Finding Harry

38. Finding Results

June 30th 2019 - 12:15 am

The cold tiled floor had started off feeling harsh on my face, so much time has passed now that all the side of my cheek feels is numb. Dried tears stain my face. Everything hurts. I feel frozen, I don't have it in me to find the strength to move. 

Sounds of the party float through the door. Laughter, music, yelling. All I hear is the ear shattering pounding of my heart as words circle round my mind. 

My breathing is shallow, barely even there. I wonder if anyone realised I was gone. 

June 29th 2019 - 7:32 pm

Yasmine, Jessie and I spent the rest of the afternoon at Yasmine's house after they finally took me to that sushi restaurant they're always raving about, Then Yasmine had demanded that I need further cheering up. I was dragged to a nail bar and practically coerced into getting my nails done.

Now I sit on Yasmine's bed staring down at my yellow painted acrylic nails while she's applying some glitter to my eyelids. I feel like more of her cheering up tactics are suited to herself rather than me.

"You do know I'm not a doll" I say fidgeting my spot wondering when Jessie was coming back, she had gone to shower then Yasmine had pounced on me saying that I shouldn't have to do my makeup for the party while sad, insisting that the only option was for her to do it.

"I know" Yasmine responds with a sigh "Dolls are much more still" She giggles.  

Truth is my sadness really had subsided since ringing Ray. He hasn't responded yet but he's got to of heard the message. I hope more than anything he gives me a chance to explain myself tonight, and maybe apologise in person.

Saying sorry is something that means a lot to me. When it comes to my morals, I don't have many but there's two things I've always stuck to. I never say the words 'I promise' if I know I plan on breaking whatever pact I make and I never apologise unless I honestly feel that way and never plan on making that mistake again.

Ray wouldn't of known that of course but that just means I'm hoping he doesn't hears the gravity in my words when we speak tonight. If we speak tonight. My subconscious reminds me the thoughts that he won't forgive me because I don't deserve his forgiveness linger in the back of my mind.

But I look at the yellow of my nails, the colour that reminds me of him and I'm brought back down to earth.

"And my masterpiece is complete" Yasmine claps her hands together, I flash my eyes up from my nails as if she could somehow know what the colour meant to me. She grins at me before moving out the way so I could see myself in the vanity mirror from my place on her bed.

"Oh my god. I'm a mini you" I laugh.

My makeup mimics her usual look. My eyeliner is much less intense than usual, a sheer glittery golden coloured eyeshadow coating my inner lid that blends out into darker shades of brown and black that melt the eyeshadow into my skin tone effortlessly.

Minimal blush and contour sit on my cheeks and my lips have been dabbed ever so slightly with lipgloss that they give off a glossy look without being too much.

"Isn't it awesome!" Her grin stays in place "Alright time for the outfit, those jeans are cute you can keep them on but that white tank is too plain" She rushes over to her closet.