Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~77~

"Black coffee for you and a thoroughly unhealthy coffee for me," Taryn said as she handed Shawn his drink, "and a huge slice of cake for us to share. This hazelnut layer was my favorite. I love the raspberry and vanilla buttercream filling."

They sat down opposite each other at his dining room table after he grabbed two forks, and then each took a couple bites of the delicious cake.

"Did you get much sleep?" he asked.

"A couple hours. I might swing home for a nap later since the bar doesn't open until four."

He wanted to tell her she was welcome to nap at his place, but he was happy with how things had progressed and didn't want to push it. "I figure I'll sleep on the plane, which I tend to do anyway."

She licked a gob of frosting off her fork. "When will you be back?"

"Possibly very soon. It's a bit up in the air right now. Before I get into that, let's talk about your stuff."

"I'm going to try to give you the abridged version since otherwise we could be here all day. When my dad left, it conditioned my brain to think that it was normal for people to walk away from those they love. This made me feel unlovable, which was compounded by what happened with my mom when I told her about Richie. I didn't feel valued or worthy on a deeply subconscious level. It manifested, as Amber likes to say, in multiple ways. My whole life, I've had friends, but I tend to keep them at arm's length, because part of me always thought they'd eventually ditch me. I was the same with past boyfriends, because I didn't want to get too close and then be dumped. I construct a metaphorical wall around myself, thinking it keeps me safe, though of course it doesn't. You've made me feel loved, but I don't know that I ever felt I was worthy of it."

A lump formed in his throat. "You're the best thing in my life, honey. You deserve so much love, and all I want is to give all of mine to you."

"The logical part of my brain knows that, but when you got back into music, there was this nagging voice in my head that kept saying that eventually you'd leave because you were moving on to bigger and better things. This is a terrible thing to admit, but when you were 'broken,' as you used to put it, it somehow put us on the same level. I felt I was worthy of the damaged or more vulnerable version of you, but I knew I could never have had you back before your life fell apart. So when you started to rise again professionally, that's when I began doubting if you'd still want me. It doesn't help that your last girlfriend is this gorgeous and talented actress and that those are the types of women you'll be mingling with again. I'm just a bar owner in Toronto."

"You're not just anything! You are everything to me! I don't care what you do or where you live; all that matters is for us to be together. What can I do to prove to you that I'm here to stay? I am never abandoning you!"

She gave him a sad look. "Never say never. Who knows what might happen down the road. That's why I build up a wall to protect myself; you can't know what the future holds."

"Okay...I won't say never, but right now I am a hundred percent confident that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He decided that it was time to go all in to convince her how serious he was. "I want us to move in together, and then I want us to get married. Eventually, I want us to have a family. I have no doubt in my mind that this should be our future."

Tears started to fall down Taryn's cheeks. "Really?"

"Yes! I kept waiting for you to suggest living together when you moved out of your mom's, because I didn't want to be the one rushing things."

"Meanwhile, I was waiting for you to ask me to move in. It's not like I could extend the invitation myself!" she said as she laughed through her tears.