Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~14~

After an especially emotional therapy session, Shawn found himself pacing around his condo. Paul had been really pleased with how forthcoming he'd been about his feelings, and even though he felt raw now, it was obvious that digging deeper was a good thing. Shawn knew that this breakthrough was thanks to Taryn and her willingness to let him explain what had happened without automatic judgement or condemnation. If he had her number, he could send her a text to say thanks. It was strange that he'd bared his soul to her yet she wasn't in his phone.

He walked over to the floor to ceiling windows in his living room and stared out at the Toronto skyline. It was a rainy early spring day, but the city was still beautiful. "A beer would be nice right now," he mumbled to himself.

It wasn't the beer he wanted; it was Taryn. Shawn hadn't been to The Good Luck lounge in weeks and he missed her. A lot.

After she'd awakened those long repressed feelings inside him, he decided he needed space from her. If he continued seeing her several nights a week, it would be impossible to keep his desire hidden, especially since he'd never had a good poker face. She'd wanted him to kiss her, and if they found themselves alone together, he wasn't sure if he could stop himself.

And then what? Where would that kiss lead? He'd spent every recent night imagining a scenario where he took her to bed and unleashed years of pent-up sexual frustration as he made love to her. No. No! That wasn't what he wanted to do. He wanted to fuck her. Winter was the only woman he'd ever made love with. His need for Taryn was strictly carnal; that's why he couldn't go to the damn bar. If he gave in, he'd be using her. She was the only friend he had right now, so that was out of the question. The very last thing he wanted to do was hurt someone who cared about him in spite of everything he'd done.

Every day he'd fought the urge to walk to his favorite bar, and every night he went to bed feeling out of sorts and sad. Had so much time passed that it would be awkward if he popped in for one quick beer? He walked over to his phone and picked it up to see the time. It was happy hour, which meant the bar would be crowded. If he went now, she wouldn't be able to talk to him. Was that a good or bad thing? He didn't love being surrounded by people, so he considered going later. Then he remembered it was Friday which meant it could be packed until closing. He'd just wait and go another day.

******

"Well howdy, stranger!" Patricia called out when Shawn walked through the door.

He couldn't help but return the big smile she gave him even if he felt disappointment over Taryn's apparent absence. He took his usual seat. "Great to see you again! How are you feeling?"

"I feel pretty good. It helps to be back here, though someone won't let me work more than four hours a day. What can I get you?"

Shawn could tell that Tricia was feeling better than she had been the last time he saw her. She wore a wig, and it was very natural looking, though maybe a bit redder than her real hair. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes had their old sparkle back.

"I'll have a coffee."

Patricia raised an eyebrow. "You must have passed several cafés on your way here. I can't believe my coffeemaker is better than the fancy brew you get at those places."

"I'll have something stronger in a bit. I just need a little caffeine first." He knew that if he waited long enough, Taryn might show up, given that Tricia just said she didn't work long shifts.

She made him a mug of black coffee and set it on the counter. "Your hair is a bit longer."

He instinctively rubbed his head. "I'm thinking about letting it grow." He left out that her daughter's words were what prompted this.

Patricia pointed to her wig. "Our hair is about the same length. I can't wait until the day I don't have to wear this thing. It's hot!"

"So don't wear it. Women can rock super short cuts or even bald heads."

"You think? I've never had short hair."

"You should do what makes you most comfortable," he told her.

Just then, the bell on the door chimed, so they both turned and looked that way. In walked Taryn. She looked at Shawn and felt her heart do a flip in her chest.

"Look who the cat dragged in," Patricia said with a chuckle as she tilted her head towards Shawn.

"Must have been a big kitty," Taryn quipped as she approached the bar.

"Hi." Shawn gave her an awkward little wave.

"Welcome back," she said cooly before turning to her mom. "How was the lunch crowd?"

"Pretty good. I interviewed the cook who sent us his resumé last week."

"Is Zack leaving?" Shawn interjected.

"No. He'll probably work here until the day he dies. Just like me!" Tricia said. "We're gonna start serving lunch so we need to hire another cook."

"Wow! That's exciting!"

"Eventually we're going to add a few more tables or booths and make this place more of a bar and restaurant than just a pub that happens to serve some food," she further explained before she went into the kitchen to get her purse and car keys.

"But first, we need to save up more money," Taryn added once her mom was out of earshot.

Shawn was surprised to hear both of them use the pronoun "we" because in the past it had always been Patricia's bar. "If you need an invest-"

Taryn held up a hand to stop him. "Don't you dare! Your ads helped enough. We don't need you throwing cash at the bar."

"Fine, but if you change your mind, I'm here," he said.

"That's an odd thing to say considering you haven't been here in weeks." Taryn went behind the bar, grabbed an apron, and tied it around her waist.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's not like you're obligated to show up. It just felt very intentional...like you were avoiding me after our long talks," she said before going to check on the other customers.

Shawn appreciated how blunt and honest she was, and while she was away from the bar he wondered if he should be the same with her.

Patricia emerged from the kitchen. "I'm heading out. It's time for my post-work nap."

"It was good to see you again," Shawn told her.

She gave him a warm smile and then stopped to give her daughter, who was wiping down some tables, a kiss on the cheek before exiting the bar.

Taryn pointed to his mug when she returned. "Do you need a refill on your coffee?"

"No, thanks."

"Rye?"

"Not right now. If I come back around closing time, can we have a drink together and talk for a bit?" Shawn asked.

"We close early tonight since it's Sunday, so yes, that would work."

He stood up and placed some money to on the counter next to his empty cup. "I'll see you then."