Right? --A Fourtris/Tris Pedrad Story

Chapter 55

TRIS' "DEATH" ANNIVERSARY...
FOUR
I sit at our table all alone, my head down. It's been a year. I made it a year alone. I'm alive. I'm not okay, but I'm breathing.

"Morning, Four, " Lynn says and sits down across from me. "Why are you here so early?" I ask, looking up at her. She glances down and shrugs before looking up. "I figured you would be here and I don't really wanna be alone." I nod slightly.

"It's only been a year, " she says. I nod. "It feels like forever." Again, I nod. There's a long silence. "Four, she told me to make sure you moved on and found someone else, " Lynn finally admits. I knew that was why she came.

"I'm sure she told everyone that, " I reply. "But it won't happen." I hear footsteps behind me and see Uriah, Marlene, and Matthew walking to the gable holding hands. Mar and Uriah's eyes are red and bloodshot, like mine.

"Morning, " I say, sliding them the food I got them. I got everyone's food so they could just come and sit down. It's hard to get food for other people and yourself, plus getting it back to the table successfully.

"Morning, " Uriah answers glumly, taking a seat next to Lynn. Even Matthew looks sad, and I can't remember the last time he wasn't happy. I don't think he understands. I think he's just sad because his parents are sad.

"How you holding up?" Mar asks. I shrug and shake my head. "Good as I can, I guess." The whole cafeteria is quiet. There's quiet speaking, but no shouting or running around. The whole compound grieves with us.

Soon enough, I see Shauna sit beside me. Her eyes are glossy, so I look for Zeke. He's not here. "Where is he?" I ask, looking next to me. She looks down and forces a small smile.

"He didn't want to come to breakfast today." I close my eyes. I stand up and grab a tray of food, walking towards the door. Nobody stops me.

"Four, " Shauna calls. I turn and stop. She throws a set of keys at me and I catch them in my unoccupied hand. I nod as a thank you and continue out the doors and towards their apartment.

I unlock and open the door and close it quietly, shoving the keys into my pocket. I carry the food to their room, where the door is cracked and I hear him crying. I knock on the door with my knuckle.

"Shauna, go back to breakfast. You gotta eat, " he says, his voice shaking and cracking. "Not Shauna, " I say, pushing open the door and walking over to the bed where he sits with his head in his hands.

I place his food on his nightstand and sit next to him. "What are you doing, Four?" He asks, not moving. I look down.

"I don't know, Zeke, " I sigh. "I'm living. I'm making sure my friend is as okay as they can be. I'm trying not to just give up." I close my eyes and there's a period of silence.

"What are you doing?" He lets out a loud sob and I open my eyes to see him looking at me. "I don't know, " he replies through his tears. "Crying." I shake my head and curl my lips in, pushing them together.

"You're living. You're grieving. You're being human, " I answer. He shakes his head. "I was supposed to protect her. She was my little sister. Big brothers are supposed to always protect their little sister." I shake my head.

"She wasn't your little anything." I force a laugh. "Tris didn't need protection. She needed to be free. She needed to do what she wanted to do." He shakes his head. "Why are you talking like this, Four?

"She's gone. She's dead. She isn't coming back." I nod slowly. "I know that. I know she is gone and I know it's my fault. I let her die. I let her die to protect something that wasn't worth it." He looks at me.