And In The End

21

March 16th
Blakelyn's POV
I dangle my feet off of River's desk, listening to the noises outside. Bellamy lies on her bed, reading some book that Will got him last Christmas. I swear he's going to be a nose.
It doesn't take long for Ri to climb through the window, a goofy grin plastered on her face.

"Busted," I say, hopping off her bed.

"Holy shit!" She jumps back, gripping her chest. Bellamy laughs hopping up, too. "What are you doing in here?!"

"The better question," Bellamy whispers. "Is what were you doing out there?"

"I was with Kayla. You guys can't tell Mom and Dad," she pleads.

"We won't," I say, throwing Bellamy a look. He nods in agreement. 

"Okay. Then what do you guys want?"

"Just to scare you," Bellamy grins.

"Well, mission accomplished." I stare at Ri.

"Can I see your tattoo?"

"How did you-" I grin. "You know what, never mind. I don't want to know," she laughs shaking her head. River pulls up her shirt on the side, showing us the freshly-inked tiger. 

"That's sick." 

"I know," she grins. We fall silent, all sitting on River's bed. I look down, playing with my fingers.

"What is it, Blake?" I sigh.

"You are leaving next year," Bellamy says, putting his head on River's shoulder. She wraps him in a hug, her chin on his head.

"We don't know that," she whispers. "But you guys don't need to worry. I'll always be your big sister. And," she says. "If I leave, you have to watch out for Ivey. Set a good example."

"Oh, like you did for us, sneaking out to get tattooed," I scoff. River glares. "I'm going to miss you." River's eyes turn sad.

"Can we please stop acting like I'm dying?" Bellamy and I laugh, laying down on either side of River. I hear both of their breaths slow, knowing they are asleep. In no time, I fall into the dark, too.

March 24th
Tobias's POV
I moan, rolling over on the bed, jolted awake from the dream filling my head, almost squishing Tris. 

"Tobias," she mumbles, pushing me off of her, well, trying to. I roll back again, this time trapping her in my arms. She sighs, putting her head atop mine. The cold sweat dominates my body as I kick the blankets off me. My whole body shakes. I feel Tris come out of her own sleep, knowing what is happening. "Hey, hey, it's okay," she whispers. Immediately after closing my eyes, I shoot them open again. I bury my head deeper into Tris's body, trying to erase the images from my head.

"Tris," I moan, almost like I'm in pain.

I am in pain.

"I'm right here," she coos, holding my head. "Was it the same one?" 

"Yes," I say, out of breath.

The nightmares have been the same since River's fifteenth birthday. Evelyn lays on the small bed in my Abnegation house, pinned down by the looming figure above her. Marcus moves in closer, his breath visibly retched, kissing Evelyn's body. She squirms and yells for help, but nobody comes. I try to call out to her, but I am not really there. Marcus moves to take off her clothes, tearing her skin with his revolting nails.
And then the dream changes.

River is now Evelyn, and Ashton is Marcus. Every night, I'm jolted awake just before he commits the assault. 

"She's okay, Tobias."

"I know," I breathe out, still shaken. We lay there in silence, listening to my heart rate slowly decrease. "I'm sorry."

"I've told you to stop apologizing," she whispers, hugging me tighter. "It's not your fault. And I will be here for you, every night, every time it comes back. Because I love you." Another shaky breath escapes me. We fall back into silence, and after a while, I can tell Tris is asleep. I, however, know I won't be able to close my eyes again.

The clocks slowly turns to six in the morning, telling me that I can finally get out of bed. I have been staring at it for three hours. I pull myself out of bed quietly, refusing to wake Tris again. Going into the bathroom, I quickly do my business and get dressed for the day.
My routine has been the same since the nightmares started. Wake up, get dressed, make the kids lunch, then go from there. Yesterday, I helped with a patrol around the fence, helping keep track of everyone going in and out. It was tedious work, but it got my mind off things.

The floorboards stayed silent today when I walked downstairs, straight to the kitchen, pouring myself some coffee. I grabbed my keys, venturing to the dining hall, just like every other morning.

Soon, the days will start blurring together, if they haven't already.

I sigh when I get back to the house, returning to the kitchen, making each of the kids' lunch for school. They each get their own variation of a sandwich and their fruit. An apple for River, a banana for each of the twins, and an orange for Ivey, all packages in a brown paper bag. I write their names neatly.

Around eight, the kids start trickling downstairs. We all eat breakfast in silence, Tris still asleep.

"I love you guys," I say after the four of them as they leave to catch the train.

"Love you too, daddy." Ivey is the only one who responds. Bellamy, Blakelyn, and River have noticed my mood change.

Not long after the front door shuts behind them, River comes back in, giving me a hug for the first time in a week.

"I'm sorry dad," she whispers. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Ri," I whisper.

She lets go, her eyes glossy, and runs back out the door. My heart throbs. We have been fighting for a while after we found out that she got a tattoo. It wasn't so much the tattoo in itself, just that she didn't tell us. And she went with that boyfriend of hers. In his defense, he asked to talk to me, apologizing for not meeting us sooner, and taking Ri to get the tattoo. He's growing on me, just a little. I've agreed to take him to the fence with Bellamy next time we go.

"Okay," Tris says from behind me. I turn around, looking at her. "Enough of this moping. We are going out today."