Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~32~

After taking a fifteen minute walk encompassing several blocks, Shawn returned to the bar with a cooler head, and he knew that if he avoided that stupid asshole, he'd be fine. Taryn was talking to some customers, so he sat down and waited for her.

"Colin quit," she said after making the rounds to each table. "I just had to tell everyone that the kitchen is closed for the night."

"Fuck. I'm so sorry."

She waved a hand dismissively. "It's not your fault. I called my mom after he left. Zack will need to work full time, or we'll have to drop lunches so he can work nights until we hire someone new."

"I'm sure there are other good cooks out there," he assured her.

After the customers left, Taryn went in the kitchen to clean up the mess Colin left behind while Shawn took care of the bar. By the time they got to his condo, both of them were exhausted from the long and stressful day.

"I could sleep twelve hours if I didn't have class in the morning," Taryn moaned as she trudged to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Only one more week and then you've got the summer off."

"I have two finals and a three essays, so it's going to be a really rough one. You might not see me much, but I'll have my period so it's not like I'd necessarily be here anyway."

He sat next to her. "What does your period have to do with anything?"

"These sleepovers are all about sex. I know period sex is a thing, but a lot of guys are grossed out by it."

It hurt to hear that she thought their nights together were purely sexual. The sex was incredible, but he loved falling asleep next to Taryn and waking up to her body snuggled against his. Their morning chats were often the best part of his day. Even if they didn't have a commitment, what they did have was about a lot more than sex.

"I'm going to go brush my teeth," he said angrily as he stood up and went into the bathroom. He performed his nighttime routine and took a piss before going back in the bedroom.

Taryn was still sitting in the same spot, looking sad. "I think I might go home. Things feel off."

"Shouldn't we have sex first, since that's why you came here in the first place?" He regretted saying these words as soon as they exited his mouth, but he was mad that she'd made their relationship sound so cheap.

"That's not why I'm here. You know that."

The hurt in her voice made him feel even more guilty, but he was hurt, too. "You're the one who just said that the sleepovers are only about sex."

She stood up and walked over to him. "I didn't use the word 'only.' Besides...you are the one who told me outright that you wanted me to come home with you yesterday to help ease your anxiety before the interview. There have been other occasions where you've been pretty open about how having sex with me makes you feel better. You can't blame me for stating that when I'm here, it's about sex!"

He did use their intimacy as an escape. That didn't mean that he didn't enjoy spending time with her for dozens of other reasons. "You're right. When we're together, I'm happy and less anxious. I'd forgotten what that felt like until I met you. It's not just when we're having sex, though. I'm happy when I'm sitting at the bar at the end of the night. I'm happy when we have dinner or coffee together. I'm happy when we lay in bed in the morning and talk about our lives. Having you next to me, no matter what the situation is, makes me happy."

After having confrontations with both Gretchen Lattner and Colin, Taryn was at her breaking point. Hearing him say that she made him happy pushed her over the edge. Her body shook as she began to cry uncontrollably.

Shawn watched in horror as she fell apart. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against his body. "I'm so sorry, baby. Please don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I just don't know w-what to think," she sobbed. "Y-you make me happy, too."

His heart swelled inside his chest as he contemplated how her happiness meant so much to him. Placing a light kiss on her temple, he said, "I think we're both really tired. Today sucked all around. Let's go to sleep, and tomorrow we'll feel better."

She looked up at him, tears still pooling in her blue eyes. "But you haven't told me about the interview."

"That can wait until the morning." He nodded towards the bathroom. "I bought two different toothbrushes today, because I wasn't sure if you liked soft or medium bristles. They are on the counter. Do you want me to get you a t-shirt to sleep in?"

"Yes, please," Taryn sniffled.

Letting go of her, he pulled one of his softest shirts off the shelf in his walk-in closet and set it on the bed. She got a couple things from her purse and went in the bathroom. When she emerged, she got undressed and pulled the t-shirt over her head before crawling into the far side of the bed, which had become her spot. He stripped down to his boxers and joined her. For a second they laid there side by side, but then she nestled her body against his and sighed contentedly. Within minutes she drifted off, making him envious of how easily she fell asleep as he was left grappling with his thoughts for hours.

The next morning, Taryn woke up first, her body enveloped in Shawn's as they spooned. She needed to pee, but he was snoring lightly behind her and waking him felt wrong. Eventually he started to stir, so she extricated herself from his arms and went to the bathroom. As she washed her hands, she observed her reflection in the mirror. The swelling on her cheek had receded enough that her eye looked normal, but the bruising had spread down to her jaw. If she hadn't fallen, things wouldn't have been nearly as horrible yesterday, so she felt a burst of anger at herself for being so clumsy. She brushed her teeth and returned to the bedroom where Shawn was sitting up looking at his phone. "Good morning," she said to him, somewhat unsure of where things stood.

He gave her a big smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"I'm glad to hear it. Do you have time to go through the interview with me?"

"Definitely. I really need some coffee, though," she told him.

They got dressed and went into the kitchen. Sitting at the island, Shawn played his recording, pausing periodically to discuss certain parts. It broke her heart to hear him say he hated himself, and it hurt when he pretty much admitted that he still loved Winter. Both of these things explained his refusal to have a real relationship, but there wasn't time to start a discussion about that. When it was done, they'd both consumed several mugs of coffee.

"So what's you're overall impression?" he asked.

"I don't think she's going to be able to focus her article on you. It doesn't sound like she got any new information from the women she spoke to, and you handled every question perfectly."

"What about the rough sex thing?"

"It would be a weak argument to say that something consensual was a problem. I do worry a little about my injury, but she'd have to admit it that she was only speculating about the bruise since I told her I fell," Taryn said.

"I don't like that you got dragged into all this."

"Me, either, but I'm strong enough to handle it. I've been through much worse."

He took her hand in hers. "I'm here if you ever want to talk about that stuff. This isn't a one-way street, you know. You've helped me through my problems, and I can try to do the same for you."

"Duly noted. I should probably get going. I told my mom last night that Colin quit, but I want to talk to her about how he'd had issues from the start. Then I've got class and a long night at work."

Lifting her hand to his mouth, he kissed her palm. "Can we have a do-over tonight?"

"The bar is open late, so I don't think so. Saturday is just as bad. Can we get together Sunday instead?" she suggested.

"We talked about smoking weed that night."

"I wasn't thinking about finals week. Maybe another time?"

"Sounds good," he said before giving her a kiss.

After she left, his condo felt empty and so did his heart.