Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~73~

Shawn bounced his knee anxiously as he waited for Taryn to arrive at the coffee shop. The night before, he'd taken her home to her new apartment and offered to stay the night since she was upset. She told him that her mom was on her way over, so he only needed to stick around until she arrived. When Patricia got there, she gave Shawn the tightest and longest hug he'd ever had as she thanked him profusely for saving her daughter. As he said goodbye, he asked Taryn to meet him for coffee the next day and she agreed.

When she walked through the door, he knew she was in bad shape. She had dark bags under her red puffy eyes and she looked as if she hadn't slept at all.

"Hi," she said as she sat down across from him. "I'm sorry I'm late, but I wanted to take a shower."

"Don't worry about it. What do you want? I'll go get it for you."

"Coffee, extra cream and sugar and maybe a slice of the lemon loaf, thanks."

He went to place her order and had his cup topped off while he was at the counter. When he returned with everything, he saw tears pooling in Taryn's blue eyes. "Do you want to go someplace more private? We can take everything back to my place since it's close."

"It's a beautiful day and I could use some fresh air. Why don't we walk to the park?" she suggested.

Five minutes later they were sitting on a wrought iron and wooden bench that was off the walking path.

She broke off a piece of the bread and ate it before speaking. "I didn't sleep last night. I'm waiting for Amber to get back to me because I really need an emergency session. I'm in this really weird headspace where I keep reliving what happened, but at the same time, I'm so relieved that he's been arrested and that I told the police what he did when I was younger. This weight has been lifted off me that I wasn't even aware I was carrying."

"That seems like a pretty normal reaction. I couldn't sleep either, but I think it was all the adrenaline. I never really had time to experience the fear you had, because I was forced to react so quickly."

"You saved me. It's almost unbelievable that you showed up when you did."

He nervously rubbed the back of his neck with a hand. "It's maybe not as coincidental as you might think." She looked at him quizzically so he explained further. "I've been driving over to Ford's every night since the opening and sitting in the parking lot while I tried to get up the courage to go in and talk to you. Something about the rental car being there felt off to me, which is why I went inside."

"I guess I need to thank you for being a little stalkerish," she said with a weak smile.

"You don't need to thank me for anything. I need to ask you something, though. Did you...did you think I was going to kill him?"

When he'd held the broken bottle against Richie's throat, he could hear the fear in Taryn's voice as she warned him to stop. Last night he couldn't help thinking that she still believed he was capable of doing horrible things, like there'd always been a monster lurking inside him that she thought was going to finally come out.

She set her coffee down on the bench and ran her hand over his clenched jawline. "It was a very volatile situation and if Richie had pushed you, I thought you might injure him to protect me. I never once thought you'd kill him in cold blood."

"I need you to know that I got no pleasure from hurting him. If you'd asked me beforehand if I'd enjoy slamming him on the ground, I would have said 'fuck yes!' but in the moment, it was terrible. It's not that I felt he didn't deserve it, but I didn't like having to use violence on another human being, even one as horrible as him."

"Your gentle nature is one of the things I love most about you."

She said she loved him, which made his heart beat a thousand times faster, but he fought the urge to tell her he missed and to beg for her to end the break. He needed to give her space, and even if that hurt him, the alternative of pushing her would just make things worse. "Thank you for seeing the good in me."

"I don't know anyone who is as a good as you, Shawn," she said with deep sincerity. "You're kind and loving and open about being sensitive and vulnerable."

He wondered how she'd react if he knelt down in front of her and spontaneously proposed. Would she take off running? Would she say yes? The fact that he had no idea what her response would be was reason enough to not act impulsively. But Jesus...there was nothing he wanted more than to spend the rest of his life with the woman sitting beside him.

"You're also being incredibly patient with me," she added, "and you are apparently still my knight in shining armor."

He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. "I love you, m'lady. I always will."

"How long are you in town?" she asked as her face turned slightly pink.

The blush on her cheeks made him smile, but he hated the answer he had to give her. "I'm headed to New York tomorrow and then after a week there I'm supposed to finish the album in Los Angeles. I'm not sure how long that's going to take."

Ever since Shawn's career had been revitalized, Taryn felt like she was being torn in half. Part of her was beyond happy for him now that he was getting back what he'd lost. She knew from their first long conversations that returning to music was what he wanted most. The other part of her knew that his success meant he would never be around like he had been when they started out. Maybe it was selfish, but she loved that they used to see each other every day. On top of that, she knew that the less they were together, the more likely he was to walk away. Despite all this, she'd never in a million years want anything for him other than the path he was currently on.

"You'll be here for the wedding, right?"

"Absolutely! I wouldn't miss it for the world. Earl asked if I'd sing, so I'll get to use the stage you put in."

"I guess it can be a warm-up for your big tour next year," she said before eating another bite of her lemon bread. "Though singing to fifty people probably doesn't have the same energy as singing to fifty thousand."

"There are advantages to small crowds, actually. You get to connect with everyone."

"Mmm, but don't you love having all those people screaming your name?" she asked.

There was only one person who he wanted to elicit that primal response from, and he didn't want it to come from his vocal performance. He wondered if she went to bed thinking about him, because not a single night passed that his last thoughts weren't about holding her in his arms.

Her phone started buzzing before he could answer. Taryn had a brief conversation with Amber, and then let out a deep sigh. "She can squeeze me in, but I need to be at her office within the next twenty minutes."

"I'm really glad you get to have a session. What happened was traumatic."

"I am a little anxious about going to work later, if I'm being completely honest. I can't let Richie ruin my brewpub for me, though. That's giving him power, and I finally feel like I've stripped him of the hold he had on me."

Shawn wrapped an arm around her shoulder protectively. "I love your strength, and I am so proud of you."

Smiling up at him, she said, "Well then we're mutually proud, because I'm in awe of you."

"How about I come by tonight and hang out?"

"I'd like that, but I need to warn you that I'm way busier than I ever was at The Good Luck Lounge. Two nights ago I got twenty thousand steps in! If I work both the day and evening shift, I'll practically be running a marathon."

"I'm a low maintenance kinda guy. You don't have to give me any special attention, and I'll enjoy a night of people-watching," he told her. She was the only person he'd be focused on, of course.

"Then I guess I'll see you later." Her light laughter was like music to his ears, especially given the state she was in when she'd walked into the coffee shop.

After she left, Shawn stayed in the park and thought over everything that happened the night before and then how they'd been that day. He was scared to be too hopeful, but they'd definitely shown some progress.