Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~21~

Around noon on the day after Andrew's call, Shawn sat on his couch obsessing about his new predicament. Winter's interview with the British magazine hadn't blown up like he'd thought it would, so it was possible that whatever crap this journalist wrote might not get a lot of traction. Did people even care about him as a celebrity anymore? Other than the occasional "Shawn Mendes...Where is he now?" blurb, he'd practically faded into obscurity. However, if this new article did cause a lot of buzz, he'd be thrust back into the limelight. The fucking paparazzi would be back...people might recognize him on the street. Shit. Maybe it was time to shave off the hair he'd grown out.

A knock at the door startled him. Unexpected visitors had always concerned him, because more than once a fan had managed to get past security. That hadn't happened in years, but the old feeling of dread resurfaced. He got up, walked down the hall to the door, and peeked through the peephole. There stood Taryn, looking somewhat impatient.

"Hi," he said after opening the door.

"Oh, so you're alive and well? You haven't replied to any of my texts and you won't answer your phone, so I was genuinely worried that something happened."

It hadn't even crossed his mind that she'd be concerned. Other than his family, no one had cared about his well-being in a long time. "Yesterday was shitty and I knew I'd bring you down with me, and quite honestly today isn't any better."

"You could have texted me that," she said curtly before turning and walking down the corridor towards the elevator.

He watched her walk away and had a quick internal debate about what to do. If he let her go, he might be doing her a favor. Did she really need someone like him in her life? What did he even have to offer, besides maybe great sex? Conversely, she gave him so much. He'd been happy again after years of despair and regret. Was it selfish to put his needs ahead of hers?

Before he had a chance to make up his mind, she stepped into the elevator and the door closed.

Fuck.

Shawn ran inside, grabbed his keys off the hook across from the door, and took off full speed towards the stairs, which he went down so quickly he was at risk of breaking his neck. When he got to the lobby, the elevator was on its way back up, so he looked towards the door. She wasn't there. He had on gym shorts and a t-shirt but no shoes, so he'd hoped he would catch her inside instead of having to chase her down on the street. He threw caution to the wind and ran out the large glass door of the main entrance. Standing on the sidewalk he looked to his right and then his left, unsure of which direction she'd gone. She wasn't there, so he went back into the building and sprinted down the long straight hallway to the other exit. He burst through the door and spotted her walking on a path at the other end of Victoria Memorial Square.

"Taryn!" he called out to her, but she didn't turn around.

He crossed the street and ran as fast as he could, his bare feet stinging as they encountered small rocks and uneven concrete. Thankfully she had to stop before crossing Wellington since the traffic was heavy. He slowed as he approached her and said her name again as he reached out and touched her shoulder. She spun around with an arm raised to strike, so he jumped back.

"Shawn!?" she exclaimed as she removed her earbuds. "What are you doing?"

He bent over and put his hands on his knees as he fought to catch his breath. When he could speak, he righted himself. "I had to catch you to apologize and explain why I didn't respond to you."

Taryn looked at the state he was in and her heart did an unexpected flip in her chest. He'd run after her barefoot instead of doing the easy thing of just calling or texting her. This didn't erase the fact that she was upset with him for ignoring her. "I'm all ears."

He looked around the park which was filled with people. "Can we go someplace private?"

"You can come to the bar with me, but my mom is there interviewing another cook, so if it's something private they might overhear it."

"You have to get to work right now?"

"No. I've got a little leeway since it'll be slow and my mom can handle it for a few hours," she answered. "I was going to work on a paper for school, but I guess I can do that tonight."

Starting this week, the bar was closing earlier on weeknights. Taryn conducted a cost analysis and found that they spent more to stay open that extra hour and a half than The Good Luck Lounge made in profit.

"Let's go back to my place. I can't offer you much in the way of lunch, but I make a pretty decent peanut butter sandwich or grilled cheese."

They walked through the park which was full of spring green trees and colorful bulbs. When they got back to his condo, Shawn excused himself to wash his filthy feet while Taryn made herself a coffee and got comfortable in the sofa. When he was cleaned up, he sat next to her with his body turned in her direction.

"I know I shouldn't have ignored you, but I've been struggling with something and you're part of it peripherally," he explained. "I'm really sorry."

"Apology accepted as long as it doesn't become a pattern. What's going on?"

Shawn told her about Andrew's call. "So now I'm stuck on whether or not I want to give an interview," he said at the end.

"I can see why that's a hard decision. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

"Exactly! I don't see an option that doesn't have potential to fuck me over! I've admitted my guilt, done my time, and my career is over. Why would this writer want to bring all this shit up again?"

"That's easy. It will sell. You know the idiom, 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall,' right? You were at the top of your career, so for you to do what you did meant you took a huge tumble, and that's the kind of crap people love to read about. Without knowing you, I can see why she'd chalk your actions up to toxic masculinity. You were mad at Winter and you did something to hurt her. That's toxic. Winter is now claiming that you were smothering and controlling. Also toxic. You and I both know that you didn't want to destroy her whole house, and you made it clear to me that while you loved her intensely, you weren't mentally abusive. I believe that you've been honest with me because I trust you. You're not a bad person, Shawn."

His body was flooded with a warm feeling as he took in her reassuring words. "Are you saying that if I tell this writer what I told you, she might see me in the same light you do? You think I should do the interview?"

"Maybe? I don't know for sure. She's going to write the article no matter what, and if she doesn't have your actual words, she's going to base everything off the trial. I don't think your testimony tells the whole story. Plus, you've had a lot of time to reflect since then," she said.

"I'm going to my parents' house for dinner tonight to get their opinion. I'll be sure to share what you've said. You've really helped."

"I'm glad, but you said that I was part of this. I don't see how I'm connected."

He sighed. "After Andrew called I was too fucked up to see you, and then I started thinking that you should be with someone better than me."

"We've been over this before, remember?"

"I know, but that was before we kissed. Now we've had sex and that means we've leveled up."

"We're still the same people. You haven't become a worse person just because this writer wants to portray you that way. I'm here right now because I care about you. You make me happy," she told him as she reached out and touched his arm.

"You make me happy, too. I don't deserve you, though."

Taryn got up and climbed onto his lap. "Let's just take this day by day."