Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~33~

Shawn helped himself to another piece of chicken. He was at his parents' house in Pickering for Sunday dinner, and the menu consisted of chicken roasted with lemon and herbs, garlic mashed potatoes, and steamed asparagus. These were all things he loved, and the fact that they'd selected the meal especially for him made him feel like a kid again. His mom said there was a surprise for dessert and he was really hoping it was cheesecake.

"Do you have any idea when this Lattner woman might publish the article?" his dad asked.

Instead of playing the recording, he'd summarized the interview for them. It was one thing for Taryn to hear the part about rough sex, but for his parents to know he'd done that was very different. He prayed that Gretchen wouldn't include that in her piece. The other thing he left out was the crap about Taryn and her bruise. His mom and dad would know he didn't hit her, but there'd be a lot of questions once they learned the woman he'd described as a friend was sleeping over.

"I have no idea. She said she would send it to me first, so at least I'll be prepared."

"I hope she's fair. The last thing you need is people thinking badly of you all over again." His mom sounded anxious.

"I'm never going to be the golden boy I once was, Mum. Some people will always have a low opinion of me, and even if other people were understanding from the start, they can't possibly see me like they once did. I don't know if I can change anyone's view at this point. What I need to work on is forgiving myself. That doesn't mean excusing my actions, because I can't do that. I can stop hating the person I became when I pushed the car."

A tear trickled down Karen Rayment's cheek. "More than anything in this world, your father and I want you to be the happy man you once were. We've seen flickers of him during these last six months, but we want our old son back!"

"I'm never going to be that person again," he said remorsefully. "He was destroyed along with the house and the car."

"I don't think you understand what I'm saying," his mum asserted. "We don't want 'Shawn Mendes the acclaimed musician and singer' back. We just want the person who greeted life with a enthusiasm and who got enjoyment from simple things. You've said you can't make music anymore, but that's not true. Even if you don't produce albums, you can still write! You can still sing! Things ended with Winter in the worst possible way, but that doesn't mean you can't find love and have a family. We love you so much, Shawn, and we want you to live a fulfilled life!"

He gulped back tears of his own. "I want that, too, but I don't think I deserve it."

"Bullshit!" Manny hit his fist on the table, not out of anger but because he was emotional. "You fucked up, but no one was injured. If you'd tried to get out of your punishment or didn't own up to your crime, then maybe you'd deserve to live with some guilt. But you paid to rebuild that house, and you did six months in prison! It kills us to watch you suffer. You deserve happiness!"

He knew this had been hard on his parents, but he'd always assumed it was the shame of it that destroyed them. Hearing that they'd been overwhelmed with concern about his state of mind motivated him even more to try to move on. Maybe it was time to tell them about the person in his life who made him feel like his old self.

After taking a sip of white wine, he asked, "Remember the bartender I told you about? Taryn?"

"Yes. You brought her up awhile ago because you made her mad," his dad replied.

"Right. Well, she's become a pretty important person in my life and she makes me happy." He looked at his parents to gauge their reaction.

"You have a girlfriend?" his mum asked hopefully.

"We, um, aren't putting a label on it. We started as friends and then it evolved into what we have now. When I'm with her, I'm able to forget what happened and I actually feel good. I've told her everything and she accepts me."

"This is great news!" his dad practically shouted. "When do we get to meet her?"

This was exactly why Shawn had kept Taryn a secret until now. He held both hands up. "We aren't at the 'meeting the parents' stage yet. If we get there, I'll let you know."

His mother frowned. "But you've met her mum! You told us she owns the bar and you knew her first."

"It's a completely different situation. Patricia is my friend, too. Bringing Taryn here is a big deal. I doubt she's ready for that step."

"We could go to the bar with you! Keep it casual. She'd be working so it's not like she would be obligated to entertain us," his mum suggested.

Shawn sighed. "'Maybe we can do that down the road."

His dad turned to his mother. "Karen, we need to trust Shawn to take this at a pace he's comfortable with."

She nodded. "Of course. Just let us know when you're ready. You don't happen to have a picture of her, do you?"

Rolling his eyes, Shawn pulled out his phone and opened up Instagram. He'd opened a ghost account after getting out of jail so that he could follow his friends and family without anyone outside of them knowing. His official account still existed but other than a statement of apology someone on his team had posted after his sentencing, it had been inactive. He'd searched Taryn the morning after their first kiss and followed her. He knew he should tell her, but she didn't post very often so it didn't seem important.

He scrolled through her feed until he found the photo that was his favorite. Taryn was sitting on a lawn at Niagara College with her face tilted up to the sun. The thing that drew him to this particular pic was that the woman on the grass was nothing like the one he knew. He wanted to get to know this version of her; one who wasn't focused on school or working ten hour shifts. Even when she was relaxing with him in his condo, the shadow of fatigue was cast over her. He wanted to spend time with the gorgeous girl in the photo.

He passed the phone to his mom. "This is Taryn."

"Oh love, she's beautiful! Her hair is amazing."

Manny got up and looked over his wife's shoulder. "You used to have a thing for redheads. How many were cast as your girlfriend in music videos?"

He loved Taryn's hair and smiled as he thought about how sexy it was to have it brush over his chest when she was on top of him during sex. "Her hair is something else."

His mother turned and looked at him. "You really like this girl! It's written all over your face." His dad chuckled in agreement.

"She's great. She is smart, beautiful, funny, confident, hard-working, and determined. What's not to like?" he said as off-handedly as he could.

"Let me rephrase that. You more than like her."

Shawn closed the app and shoved his phone in his pocket. "I'm not ready for more."

"Why not?" his dad asked.

"For one, I don't deserve her. She's incredible and I'm...I'm damaged. Secondly, I am terrified of getting hurt again and of hurting her. On top of that, things moved so fast with Winter and that was a huge mistake."

His parents exchanged a look; then his mom spoke. "Don't close yourself off from the possibility of love, Shawn."