Finding Harry

22. Finding Dinner

God I'm stupid. I am so mind bogglingly stupid. What was I thinking? I can't believe I kissed him and I can't believe liked it so much. I really fell for the 'I think you're amazing' line, god I just want to punch myself in the face.

The sun is rising slowly in the sky as I walk to meet Ray at the beach, It's not too warm yet today so I just decided to wear a pair of black sweatpants with two layered cropped tank tops One pink and one purple, my Mom's bikini on underneath.

After the kiss last night we didn't speak about it, I just asked Ray if he could take me back to my Grandparent's house and he agreed with a giddy smile on his face.

Realisation for what I did didn't kick in until I had wiped off the remains of my makeup, changed into a baggy top and slid into bed. My bubble of dizzy euphoria broke and reality came crashing down. I didn't have the time to mull over it because the sheer exhaustion from the entire day hit me straight after and I went straight to sleep.  

But sleep was anything but a break from life. My dream's were filled with dark, I was constantly walking down an endless, winding sandy road. The constant pain in my feet caused tears to prick in my eyes but for some reason I just couldn't stop walking. It never stopped.

Until my Granddad came and woke me up, which I really wasn't expecting since I had to wake up earlier to go meet Ray and he woke me up at the exact same time my phone alarm started blaring. My Grandad questioned my puffy red eyes. I must of actually been crying during my sleep. I quickly snapped at him and he disappeared from the bedroom, concern riddling his face. 

I was fine though. I am fine.

Well not really, I have to go to the beach, tell Ray that I shouldn't of kissed him and then ask him if I can still surf with him. God I feel like a bitch, but maybe if we set some actual boundaries we could have a nice temporary friendship for the rest of the time I'm here.

Part of me just wants to remember every single thing about that kiss and replay it over and over in my mind without feeling as if I did something wrong. I can't though I just can't.

The beach comes into view at a distance as I turn the corner and my stomach turns at how nervous I am. I don't know why I'm so nervous, I've turned down and sent away tons of guys that I wasn't interested in for numerous reasons. Ray should be a piece of cake.

Cake sounds good right now, maybe I should turn round go back to my Grandparent's house and bake a cake. Fighting my urges to spin round and walk back the way I came I attempt to speed up my walking from pigeon steps to an actually decent speed.

Just like yesterday I see Ray standing next to the two surfboards laid out near the tide, but not near enough for the water to reach him as he puts his wetsuit on over a pair of yellow swim shorts. Leaving the top half hanging leave his defined chest bare.

Great.

Swallowing a gulp I slide off my converse and socks then roll up the end of my sweatpants before walking onto the smooth sand. Thanks to the sand and the painfully slow pace that I'm walking I manage to make it all the way over to him without attracting any attention.

"Hey" I successfully get out after taking a deep breath, grateful that none of my nerves show through in my voice.

Ray's head flies up at the sound of my voice a grin quickly appearing on his face like it always does when his eyes meet mine. I watch as he scans my face, my brows crease and his smile falters, Here goes nothing.

"Hey, everything okay?" Ray says nervously taking a step toward me, raising his arm to try and rest it on my shoulder. I quickly step back watching Ray quickly try to hide the hurt that showed up on his face after my rejection to his touch.