Finding Harry

34. Finding The Calm

Opening the door of the truck I'm about to hop in when I notice a small brown package obstructing my way, I look at it my brows wrinkled in confusion. 

"I stopped by the diner and picked you up some sweet potato fries" Ray picks up the box allowing me to sit down before handing it over to me, I open it and the comforting smell of sweet potato fries fill my nose. 

I pick three up and shovel them into my mouth, a hunger I hadn't realised taking over me as I continue to eat more as Ray starts driving.

"Thanks" I say in between bites.

"It's all good, I figured you be pretty hungry after the meeting" My eyebrows raise, I set my fries down on my lap as a chill runs down my spine.

"How'd you know it was a meeting?" The accusation is beyond present in my tone but I don't care, If Ray has been snooping into my life... God help him because I will throw him out this moving car. 

"It's a small town Harry, everyone knows everything here. I thought you would've realised that by now" There's no malicious intent in his voice but I still feel slightly embarrassed at my quick judgement.

"Oh.. right" I resume eating my fries "My bad" Ray shrugs and smiles supportively, just like always all is quickly forgiven by him.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, I know you. You'll just ignore me if you don't want to answer" He's not wrong, that's exactly what I do "But how was it?"

"Eye opening" I sigh not entirely sure about my answer but going with it anyway.

It's true though I'm starting to see things I've done in the past with a new clarity. It's as if I've been swimming underwater with my eyes open and someone's finally given me a pair of swimming goggles.

And for the first time since I did my first line over two years ago, I'm really considering staying clean. No. Not considering, I am going to stay clean. I owe everyone in my life who's tried so hard to save me at least that much.

I owe myself that much.

"Hey" Ray lies his hand on my thigh while he drives giving it a light squeeze "That's a good thing Harry, that's really good" I don't have to look over at his face, I can already see the smile in his voice. But I do anyway and that grin I've grown to really like is right where I expected it to be.

My brain feels as if Ray thinks I've done a complete three sixty in my way of thinking but that's not what it feels like. If someone were to offer me a line right now... I don't know what I'd say. I just know at times my urge for it feels like a painful scratching at the back of my skull and other times it feels like a yelling, as if I don't give my body what it wants I won't be able to breathe.

"I guess" I say with a shrug, popping some more fries into my mouth.

Leaning my elbow out the car window I notice we're turning into my street, looking down at the box on my lap I also realise I've scoffed down all of my sweet potato fries. I frown closing the box up and placing it on the dashboard.

Ray stops outside my house and I go to get out of the truck.

"Thank you. For the fries and coming to pick me up" He grins at me and winks.

"You know I'm always looking for more excuses to spend more time with you"  I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Well I'm not going anywhere soon, see you tomorrow morning" I open the truck door and jump out.

"Nope. You've got tomorrow off, your Grandma rang me, something about fishing with your Grandad?" Shit I completely forgot about that "Anyways I'll have to wait till Saturday to see your face again" He shakes his head putting on a look of despair, I just chuckle and roll my eyes again.