after such a deafening silence that we would have been able to hear a pin drop.

"Yeah." Shane mumbled, but he wasn't really paying attention, he was staring at the sketchbook on his desk.

"Shane, I've said I'm sorry." I apologised, not knowing what I could do to make it better.

He snapped out of his trance and looked at me, "it's not that I'm mad at you, I'm not, I'm just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" I asked.

"How I'm never going to remember who you are or if I even ever did know who you are. Do you understand what I just told you? It wasn't just any old accident, I lost my memory Kaitlyn."

"So you don't remember anything before the accident?" I asked.

"No, when I woke up all places, faces, voices, everything was blank." He explained glumly.

I felt a sudden bullet of guilt and shame hit me, I hadn't yet told him about me. I was so busy worrying about my own selfish reasons for wanting him to remember, that I hadn't revealed my own secret. He had confided in me, and now it was my turn to confide in him.

I was his only true hope of having his questions answered. Sure, his parents could tell us if they recognised me but I doubt either of us really wanted to bring up the past with them and they'd never know as much as we would have, if we could remember. But we couldn't remember. Our accidents robbed that from us.

And now I had to crush his hopes like he had just crushed mine.

"Kaitlyn," he said, "if we really did know each other, surely you'd remember me. If I meant anything to you, you wouldn't have forgotten me." He looked disappointed, depressed, deflated, as if that thought really hurt.

Did he like me that much? So much that it hurt to think of me not feeling the same?

He said he couldn't stop thinking about me, but was that just because he saw me as a window to his past?

Was it me he was interested in, or was it the idea of discovering some lost memories?

I began to feel small and insecure. If I confirm that I can't tell him about his past, will he stop bothering with me? I started doubting myself, telling myself I was worthless to him without those memories, telling myself he was only being nice to me in order to get answers. I felt broken and used; he meant more to me than answers, I couldn't help but fall for him. His demeanor, his laugh, his voice, everything about him drove me mad- a good mad.

"Kaitlyn, why don't you remember? Your memory can't be as bad as mine." Shane added, interrupting my stream of thoughts.

"Actually, it can."

"Have you not been listening to me?" He stood up, like he didn't want to be near me. He was facing away from me, running his hands through his gorgeous hair in frustration. "I only remember the last two years! You can't seriously think your memory is worse than mine?" He seemed agitated now, angry even. And I despised knowing I was causing it.

I didn't know what to say. He'd think I was mocking him if I told him, he wouldn't believe me. I wanted to creep out the room and run for it. But logic and reason were barring my way, like two large men at the door of a concert, blocking the entrance for those without tickets. I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. He had to find out sooner or later.

"Things like that could happen to anyone." I stated.

"I know that. But that doesn't explain why you think your memory is worse than mine."

"It does."

"How does it? Please enlighten me because I have no idea what you're trying to say." He requested, with a sarcastic tone to his voice.

I sat there in silence, wishing and waiting for something to happen, anything to happen, to make this situation easier.

He slowly walked back towards the bed and sat down, sighing but seemingly calmer now. "I'm sorry Kaitlyn, I don't know why I'm taking it out on you, it's not your fault. But please, tell me what you mean?"

"I had an accident two years ago too."

Confusion and disbelief smothered his face. I knew it. I knew he wouldn't believe me.

"Kaitlyn, that's really not funny."

"I know it's not, I'm not trying to be funny."

The look of disbelief on his face refused to fade.

"I lost everything two years ago Shane. A whole chunk of my life was ripped away from me, and I can't ever get it back."

A tear spilled out of my eye and slid down my cheek. A tear constructed from a mixture of relief, sadness and fear.

The truth was out, but now I had to face the consequences.