Hermione Granger x female reader one shots

Reality of Hogwarts part 6

Harry: Ugh Y/n's always bitching when I sleep in late and she's so loud when she talks to her friends.
You: I'm sitting right here with ears...that work
Hermione: yeah but she's kinda hot tho
Harry: ye-WHAT
Hermione: she's kinda hot tho
You: I mean who am I to disagree

***

You: girls, man who needs em
Harry: um your a girl
Ron: Hermione's a girl too
You: I said girls not women
Harry: I-

***

You: your hair is too red
Ron: your dicks too small
You: WAIT
*runs to the bathroom*
Harry: is she...
Hermione: *sighs* yes
*comes back and sits down*
You: *sighs* false alarm I checked I don't have one...yet
Hermione, Ron, Harry: YET?!

***

You: wanna see something cool
Hermione: Um sure
You: go by the window
Hermione: uh ok
*you apparate outside*
You: HELLO FROM THE OUTSIDE
Hermione: oh Merlin
Dean from the boys' dorm
Dean: ATLEAST I CAN SAY THAT I'VE TRIED

***

You: *your back is facing Hermione*
You: I love you so much
Hermione: *starts to get angry* are you cheating on me? Who are you talking to
You: *turns to face her*
You: what no I'm talking to my food
Hermione: i-
You: some privacy please *shoo's away*

***
*Hermione decides to prank y/n*
Hermione: y/n I'm pregnant
You: ha funny joke
Hermione: y/n I'm serious I'm pregnant
You: *opens your pants and looks down and then back at Hermione*
You: yep no dick and last time I checked my fingers don't produce sperm so unless your the new virgin Hermione then your not pregnant
Hermione: Your no fun it was a prank
You: I mean we can still make babies without the babies part *winks*
Hermione: my dorm now

***

Hermione: your a mistake
You: uhm-what
Hermione: but your the best damn mistake I've ever made
You: I'm gonna pretend you didn't just destroy my ego and instead destroy your insides so let's go
Hermione: fair enough

***

*you and Hermione enter your dorm, you start kissing her roughly and push her on the bed*
You: next stop
Hermione: not again
You: penetration station
Hermione: every bloody time

***

Hermione: *sneezes*
You: *stares at her*
Hermione: aren't you gonna say bless you
You: you've been blessed enough *points to yourself* don't get greedy
Hermione: *mocking tone* date y/n they said, it'll be fun they said.

***

You: guys I'm *insert sexuality*
Harry: *monotone voice* I cannot believe it
Ron: *monotone voice* I did not see this coming
Hermione: *monotone voice* this was truly a surprise

***

*your eating dinner with the golden trio*
Harry: is the food good
You: yeah but not as good as Hermione *winks*
Hermione: Y/N!
Ron: I just want one dinner, JUST ONE DINNER PLEASE

***

*Hermione reading a book*
You: love
*Hermione ignoring you*
You: lovey
You: darling?
You: Mione
You: HERMIONE!
Hermione: WHAT!? Are you ok?!
You: I want a hug
Hermione: *aggravated sigh* really?
You: *smiles* yes
Hermione:you have arms, hug yourself *goes back to reading*

***

Inspiration: tiktok
Draco: your ugly
You: Ron turn it up
Hermione: oh god not again
You: for all of my pretty and all of my pretty too yeah bitch I am not ugly that is youuuu
Harry: did she stutter-no
Draco: m-my father will hear about this
You: hey Hermione what's his comment
Hermione: *sighs* irrelevant

***

Ron: when I first met you I thought you were a bitch
You: thank you I try
Ron: but now your just Hermione's bitch
You: it's a true talen-wait what

***

Hermione: I wanna ruin our friendship
You: we should be lovers in-
Hermione: no, I wanna ruin our friendship
You: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDNT KNOW CROOKSHANKS WAS IN THE BED WHEN I JUMPED ON IT

***
You: do you like me?
Hermione: no
You: *looks down* oh
Hermione: I love you
Harry: get a room
You: get some parents
Harry: tHeY aSk YoU hOw YoUr DoInG aNd YoU jUsT hAvE tO sAy YoUr FiNe BuT-
Ron: ugh shut up Harry

***

You: I-I think I just saw the future Mione
Hermione: really what'd you see
You: me....
Hermione: keep going
You: in your...
Hermione: yes?
You: pants
Hermione: I have to admit that was smooth but no thanks

***

Ron: y/n kiss the hottest person in the room on the lips
You: *doesn't move*
Harry: y/n aren't you going to kiss someone
You: well I can't kiss myself can I?
Ron: *sighs* okay kiss the second hottest person in the room
You: *doesn't move*
Harry: Y/N!
You: WHAT?! Hermione isn't here
Ron: I give up

***

*Y/n found a note that says "meet me in my dorm ;)-H.G" and ran to Hermione's dorm*
You: *opens door*
Hermione: *yanks you in the room and blocks the door*
You: Hermione?
Hermione: there's a potions exam tomorrow do you want to study with me
You: *realizing you can't escape this one* YOU TRICKED ME!

***

*ron and Hermione kissing*
You: *walks up to them*
You: Ron there's something on your face
Ron: what?
You: my future wife *pulls Hermione away from him*

***

You: Ron
Ron: what now y/n
You: is your-
Ron: Y/n I'm not in the mood
You: is your girlfriend single
Ron: get out-go away-leave
You: boutta go steal your girl weaselbee
*you run out the of common room*

***

Harry: I think the man should run the relationship
Ginny: I think the girl should
Ron: since you and Hermione are together and your both girls, what do you think y/n?
You: Hermione and I's relationship is 50/50 she takes my hoodies and I take her walking abilities away
Luna: so that's why she was limping today

***

You: you look like someone I know
Hermione: and who is that may I ask
You: my baby mama *wink*
Hermione: this is why I haven't said yes to going out with you yet
You: HAH YET

—————————————————
A/N: your wish is my command
This has been in my drafts since December 30th, this one isn't that good but I hope yall enjoyed
Byeee
-Autumn