Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~15~

Taryn was too busy to overthink Shawn's sudden reappearance since there was a pretty good dinner crowd at the bar. Zack had recently added a few things to the menu, and people were responding positively. As the night wore on, the number of customers diminished and her mind began to wander to her handsome yet confusing friend.

After he'd opened up to her at his condo, she believed they'd grown closer. What started as a casual acquaintanceship at the bar had seemingly turned into a real friendship. There'd even been those few moments where it felt like more. She hated herself for giving him some very obvious signals that she wanted him to kiss her and was fairly certain that was why he'd stopped coming 'round. She also hated herself for being foolish enough to think Shawn Mendes might be into her, even when he was at his lowest and most vulnerable.

She missed having him around, and she felt remorse that she'd pushed him away. It was nice having a friend in Toronto, considering she'd lost touch with the people she'd grown up with. That was probably for the best, since she'd gotten in with a pretty bad crowd in high school.

A group of four older men who showed up once every two weeks to play cards were the last customers of the night. They settled their tab, leaving Taryn a generous tip, and then groused about the weather as they shuffled out into the night.

The door was about to close when Shawn burst through it, shaking the rain off his drenched body. "It's really coming down," he said as he hung his jacket on the rarely used coatrack.

"Do you mind securing the locks, turning off the neon light, and switching the sign to closed?" Taryn asked.

He gave her a thumbs-up and completed each task before sitting down. She poured them each a drink and came around the bar so that she could sit next to him.

He held his glass up and clinked it against hers. "Cheers."

"Alright...spill it. Why'd you stay away for twenty-two days?"

"You were counting?"

Taryn shrugged. "Clearly I was, if I have an exact number."

A warmth spread through his body, and it definitely wasn't from the one sip of rye. He decided to be honest with her. "I was afraid that if I came to the bar and saw you, I'd do something I'd regret."

"What?" she asked as her heart started pounding in her chest.

"Kiss you."

Her whole face burned as it turned scarlet. She hadn't imagined that moment after all? This revelation rendered her momentarily speechless.

"Fuck," Shawn swore as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. "I shouldn't have said that. You're always really honest and I told myself I owed it to you to be the same."

She'd been around him enough to read his mannerisms. He rubbed his neck when he was anxious, though sometimes he'd touch his hair instead. His cheeks flushed when he was embarrassed or put on the spot, and even though she couldn't see her own face right now, she was sure they were both blushing with the same intensity. The fact that he was so outwardly uncomfortable was comforting to her in a completely illogical way.

Taryn reached out and touched his forearm. "No! I'm glad you are being honest, I just don't really understand what you're saying. You want- or wanted- to kiss me? But you think you'd regret that?"

"When we were at my place, after I fell apart, I wanted to kiss you so badly. Maybe I was reading you wrong, but I thought you felt the same way."

She nodded to let him know that this was correct.

"I stopped myself, and I've stayed away because I won't let it happen," he said as firmly as he could.

Taryn's heart sank. "Why?"

Shawn leaned closer to her. "I don't want to hurt you. You're my only friend right now, and the thought of doing anything that might cause you pain is more than I can handle. I came to the bar today because I missed it- I missed you- but I can't stop thinking about our almost-kiss. I should just go and not come back."

"You're being awfully dramatic over a kiss that never even happened," she said with an eyeroll. She often shifted her tone during heavy conversations as a defense mechanism.

Shawn laughed. "Is that what I'm being? I thought I was being a good guy."

"You're a real knight in shining armor. I suppose I should thank you for not kissing me and ruining my life."

"No need to be snarky. I guess I need to explain myself a little better."

"Please do."

"I'm not in a healthy enough place mentally to date someone. If we started something, I couldn't give you what you deserve. You're a smart, confident, and insanely beautiful woman who should be with a man who can devote himself to making you happy. I'm a convicted felon who has some pretty serious issues. I hate myself and that makes me a toxic person," he told her.

Taryn chewed her bottom lip as she ruminated over his words before responding. "You've done a lot of deep thinking about a kiss."

"I think we both know that a kiss would just be the start."

"I've kissed plenty of men and stopped. I know you're Shawn Mendes, but perhaps you shouldn't assume that I'd drop my panties as soon as our lips locked."

He couldn't help but grin at her sassy attitude. "You're right. I was being presumptuous."

"I appreciate that you're trying to protect me, but I'm a grown woman who is capable of looking out for herself. I know you've got those fractures we talked about, and I know you're far from ready to be in a relationship. I suspect you're still in love with Winter, too. You're definitely not someone I should get involved with. I hate admitting when my mom is right, but she said the same thing."

Shawn's face fell. "Patricia doesn't like me?"

"She adores you! That doesn't mean she would want me to be with you, though."

"So we're in agreement. What do we do now? I want to still be friends and hang out here with you, but I don't know that I'll get over wanting more."

"We are definitely not in agreement," Taryn asserted.

Shawn's face scrunched with confusion. "I don't understand."

"You ghosted me for three weeks, and then you show up to tell me you did that because you didn't want to hurt me? Guess what? That hurt. I've been stressing over the idea that I pushed you away, and I've also been missing my friend. And for the record, I wanted to kiss you just as much as you wanted to kiss me! I am fully aware of how problematic that could be and I don't care. You're making this decision for both of us without even letting me have a say."

Shawn was struck by her words and the ferocity of their delivery. He found Taryn's fiery side to be so sexually igniting that he had to take several deep breaths to calm himself down.

"Are you just going to sit there and stare at me, or are you going to do what we both want?" she added when he hadn't responded.

He knew he shouldn't do it. It defied all reason to start this now! They would both probably end up hurt in the end. But Jesus...he'd never been so turned on by a woman he hadn't even touched.

Taryn hopped off her barstool. "Okay. I get it. Maybe it is better if you find a new bar."

She turned to walk away so that she could start the closing procedures and go home, but before she'd taken two steps, Shawn stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him. He placed both hands on the sides of her face and bent forward so that their noses were millimeters apart.

"You're sure?" Shawn asked, his voice rough.

"Yes."