Best Friends

34 I Saved You

"I'll come see you guys soon yeah?" I said to Sam refusing to let go of her. I didn't know how much I'd craved just being there until I came back. And now I didn't want to leave her.
"That will be nice. I don't know when though."
"I'll make plans very soon."
"I'll drive her up later on this month." Tom piped up
"And that's why I know you're in safe hands. They'll look after you. But seriously you have to let go sweetheart." I nodded and pulled away from the hug
"Bye"
"Bye love. Go on. Go get in the car" she waved off until we had driven down the street out if her sight. Dom got into the car with Mikey because they had something they wanted to do. And me and Adam were in Tom's car.
"Where are they going?" I said weakly as I stared out of the window "Better be fucking important leaving me like this" neither of them said a word and the car soon pulled over on the curb "What are you doing?" I protested but I noticed Adam get into the back seat with me
"Just coming to sit with you" he said moving up to the middle seat so he was right next to me. I immediately hugged him both because I needed it and to show my appreciation for him just being "Calm down. Let me get my fucking belt on first" I chuckled and pulled away just long enough for him to do just that before hugging him again. The movement of the car and the feeling of comfort made me start to fall asleep
"Dom's fucked if he ever breaks her heart" Tom piped up thinking I was asleep
"Yeah he is. Trust me. But I don't think he will. Ever"
"You sound so convinced"
"He's loved her ever since he met her. You know that. So even if their relationship doesn't work out he will always love her to pieces"
"I'm sure you'd still like to hurt him though"
"Not if she didn't want me to."
"You've really changed for the better since she came back. More open about how you feel and shit. I like that." I felt Adam chuckle
"Stop being all soppy and fucking drive" this caused both of them to laugh
"Alright. Point taken. Let's fucking go."

I must have actually fallen asleep because I didn't remember much of the car journey
"Lex. You want something to eat?" Adam asked me once he'd gently nudged me awake
"We're going to go through the drive thru do you want something?"
"Uhhh. Nuggets please. And can I get a chocolate milkshake?"
"Sure. Tom did you get that"
"Sure did" I sat up and stretched
"How close to home are we?"
"About an hour away." Tom answered "Just thought you'd want something to eat since you didn't eat breakfast."
"You know I don't eat when I'm upset"
"Well are you feeling better now. Cus I also know you'll be sick if I force you" I nodded and he drove up to the speaker telling the person our order.
"You sleep well? Ya seemed pretty peaceful." Adam said softly
"Yeah. Slept fine. You're pretty comfy."
"As I've heard"
"If me and Dom split up don't hurt him." His face broke out into a smile
"So you heard then?" I nodded "I won't then. But that won't stop me from being mad. But like I said I don't think he will ever hurt you. Not on purpose."
"Me neither. But things can change can't they" I looked away and out of the window resting my head against it
"You'll have me though." He whispered which just made me instantly hug him tight
"You promise?"
"Why? Do you plan on-"
"Cut the jokes Adam"
"Yeah I promise. I promise I will always be there."
"Thanks"
"But seriously where has this come from?"
"Can we talk about this when we get home?"
"Sure. I guess" almost as if it were on cue Tom pulled up to the window and picked up the food from the server
"Here guys." He passed them back "Just keep mine in the bag yeah"
"Okay" I said softly before taking it from him
"You alright?"
"Yeah" I lied "I'm fine"

I heard the door to Dom's bedroom open and close and sensed that whoever it was they hadn't left
"Hey lex" Adam said softly "You wanna talk about what's bothering you?" He sat up against the headboard of the bed and stroked my arm gently whilst I stayed layed on my side with my back to him "What's up?"
"I don't know. It's stupid me overthinking"
"Don't do that. I hate it when you say stuff like that about yourself. It's not stupid if it's bothering you and it clearly is" he was getting worked up so he stopped to take a deep breath before he got more stressed "Do you want a cuddle?" I turned over onto my back and nodded slowly promoting him to lie down and let me rest my head on his chest. This calmed me down almost instantly and I closed my eyes feeling truly relaxed "What's bothering you eh?"
"I'm back home."
"Why is that bothering you?"
"Because it was only a few weeks of being back before I went to mums and we just kind of never really left. Now I'm here with Dom and I don't know what I'm gonna do. What if he spirals again?"
"Is that why you wouldn't eat this morning? You were worried?"
"Yeah. I don't know if I'm ready to be back here."
"You've got all of us. We're here for you. Always."
"I know. Since I first met youse you just took me in and loved me. I've no doubt that you'll always be there. Like I said it's just me overthinking." I bit my lip harshly trying not to cry as he softly ran his hands through my hair
"I worry about him too. That shit was traumatic Lexi. I wouldn't wish seeing that on anyone. But Dom loves you. And he's doing so much better now. He's trying his hardest for us all. And it's hard for him but he tried so hard to try and get a little better before he came out about what happened."
"I've never really spoken about it since I found out. Not like this. But I'm so fucking scared Adam. And when we were back there it felt so normal. Like old times. And I forgot about it all."
"You were so happy. Except the time you had to come back but that seemed to solve itself pretty quickly. I'm not inside his head so I don't know what he is thinking but I know that he is trying." He held me tighter for a moment and I sensed he was about to tell me something important "And honestly I see his motivation."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing"
"Adam tell me what you mean by that"
"It will just upset you more. And it's fine now"
"I want to know. And if you're fine now it won't matter will it"
"Do you seriously want to know. Lex I don't know."
"Please Adam. I want to know what's up with you. Make sure you're alright"
He took a deep breath "okay here goes nothing" he mumbled to himself "While Dom was in the hospital recovering I had thoughts too. When I thought he wouldn't survive I thought that my time had come. I was going through some shit at the time too so I guess it's not all that"
"I'm so-" he placed his finger over my lips gently
"Shh. Don't apologise. As I was saying I thought that it was my time. But then Tom sent me a picture. From when we were on tour. Of me and you cuddled up on the couch of the bus. We were both drunk as anything but it was still sweet. And I realised I had to stay alive so I could tell you how much you mean to me. You are so much fucking more than you think you know that? And Dom is trying his best to be there for you." I sat up and wiped my eyes but it only seemed to make them turn to sobs and he immediately sat up too and comforted me
"Why didn't you fucking tell me?"
"Cus it wasn't about me."
"But if I'd have known i-'
"Would have worried more. I'm okay. I really am. That's the fucking reason I'm so different now." He buried his face into my neck as he hugged me tight "Do you get why you mean so much to me now?"
"Adam I always fucking knew. I saved you. Little Lexi from Donny up north made you feel like you had to keep living."
"Yep"
"I don't know how to respond to that. I can't say anything to that."
"Then don't. It wasn't supposed to be about me. I just slipped up I guess"
"No" I said pulling away and wiping my tears so I could look him clearly in the eye "I'm glad you told me. Makes me realise how lucky I am."
"You want to stay here?"
"Can we go watch a film on the couch?"
"Yeah. Come on" he stood up and held his hand out which I took gently in mine
"I kind of want to stay here a little longer" he smiled and sat back down besides me
"That works too"