The Bastard Queen (Viciously Yours #2)

Chapter Fifty-Two: "Nothing Changes."

~Cillian's P.O.V.~

Sliding a callused palm over the map outlining the positions of the Unseelie bases, I committed each location to memory. They would be important for Macha to be aware of after we won the war. We'll need to do a sweep of each base to make sure that every soldier has either surrendered to her reign or been executed. The higher ranking officers of the army would likely choose death instead of betraying their Queen. Despite the way they knew how Mab ran things behind closed doors, they're loyalty wouldn't allow them to surrender. However, the younger ones would be more willing to surrender. Which worked in our favor as young minds would be more accepting of the truth unlike the older Fae.

Along with the locations of the bases were the supply routes that kept Mab's soldiers stocked with food and water. If Macha laid siege to these routes and intercepted supply caravans, it would increase our chances of winning the war. Starving the soldiers out would make them weak and irritable, which in turn would make them impulsive on the battlefield. Out of all the Fae in the realm, the impulsive ones were by far the easiest to kill. Well, unless that impulsive fae happened to be Macha O'Riordan. With her, it'd always be a flip of a gold piece on whether she'd cut your throat or share a laugh with you.

Or both, I thought with a small smile taking over my face.

Rubbing it away with a rough hand, I folded up the map and placed it atop the books stacked up on the left side of my desk. The urge to reach out to the insufferable female pushed at me but I held myself back. Being able to talk to her whenever I wanted was addicting and if I wasn't careful I'd spend all day listening to her talk in my head. Though that wasn't the reason I was trying not to reach out to her at the moment. Having already spoken to her earlier in the night, I wanted to wait until I had it in my hands.

The generals were putting the finishing touches on the war plans tonight. After a month of deliberation and arguments between them, they were finally ready to send them out to Mab. In a few short hours, I'd have what I've been waiting for and I'd be free. My role as Mab's commander will be finished as soon as I grabbed the plans and slipped from the base. Finally after all this time, we'd be able to spend time together without a pending time limit. A warmth unfurled in my chest at the thought of being back at Machas side. There was just something so profoundly right about standing at her side that I couldn't explain it.

Fuck, I wasn't even sure she felt the same way but I knew how I felt. It wasn't love, I was much too old to fall in love in the short amount of time we'd been together. I was sure that Macha would've agreed with me on that point as well. It was something...different. It was something pure and secure, that left me without a shadow of a doubt that she was the one for me. Though, I'd known that part for a long time. This thing that I felt weighed on me when we were separated and lifted when we were together. Holding her, touching her... it took away the worries and what if's of the war. She was...She felt like...

Shaking my head in frustration, I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck and stood up from the desk. Pushing the chair back in, I rounded the cluttered desk and moved towards the cot in the corner. I didn't bother with my emotions much, I mostly ignored them as having them in close proximity to Mab was a death sentence. But it was when I tried to piece together what I was feeling about Macha or a certain situation involving her that I wished I was more attuned with my emotions.

It wasn't like I had anyone to bounce my thoughts off of anyways, I thought, tugging my tunic off with a huff.

My father was a dick, Baris wouldn't understand, Bria would be too encouraging, Mother...Oh, Divines. Had I sunk so deeply into my role as a double agent that I had no one besides my mother to talk to? The answer would be yes. I disliked the people I was surrounded by as Commander of the Unseelie army and I hadn't met anyone in Macha's camp. Dani was okay but I've hardly talked to her and that would be almost as bad as talking to Macha about my feelings about her. General Erick...my lip curled at the thought of the dog shit haired male. Ifreann, no.