Finding Harry

39. Finding Harry

The cold tiled floor had started off feeling harsh on my face, so much time has passed now that all the side of my cheek feels is numb. Dried tears stain my face. Everything hurts. I feel frozen, I don't have it in me to find the strength to move.

Sounds of the party float through the door. Laughter, music, yelling. All I hear is the ear shattering pounding of my heart as words circle round my mind.

My breathing is shallow, barely even there. I wonder if anyone realised I was gone.

The blood that had been slowly trailing down my legs has long dried and feels crusty against my skin. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, my brain non responsive to any thoughts of moving that appear in my brain.

If I block out enough of the noise and focus hard enough I can pretend I'm not here. I can pretend I'm home and my parents are asleep in the room down the hall. I can pretend that Sam is staying the night and my shallow breathing is theirs as they sleep beside me.

I can pretend I'm safe, but now I know I'm not.

I should've done more. Fought, cried louder. Done anything but freeze like I did. Anything would've been better than just giving up. I feel weak and ashamed of myself.

Opening my eyes I blink a few times and a glinting silver catches my eye. Noticing Cain's car keys immediately my breath catches in my throat, He'd be back soon for those when he realises they're gone.

Fear now pumping in my veins I scramble to get myself off the floor, I have to be long gone before he comes back. Bile rises in my throat when I see my jeans, ripped in two in the corner of the bathroom.Along with my smashed phone and hello kitty underwear laying next to the shredded pieces of corduroy.

Next thing I know I'm bent over the toilet violently throwing up the contents of my stomach until my throat burns as if it's on fire. Disgusted by the state of myself I go the sink, swirl some water round my mouth and spit it out. Then I take a cloth from the side of the sink, wet it and clean the bloody mess between my thighs.

I turn my brain off as I clean myself up. Pushing down my feelings of weakness to the very depths of myself. I can't afford to cry anymore now. Cain could be back any moment

The thought of him walking through the door ignites panic in my blood causing me to hurry up.

Slowly I open the bathroom door, relieved to find Liberty's bedroom empty. Rushing to her drawers I pull out a pair of grey sweatpants not caring if she would mind me borrowing them as I pull them up over my bare legs.

Quickly I run back into the bathroom pick up my jeans, phone and underwear. Ignoring the feeling of more vomit threatening to come up my throat as I roll the clothes into a ball and put my phone in the pocket of Liberty's sweatpants.

In a split second decision before I leave the bathroom I pick up Cain's car keys. I'm gonna need a way back to my Grandparent's and there's no fucking way I'm getting in a Uber tonight. 

The second I open the door to Liberty's bedroom I'm flung back into the loud party atmosphere but the thought of staying a moment longer in this house makes me sick to my stomach.

I walk as fast as I can down the stairs clutching the clothes tightly to my chest, my eyes trained on the floor as I move past people. Holding my breath till I'm outside of the house in the warm, stagnant  Florida air.

Cain's car sticks out like a sore thumb to me but before I go towards it I stop by the trash cans outside of Liberty's house. In a matter of moments the clothes that were once mine are thrown in the trash, no longer a part of me anymore.

They took those from me. They took my body from me. I'm not my own anymore. Thanks to their disgustingly warped way of self entitled thinking, I no longer feel safe in my own skin.