Fractured [SHAWN MENDES]

~74~

"Last time we met, you'd come straight from spending time with Shawn and you felt fairly positive. How are things going with him now?" Amber asked after Taryn had gotten comfy on the old couch.

"Less than two weeks ago, I was attacked by my ex-stepfather and you want to start with my boyfriend?" she responded with a laugh.

The therapist shrugged. "I know you, so I suspect that he's on your mind more than Richie. If you prefer to start with what happened that night, I'm happy to do so."

"As always, you're right. I am definitely very focused on Shawn right now, and surprisingly, I'm feeling okay about the incident. There's a security in knowing he's locked up. They found all sorts of underage porn on his computers, by the way. I had to give a deposition on Monday and they told me about it. He still had my footage, too. There are so many charges against him that it's unlikely he'll ever get out of jail."

"That's good to hear! No nightmares or flashbacks to that night? Any problems working where it all happened?" Amber queried.

"Nope. I'm sleeping well knowing he's being prosecuted, and I refuse to let Richie have power over me anymore. My mom made sure the glass was cleaned up before I got to work the next day, and I've added several extra levels of security. My staff better understands the need for making sure doors are locked after we had a team meeting about safety."

"Very good! Remember, though, that the after-effects of trauma can sneak up on you later. If you find that happens, it's totally normal and we can work through it. So back to Shawn..."

Taryn laughed again. "Okay, okay, let's talk about my boyfriend."

Amber grinned. "Last time we met you referred to him as your 'sort-of-boyfriend,' and now you've called him your 'boyfriend' twice in a row, which is a step in the right direction. What's happened that's caused this shift?

"Nothing, actually. We're just a little more comfortable with each other right now. We've been talking almost every day, and I'm excited to see him at the wedding. I have that giddy feeling that I had when we were first together."

"Sounds like you've fallen back in love."

She raised a hand in objection. "I was never not in love with him! That hasn't been an issue on my end."

"Was it an issue on his end?"

"I-I don't know. It felt like it was when he said he couldn't write love songs about me, but now I see that I was being unfair to him about that. I know my hurt feelings were valid, but he definitely has his reasons. He's got a complicated history with Winter."

"You both have complicated histories, and it's negatively influenced your relationship. The only way you can move forward is to address the things from your past that are impacting your present. In your case, you need to talk to him about why you're so afraid to recommit," Amber told her.

Taryn had a breakthrough in therapy right after the grand opening of Ford's. She'd dug really deeply to examine why she kept pushing Shawn away, and it came down to a fear of abandonment. In a way, it was also tied to watching her mother's failed relationships, but it was much more than that. Her father had walked out of her life and hadn't looked back until the very end, which hurt her terribly. She felt unlovable and unworthy at the core, and that feeling was transferred to Shawn. As his career started rising again, a voice inside her head kept telling her that eventually he'd leave because she wasn't worth him adjusting his schedule to make time for her. Obviously they had other issues, like how he was always trying to offer financial assistance, but that wasn't what was keeping them apart now. She'd built a wall to protect herself, and it was hard to knock it down. Instead, it felt like each positive interaction she had with him took off a brick or two. This was why when he wanted to just end the break, it scared her. She wanted more of the wall to disappear first.